Chapter 122

Stella

The drive over to the restaurant was quiet, filled with the bare minimum of greetings and niceties and that same atmosphere has followed Sebastian and I into the dark restaurant. It is a place well known to powerful mafia men. Those same men bring their wives and mistresses to this place, so I do not know if this is Sebastian showing me his love or if this is a way to keep me hidden from the people in his life.

The lighting of the restaurant is low yet warm, the candlelight flickering across Sebastian's face as we quietly enjoy our meal with one another. The conversation is agonizingly, slow, neither of us really wishing to fill in much of the silence that falls between us. Only when it gets awkward, do either of us pick up the topic of conversation again.

Looking around the restaurant, I noticed a few powerful government figures inside. They casually lounge around and enjoy their meals with the person they brought. Nobody here really pays attention to the mayor or to the city council woman, the people allowed to be free from the public eye in a place such as this.

I turn and look at Sebastian, setting my utensils down as soon as he does. Our eyes meet and I suddenly feel nervous, unsure what it is that he has to say.

“I am sorry, Stella,” Sebastian begins. I am taken aback by his sudden apology. “I should have never have left you at the house. I should have let you have the chance to speak to explain your thought process, but I did not, and for that I apologize.”

I slowly nod, chewing the rest of the food in my mouth before swallowing. I reach out for the glass of water in front of me and take a slow sit, the ice cold water, bringing me some sense of relief as my cheeks grow hot from the sudden confrontation between us.

“It is okay, I am used to things like this,” I say with a simple shrug.

Was my comment backhanded? Sure, it is. But it is the truth nevertheless, seeing how my marriage with Adrian, I was always silenced and never fully listened to when it came to my old family.

I was simply somebody in the way, an obstacle to get past. It did hurt when Sebastian made me feel this way. I appreciate his apology though.

“You should not be used to something like that,” Sebastian says, with a hint of irritation and impatience in his voice. He clears his throat and sits up in his chair, leaning forward, his eyes completely trained on mine. “Stella, please forgive me.”

“I do, Sebastian,” I breathe out with a shaky chuckle, shaking my head, not wanting to aggravate him more than he probably already is. “Why are you so insistent on me forgiving you?”

Sebastian simply shrugs in response. I pucker my lips and swipe my tongue over my teeth, slowly nodding at his silent response.

How am I supposed to feel about it? How am I supposed to feel about Sebastian not being able to fully vocalize the reasoning behind his desperate need, his please, for forgiveness from me?

“It has been a few days since I have seen you, Stella,” Sebastian begins, catching my attention once again, “How have you been? Has your health been okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital for any type of check up?”

“No,” I shake my head and force a fake smile onto my face, one that I know he will effortlessly fall for, “nothing has really been going on. I have just been working a lot these past few days, a lot of new customers to tend to.”

I pick up my fork and poke at a stray vegetable on my plate, pushing it around to try and distract my body from what my mind wants to truly say.

Should I tell Sebastian about Adrian? Should I fill him in on the fact that my ex-husband and I are now trying and putting in the effort to become friends? How would he even respond to something like this?

Sebastian is sure to blow up. I know that he will stop at nothing to find Adrian and to keep him as far away from me as possible. Sebastian simply would not care about my emotions and feelings in that moment.

I just know that things are sure to blow up in my face if I'm to fill in my boyfriend of the new change in my life. Hell, even Adrian is sure to have some hesitancies about me having both him and Sebastian in my life.

I keep the fake smile on my face and look up from the porcelain white plate on the table. Sebastian smiles back, completely clueless to the war that is going on inside my brain.

A tinge of guilt begins to eat away at my conscience and mind. I feel bad about keeping Sebastian in the dark, to keep them away from my blossoming friendship with Adrian. It is for the best, though, to keep them away from each other.

“Are you sure that's all that's been going on?” Sebastian's question catches me off guard.

The guilt begins to double in size. I did not know that Sebastian could read me so easily, to know that there is something else on my mind. How he has gained this ability, I will never know.

“Yes, of course,” I breathe through gritted teeth. “Work has just been stressing me out,” I continue, ready to drop terms and words that he has no idea about when it comes to my job and hacking, “firewalls and security can be really hard to keep up with some days. Other days, it can be really repetitive to do the same things over and over again, you know?”

Sebastian's body goes still for a moment, his eyes moving up and down side to side, taking in my face and expression, and the way that I hold my body from across the table. Chills run down my spine, my body going cold under his watchful eye, hoping that he doesn’t pick up on the fact that I am gripping the loose tablecloth from beneath the table. After a couple of seconds, Sebastian nods and picks up the utensils from beside his plate, beginning to eat again.

The rest of the dinner goes well, the conversation way more likely than before. We quietly laugh from beneath the dim lighting of the restaurant. I pretend like I am not holding back on Sebastian, like I am not withholding any information from him.

Sebastian is none the wiser. He may be able to read my face and see that there is something troubling me, but he will always believe in the words that I speak to him, the lies that I feed into his head. Sebastian is a fool for that, but I will forever be grateful for him always trusting me and believing in me.

Is it a bad idea to keep this from him? Sebastian is smart and he knows when something begins to smell fishy and when things begin to feel off in his life. He is destined to find out one of these days…I just do not want it to be anytime soon.