Chapter 135

Adrian

The drive home is long and slow. I take my time through the roads, wanting to delay myself in getting home quick, not wanting to face the reality of my loneliness and depression that I feel. My house is just another reminder of what it is that I have lost, having pushed away the one woman in my life who truly cared for me, cared for me, and did everything in our power to make herself be seen as a good wife.

It is nobody's fault, but my own that Stella no longer wants to be with me. It is nobody's fault but my own that I am forced to reckon with the mistakes of my past, the sins that I have committed against her and others. I wear these scarves on my heart, dragging them around with me, despite the pain that I feel in my chest because of it, unable to rid myself of the feeling.

The car turns down the street. The light of the sky begins to dim, night overtaking the day. I slowly drive up to my driveway, the headlights of the car, capturing the sight of a familiar face on my doorstep.

My heartbeat quickens in my chest. I'm forced to come face-to-face with Stella who waits at my door, a look of desperation written across her face. It makes my heart shatter inside of my chest; to see the destruction that my choices have already caused in our shared lives, the way I have destroyed any last chance of reconciliation with the woman I love so much.

It pains me to know that the tears she has cried, the ache in her own heart, is because of me. I have to face the fact that I bring her nothing but pain and agony, no form of relief insight from the bad luck that has surrounded me throughout these years.

If it is not the reminder that I am choosing Clara over her once again, then my face serves as the reminder as the man who destroyed her life in body, ruining her chance to live a normal existence. It is all my fault.

“Stella?” I ask as soon as I get out of my car. I close the door behind me and near the stairs, taking my time as my feet drag against the concrete of my driveway, my car keys, heavy in my hand.

“Adrian,” her voice cracks. She stands from the steps of my house and walks towards me. “You can't marry Clara.”

Her statement is definitive, final. I hate to admit it, but I feel a sick sense of Hope form inside of my chest. I allow my mind to trick myself into thinking that Stella is here because she wishes to marry me instead, to take me back in her life in the role of her husband.

I know that it will never happen. I know that our time together has come to. It's unfortunate end, and that there is nothing I can do or say to stop the matter, to stop her from slipping through my fingers all over again.

I look down at her and tilt my head to the side. I study her face, taking in the way her eyes are glossy underneath the sunset, the way her fists are bald at her sides. She looks tense, on edge, ready to fight to the tooth and nail for this idea that she has in her mind.

An idea that I was never a part of. An idea that she did not think to discuss with me before she embarked on this heroic mission to save me from myself.

“Stella,” I shake my head, unsure if this is the conversation that we should be having in this moment.

My heart skips a beat in my chest, my ears ringing. Stella takes my hands into her own, squeezing them as if her life depends on it. I think mine does. I tried to pull them away from hers, but she drives me back in, looking up at me as tears roll down her cheeks.

“You can't marry a monster like her,” her voice is low, trembling, as if she is nervous to even be here speaking with me, “you can't marry Clara. She is going to ruin you and your future. I can't let that happen.”

I feel myself be drawn to her, to close the distance between us. She drops my hands, but they reattach themselves to her wrists. My skin is like fire against her, our bodies, shaking as I close the distance between us.

“I…I hope that me being here,” Stella shudders under my touch, eyes fluttering, “shows you that I want to save you from her.”

I drag my hands up her arms, allowing myself the time to fully take her in, to feel the way she pushes into me, melting into my touch, my hands slowly move to cup her face, her eyes slightly widening as warmth develops her face. I let out a quiet sigh, tilting my head to the side.

“Do you mean it?” I ask, “did you mean what you said? What you told me…is that the truth?”

“Every single word, Adrian,” Stella whispers.

My heart skips a beat. It pounds from behind my ribs, thumping against the bones, ready to break out at a moment’s notice. I begin to lean down, to close the distance between our lips.

Stella’s eyes flutter shut, the woman reciprocating the very slow movement we make towards each other. Her hands move up to my chest, my breath hot on her lips. Just as our lips are about to meet in a kiss, she gently pushes me away, shaking her head.

Disappointment flashes across my chest. It weighs down my shoulders. I drop my handsome her face and take a step back, a sickening sense of humiliation overtaking my body.

How could she do this to me? How could she come here, begging for me to not marry her stepsister, and expect me to go along with her words, to give in to her demands?

Is she oblivious to the way that we feel about each other? Is she purposely delaying the fact that we belong with each other, that I wish to desperately feel her body against mine again?

A bitter taste spreads across my tongue. The disappointment is evident on my face, I know that much to be true, and I step around her, walking up the stairs of my home to unlock the door, to disappear forever as soon as my hand connects with the door knob, ready to pull it open, Stella's voice stops me.

“I just wanted to help out my friend,” she says. I scoff

Friends. Just friends. Because tat is what we are, right? Destined to orbit in each other’s lives at a distance instead of her being the star that I will forever be attached to?

I shake my head, pushing open the door with force and anger that I did not know I held in buy body. Turning to look at her, I spit the words out like venom, hoping that it will deter her from trying to save me any more.

“Go home to your boyfriend, Stella. We shouldn’t see each other any more.”