Chapter 134

Adrian

I have always thought myself to be a kind man. Someone who always took the time out of their day to make sure that those around them are okay. Hell, I founded a successful pharmaceutical company in the hopes to save the lives of my mother and Clara, the woman I thought I loved before I let Stella slip through my fingers.

I have always thought of myself to be a hero. As someone who did what needed to be done in order to achieve his goal, to save a life no matter the means. I did every single thing in my power to save Clara, to bring her back to life from the coma that she fell into, her long years of sleep taking over my life.

I cried over her body, begged for her to come back to me. My life revolved itself around her and to bring her back into my arms. I was so blind to the pain that I was causing Stella, the true love of my life, the woman who haunts my dreams at every waking moment.

I have always wanted to help people, to save them from the things I wish to bring them harm. I have developed new medical techniques and medicines that have saved thousands — if not, millions — of lives across the nation and yet… I feel so hopeless in this moment.

Throughout the last five years of my life, I have ruined one body in order to save another. I have destroyed everything good and healthy about Stella's body, forcing her to live a life in and out of hospital rooms and doctors appointments. An immense amount of remorse takes over my body whenever I think about it, the guilt of destroying her body to achieve my selfish goal of waking up Clara.

Now, I have the chance to change things. I have the opportunity to save a life while salvaging another, to Mary Clara, in the hopes that Stella will get as far away from here as possible. Self sacrifice being the offering to life with the hope that Stella will lead a fulfilling existence, one that is far away from me and the trouble that I bring.

Pain course is throughout my chest. It feels hard to breathe, my office as cold as a winter day. I hoped that my mind would be rid of the thought of Stella, that the image of her teary eyes and desperate, please for me to not do something so stupid as marrying Clara burned into the back of my mind.

I can get no release from this, though. Every single time I blink, close my eyes, take a break throughout the day to look outside my office windows, I am met with Stella’s disappointed face. I can hear the sadness in her voice, the way she hoped for us to live a life away from the constant angst and pain that Clara brings.

Oh, how I wish to reach out and bring her back into my arms, to reassure her that everything is going to be OK. To tell her that everything in life happens for a reason and that there is a bigger plan at play here, one that I can hope to see the end of without having Clara/and burn everything in her week. She is like a nuclear bomb and Stella and I’d relationship with one another is her target.

A sigh leaves my mouth. I lean back into my office chair, listening to the quiet creak as my eyes focus on my computer in front of me. The screen is filled with nothing but spreadsheets, updates from development teams that are working on a new project that we have just secured funding for.

I can barely bring myself to focus on it, unable to free my mind from the clutches of my doomed romantic life with Clara. I do not know if I can bring myself to say yes to her proposition, to marry her. I do not know if I have it in me to pretend to love her, to care for her, through thick and thin.

The door to my office opens. I look up for my computer and notice Michael, who wears a disappointed look on his face as he near my desk. He settles into one of the chairs in front of me and lance, his elbows against the wood, hands folded in front of him.

“Michael,” I greet him. My back stiffens, and my anxiety begins to bubble inside of my chest. When he doesn't immediately say something, his usual, sarcastic, comment, remaining unspoken, I lean forward and meet his gaze. “Is everything okay?”

“I should be asking you that, actually,” Michael admits with a quiet laugh. “You look like shit. Take the rest of the week off. Pull yourself together—”

“That won’t be necessary,” I interrupt him, shaking my head.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the computer’s reflection. My eye bags are heavy, a deep purple from the lack of sleep. I suck in a breath and turn back to Michael, who wears an exasperated expression on his face.

More disappointment that I will be forced to deal with.

“Adrian, I’m serious,” he says.

“I know you are,” I sigh.

“You need to get your shit together. We just secured funding for the new pharmacy project and we are going to need all hands on deck if we are going to get through it,” Michael speaks with a heavy voice. It sends chills down my spine. “We can’t do that if our leader is falling apart.”

“I’m okay, I promise,” I try to reassure him. I know, though, that he won’t bite. He never does.

Michael stands from his chair. He looks down at me, swiping a piece of candy from the bowl that sits on my desk. Something that Stella added since she knows of my sweet tooth. Another reminder of what it is that I have lost in my life.

“The rest of the week, Adrian, you hear me?” Michael says, looking down at me. I nod. “The shareholders are antsy. They can see you faltering just like you did all of those months ago. We can't have a repeat of what happened before, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod my head, sighing.

“They need to be confident in you… I need to be confident in you, and I don't feel that way right now,” my business partner admits. He pops the piece of candy into his mouth, slowly chewing as he looks down at me. “We all believe in you, Adrian. You just need to get back to being 100%.”

“I know,” I nod again, unsure of what else to do or say.

“Good,” he responds. “I’ll see you on Monday then? Great.”

Michael exits my office as soon as he can, the door clicking shut behind him. I close my eyes, leaning back to look at the ceiling. My feet cement onto the ground, body sore and tired from a battle that I have been fighting ever since Clara woke up. It’s starting to get to me.

Maybe my last sacrifice will be to marry Clara. I know that it will make my shareholders happy, it will make her happy, and Stella will be forced to live a life away from me, to get away from all of the pain that is associated with me. It doesn't matter what I think or feel. As long as it serves the greater good, then I'm willing to do it.