Chapter 55

A week after Lily’s party, I was scheduled to speak at my old high school’s career day. I wasn’t really fond of public speaking, but I had gotten better at it since I had started my new life as a fitness influencer. I figured I could give a short speech to a gymnasium full of high schoolers.

Then the day finally came, and my stomach was in knots as I drove up to the school. I told myself that if I could talk millions of viewers online every day, I could talk to a few hundred high schoolers without any problems, but I could not convince myself. It took all of my will to get out of the Aston Martin, enter the school, and sign in with the front office.

After handing me my name tag and schedule, the principal took me backstage at the gymnasium with the other guests. I recognized them all as influential alumni, but no one I knew personally. That is, until I saw him.

Barnett.

He glanced in my direction but quickly looked away. Of course, he was still mad at me. I supposed that I would still be mad at me, too, if I were in his shoes.

I should have just told him how I felt when I had the chance. It would have saved us so much torment and heartache…then I thought about telling Barnett about my diagnosis. If I told him both those things in the same breath, I didn’t think that anyone with a heart would be able to take that.

No, it was much better for both of us to keep our distance. It would hurt in the short-term, but in the long run, it would save Barnett a lot of pain.

I tried to force myself to focus on my speech as I waited for my turn at the podium. I was the fifth speaker, second-to-last, right before Barnett. I silently cursed whoever set the lineup that way.

My speech was on how I had pulled myself out of the dumps as a divorced woman whose husband had cheated on her by utilizing my talents and connections and not giving up when things seemed darkest. I didn’t try to frame it as a rags-to-riches story because I knew that it wasn’t that, but I did try and highlight how I had used the support of friends as well as my hard work to get myself out of a bad situation. It was uplifting but still acknowledged my privilege.

At least, I hoped that was how the speech would come across.

As I stood there trying to practice, I had a hard time reading over my index cards or remembering what I had planned on saying. My stomach felt as though someone were slicing the inside with a knife. Chills and sweat ran down my body simultaneously.

The pain in my stomach started crawling up to my esophagus. I clutched at my gut, trying to hold in the inevitable. I could hear them calling the fourth speaker, but I didn’t think I could keep back the mix of bile and pancakes rushing up my throat any longer.

I could feel eyes on me as Barnett stared at me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but whether it was from embarrassment or pain, I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that a cool, dark hole away from everyone, especially Barnett, would bring a lot of relief at that moment.

I rushed past Barnett and out the gymnasium to the nearest women’s restroom. I barged into the first open stall and, without bothering to lock it behind me, bent over the toilet to vomit.

Chunks splattered everywhere. My throat and stomach burned. I did my best to hold my hair behind my back, but some mixed in with the vomit.

I started to cry as I threw up. The pain was excruciating, but my fear was even greater. As much as I had feared public speaking before, I had never thrown up from it before.

Was my sickness getting worse? Was I dying? I didn’t know what to do, and I was afraid.

A sudden knocking on the women’s restroom door startled me out of my thoughts.

“Anna?” I heard Barnett say as he poked his head into the room. “Anna, are you in here?”

As embarrassed as I was for him to catch me in this position, my vomiting answered for me.

“Anna, are you okay?” he asked.

When I didn’t answer, I heard Barnett walk into the women’s restroom and stand behind the stall I was in. I would have been more embarrassed by the fact that he would have a view of my ass if I weren’t throwing up all over the stall—and if we hadn’t already seen each other naked.

“When you left the gym so fast, I decided to follow you,” he explained. I didn’t think he expected me to answer; he was just trying to fill in the silence so that I wouldn’t be quite as embarrassed. “I was worried about you.”

I was touched by his concern. Even when he was mad at me, he wanted to make sure that I was all right. His kindness really was endearing.

“I wasn’t sure if you just got bad nerves or something, but I had to be sure. Seeing the way you are now, I can see that I made the right decision in following you. Is there anything I can get you?”

I could hardly groan, let alone talk, but I managed to get out the one word, “No.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you? I don’t think you should be alone right now,” he continued. “You seem really sick.”

My back stiffened. I didn’t want him to know just how sick I was.

“L…leave,” I croaked out, but it was so low that I wasn’t sure he could hear me.

Barnett hesitated.

“Are you sure about that? I think that someone should watch over you, in case you pass out or something.”

I knew the logic in Barnett’s reasoning, but I couldn’t risk him learning that I was really sick. I didn’t want to explain that to him, to anyone. If he found out, then Lily would find out, too, and I…I just couldn’t do that to so many people I loved.

“Do you maybe need to go to the doctor? You sound—”

“Leave! Now!”

It took all of my energy to say that, and I regretted saying it soon after. I could barely remain in my position squatting in front of the toilet, my arms and legs shaking violently.

Barnett’s voice practically growled as he spoke.

“Fine. Take care of yourself, then.”

I listened as his dress shoes stormed out of the women’s restroom, flinching as each step resounded with the pounding in my head. I waited for his feet to retreat down the hall, leaving the door to slowly close on its own, before I sat against the wall of the stall and pulled myself into the fetal position. I took deep, trembling breaths.

“I’m sorry, Barnett.” Tears streamed down my face. “I had no choice.”

To be continued...