Chapter 120

Adrian

I sit in my car outside of Stella's apartment. It is a familiar site that I now welcome with open arms, even though most of the time I have been here, I have not been welcomed. I stare at the brick of the wall and look through the sunroof at the building as it pierces into the sky.

I have no gifts with me. I come empty-handed. There are no tokens of my love or tokens in my appreciation for Stella, hoping that she will accept me as I am, and not as the man I have constantly pretended to be.

My mother has brought me a lot of comfort in the past hour. I came straight from the nursing home to Stella, slightly avoiding my mother's advice of following Stella's lead, wanting to make it known that I will be following her lead from now on. It is unlikely to stay quiet to stay dormant, waiting for something to happen to me. I've always been the type of person who takes things into my own hands, to make things happen what I need them to.

It is no different with Stella. I need her to know exactly how I feel about her, to let her know that no matter what happens, that I will be here waiting for her until she is ready. After today, I will be gone and respect her wishes of being alone.

I get out of the car and close the door behind me. I stepped onto the sidewalk and look around, hoping that her boyfriend, Sebastian, is nowhere to be seen. I just need one final moment alone with her, one final moment to plead my case, and to show her that I am endlessly devoted to her and her alone.

I walk inside the apartment building and get inside of the elevator. The right is is quiet and I find myself slightly humming along to the small music that plays in the elevator. Once the door is open, I exit and head down the hallway, finding myself in front of Stella’s door.

Should I even attempt to knock? Is it even worth it to try and speak with her despite her constant state of negativity towards me?

I slowly raise my fist into the air, ready to knock, when the door swings wide open, revealing Stella in front of me. I draw my hand back to my body and look down at her, tilting my head to the side.

Cell looks at me with widened eyes. There is shock and surprise written all over her face. Stella hold onto the door and takes the step back, revealing more of her apartment to me.

We stand in a moment of silence. I don't wanna be the first one to talk, but I know how she doesn't like to take the initiative. I remain in my spot and looked down at her, scratching the back of my head.

“Hi, Stella,” I begin, feeling just the slightest bit of awkwardness in my body, “how have you been?”

“Eh, I could be better,” she says, and steps away from the door, meeting me halfway in the door frame.

“Same,” I respond in a huff of air.

Awkwardness fills the air. Stella shifts her weight between her feet, picking at the sleeve of her sweater. She looks up at me and takes a step back, gesturing to the apartment behind her.

“You look like you're about to leave,” I begin, “I'll just get out of your hair.”

I turned and step away, feeling defeat settling into my bones, when Ella grabs my hand and stops me in my truck. We are a few steps away from her apartment door and my eyes float to our connected limbs before they move back up to her face.

There is a hint of neediness and longing in her face. Stella drops my hand, but remains close to me. I looked down at her, fighting the urge to reach out and brush the dark strands of hair out of her face.

“Do you…want to come in?” Stella’s question takes me by surprise.

I look around, looking down the hallway before turning my attention back onto her. I nod. Stella steps to the side and I follow her inside, closing the door behind me.

“are you sure it is OK that I'm here?” I asked, not wanting to step on her toes and cost her any more problems than she already has going on.

“Yes,” Stella says. “I was actually thinking about you.”

“Really? I had to come here to talk to you about something,” I begin, a small and quiet chuckle, leaving my lips.

My eyes meet Stella's. A small smile flashes across her face before it disappears. She stands in the middle of her living living room, and I remain by the door, unable to move my feet until she gives me the permission to do so.

“Is everything okay? Is there something that you need help with? I'm here for you for whatever you need,” I try my best to fill in the small gap of silence between us.

Stella shakes her head and slowly steps towards me. I fight the urge to meet her halfway, remaining cemented into the ground, and unmovable force inside her apartment. A quiet sigh, leaves her lips, and I can't help but wonder what is going on inside that pretty head of hers.

“Stella…are you in trouble?” I whisper once she is close enough to me to hear.

Stella shakes her head no. My heart races inside of my chest.

What could she possibly need to talk to me about? She had just said that she was thinking about me and now she has me trapped inside of her apartment, her silence deafening as I try my best ti figure out what it is that she needs from me.

“Stella—”

“Adrian,” Stella’s eyes shoot to mine. I gulp. “Please just…be quiet for a moment. I need to think.”

“Okay,” I nod with a quiet whisper.

Stella remains just a foot away from me. If I wanted to, I could reach out and take her hand in mine, to lace our fingers together, to bring her close to my chest and mold our bodies together. We could close the distance and be affectionate with one another, if she wanted to, that is.

Stella's eyes roam my body. Silence has become my best friend as she takes her time with me, our breaths filling in the silence between us. I open my mouth to speak, but quickly close it before any words can come out, not wanting to spoil her mood or her plan that she may or may not have for me.

“Adrian,” Stella breathes my name out. It makes my heart race inside of my chest. “I have been thinking about us. About our…relationship and time together.”

Oh. Oh. Oh shit.

My eyebrows perk up at her words. I lean forward, trying to see if I even heard her correctly.

“I stupidly asked any god that was listening and Mother Nature and fate to show me a sign that keeping you away from me was the best thing for me and…here you are,” Stella slowly speaks.

“Here I am,” I whisper, our eyes meeting once again.