Chapter 137

Adrian

I remain frozen in place as I watch Stella a walk away from me. The sounds of her cries to fill my ears, echoing in the chambers of my mind. Just the sound of them make me feel so uneasy, making me feel as if I am the cause for her distress and sadness.

I will my feet to move after her, to intercept her before she gets into her car, but it is too late. I approach the driver side window and knock on the door, but she completely ignores me, her sob is taking over her body as she struggles to turn the key inside of the ignition. I lean down and look at her, my own tears forming in my eyes.

“Stella, let me in, let’s talk about this,” I speak loud enough for her to hear through the window. She simply does not pay attention to me.

The car engine comes to life with a quiet purr, the car vibrating beside me. I immediately take a step back, not wanting to deal with a broken toe alongside all of the grief that I have caused the two of us.

Without wasting another second, the tire screech on the concrete, the car lurching forward and disappearing down the street, driving at the speed of light. Dust kicks up from the tires, leaving me behind as I waved my hand around to clear the air around me.

A weight settles onto my chest. It keeps me in place, refusing to let me leave as I watch Stella's tail lights disappear out of you. As soon as they are out of my site, I exhale, letting out of breath that I did not even know that I had trapped inside of my chest.

Do I feel lighter after this? No, absolutely not. I feel nothing but defeat, regret for the choices that I have made with Stella. I never should have yelled at her or raise my voice and I certainly should not have let my emotions get the best of me.

At the end of the day, it is because of me and my mistake that Stella has officially cut me out of her life. It feels as if I am being kicked around, forced to accept the beatings that come my way, the fruits of my labor.

I made my choice, though. I know that it is not the one that she wished to hear nor to watch play out in front of her eyes, but I have to come and accept the terms of my new reality. I will be marrying Clara. There is no escape out of this nor is there a way for me to find a new lifeline to save me.

This is it. This is my new life. I have to come to accept it.

I move back inside my house, roaming around the empty hallways, Stella and ice pass on full display. Well, the lack of our past. I stare at the pictures of us on the wall, the photos from the beach resort that we went to all of those months ago.

Where has the time gone? Where can I buy a Time Machine to take me back to a point in my life where we were happy with one another, when we were actively working towards rebuilding our relationship instead of carving each other out out of our lives?

I pick up my phone from the side table. The screen illuminates my face, my eyes, tired and sensitive as I navigate my way to Clara's name.

My finger hover over it. A sense of fear washes throughout my body, causing me to hesitate in calling her and informing her of the good news. My body goes cold and yet my skin feels so hot, a contradiction in itself as I stare at my future wife's name on the screen.

This is everything that I wanted, right? From the very beginning, I wish for nothing more than to divorce Stella and marry the love of my life, Clara. I have imagined our wedding ever since I laid eyes on her, from the first time we dance together at one of our high school stances all the way up until she woke up from her coma.

I pressed her name and bring the phone to my ear. I have to rip the Band-Aid off.

“Adrian?” Clara’s voice is tired on the other end of the call.

“Hi,” I bitterly speak into the phone, “I will marry you on two conditions. You will not hurt yourself and…” I hesitate to even say her name aloud, “and you have to leave Stella alone for the rest of your life.”

The other ends of the line is quiet. I can listen to Clara’s breathing, the sound making my body feel heavier by the second. It is only when she lets out a quiet chuckle, a sound so sadistic and twisted, causing my skin to crawl.

“That can be arranged,” Clara muse into the phone. “Mom! Dad! Adrian and I are getting married!”

I put the phone on speaker and place it on the coffee table. I dropped to the couch, allowing my body to feel so numb as I listen to the woman's streaks and shrills from her excitement. I listen to her father's voice over the phone, not caring enough to process the words that he speaks to me.

I simply hum along, playing the part of a good future son-in-law. I find myself stuck in limbo, unable to bring my body back to life, to force a smile onto my face. I just feel so dead on the inside, consumed by this darkness that has evolved from Clara and I’s relationship with one another.

“You have made the right choice, son,” her father’s voice comes from the other end of the phone.

I roll my eyes in response, unable to verbalize my supposed appreciation for his words, ignoring the fact that he will do anything to keep me attached with his brat of a daughter…my future wife.

My heart stops beating. I stare at the ceiling, unable to move or feel anything.

The call comes to its natural end, Clara hanging up with the sound of a kiss. I close my eyes and force myself to think of the things that make me happy.

It only makes me want to cry. I feel the tears slipping from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks as my body trembles. I try so hard to keep the sobs away, to not allow myself to succumb to the feeling of dread that washes over my body, but I am so weak in comparison to the overwhelming emotions.

I saw when I cry. My mind runs a mile a minute as I think about the choice that I have just made. The price that I thought I was willing to pay in order to save a life.

Was it worth it? Was it worth burning the last bridge I have with Stella? Will it be worth it in the end when I take my last time breath? Would it have been worth it to suffer through all the years knowing that Stella is living her life without me?