Chapter 140

Adrian

Due to pressure from Clara and her parents, our wedding date has been pushed up from happening in a year two happening in the next month. They have decided to cover all of the expenses of the wedding, everything ranging from Clara's dream wedding dress to the flower she will hold while walking down the aisle. Of course, they are using my credit card, some sick sense of entitlement over what will soon be hers through marriage.

I do not know what I was expecting to come out of this. I do not know what expectation I had in mind for Clara when it comes to my money. I suppose, though, I thought that she would have some sense of decorum, allowing herself to appear to be not as eager as she truly is.

I stand in front of a mirror inside of a tailor’s shop. The business is exclusive, only those with a certain big account number can get inside. The tailor himself handpicks the people that are allowed to come through the door. He is known for his exquisite work and fast turn around times.

I was just lucky enough to secure an invitation for myself. For him to see me as someone who needs his help — desperate and in under a month — to turn out an expensive suit that I will be paying off for the rest of my life. Maybe the tailor wants to challenge himself…as long as I get the suit, I’m good.

The mirror faces the entrance door. My eyes flicker to the bell that hangs above it, listening to its ring, whenever one of his employees or a customer enters inside the premises. My gaze always falls back to the floor soon after, allowing the man to work his way around my body as he takes my measurements.

The belt to the door rings. On in instinct, I look up, my eyes meeting the gaze of a man that I did not wish to run into: Sebastian. His eyes move up and down my body before he enters deeper into the shop, now standing behind me.

“What’s the special occasion?” Sebastian asks.

“I’m getting married,” I deadpan.

Sebastian raises his eyebrows, staring at me through the mirror. I shrug, not wanting to dive into the matter with him. A laugh flies from his mouth, the man not even bothering to hide it for me, the shock and surprise overtaking his body from my revelation.

“Married?” he asks, slowly nodding as he shoves his hands into his pants pockets. “At least I can rest easy knowing that you will no longer come after Stella.”

His comment cuts me deeper than I wanted it to. Deeper than I ever anticipated it to feel like. It feels as if my heart has been sliced into two halves; still beating, still in pain, still aching for a woman that wants nothing to do with me.

Does Sebastian truly feel victorious in this moment? Does he really think that I ever stood a chance against him in vying for Stella's love? I bet he feels happy, a prideful urge that overtakes his body after I have revealed that I am no longer in competition with him.

He continues to laugh, though. That is what gets on my nerves, making me feel uneasy in this moment. I reach and fix my white dress shirt, staring at myself in the mirror, refusing to give in to his laughs and cackles.

I am sure that I will live a nice and quiet life with Clara. I will work at my company and grow it beyond belief, giving her all of the money that she needs to live her life in harmony. At least then I know that I have some kind of control over my life, some control over where it is bound to take me.

“With Clara, right?” Sebastian asks. He quietly circles around the podium that I stand on, looking up at me with one hand in his pocket and the other resting on his side.

I do not know how he knows of Clara, my mind flickering back to Stella's crying face from a few nights prior. I do not fight it, though, knowing that no matter what I do or say, I am thoroughly fucked.

“Who else could it possibly be?” I asked with a simple shrug, lying to myself about the reality that I am in. “she is the only woman that I have ever seen in my life…Stella was just a distraction for me.”

“A distraction? Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Sebastian lowers his voice, low enough so that just the two of us can hear.

His eyes meet the tailor. With one dismissive nod, the tailor stands and walks away, disappearing behind a wall of curtains where other customers wait for him.

“now that you're getting married, promise me right here and right now that you will stay the fuck out of Stella and I’s life with one another,” Sebastian's words are threatening, his voice filled with danger and the threat that he will more than happily put a knife to my neck if the situation calls for it.

“Excuse me?” I scoff, wanting to give him another chance to dismiss his original threat — no…his promise — of bringing me harm. I expect him to play it nice, to keep the small banter between us, but a part of me knows that won’t happen.

“You heard me,” Sebastian doubles down. “If you come near me or my girlfriend, I will kill you. I will make it as though you’ve never existed. Go live your life with your,” he snorts, “wife and try to not ruin Stella’s life more than you already have.”

An employee leaves from behind the curtain, approaching us. He holds a black garment bag in his arms, passing it off to Sebastian. The mafia man quietly thinks him and looks back at me with a glare, turning back to the door and exiting.

I let out of breath. I look down at myself in the mirror, the black suit like ink against my skin.

I hate what I see. I do not see the smile that I thought I would wear on my face, instead, I am met with a scow, a look at the feet, a mix of emotions that will only hurt me in the long run.

My future… I know that I will not be happy with Clara. No matter how many times I try to stand here and convinced myself that everything will be okay, I know that things will only fall apart in the end. That I am doomed to live a life of disappointment and bitterness and contempt.

With Stella, at least I was happy. With her, I knew that there were things for us to work on, to work towards, that I never gave up.

With Clara, I feel invisible. I feel like a disposable bank account for her to use on her every whim. A commodity more than a husband.

This is the right choice, though. I deserve this for all of the sins that I have committed against Stella. I deserve this for allowing myself to treat her like a piece of meat, a lab experiment, rather than my wife. This is the penance I must pay.