Chapter 63
“I love you, Anna,” Arthur repeated.
He stared at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. His eyes widened, and they reminded me of the doe eyes that my brother Michael used to give me when we were children and he wanted to get something from me. It made my stomach churn, and I almost vomited all over again.
How was I to respond to that? He saw how I responded to Barnett being with Julia the night before; did he think that my feelings could be changed so easily? Or was he really so blind to what all that had meant?
I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Arthur was not just my boss; he was one of my closest friends. I didn’t want to lose what we had.
At the same time, I couldn’t lie to him and say that I returned his affections. I loved him, but like a brother—like the brothers that he reminded me so much of. I couldn’t lead him on.
I could tell by the way his brow furrowed that my hesitation was already causing him doubt and upset feelings. I had to give him an answer, and quickly. I placed my free hand on top of his.
“I don’t want to answer right now,” I said, watching his reaction for anything negative, but all I saw was neutrality. “I need to give it careful consideration. I don’t want to rush into anything, you know?”
Arthur’s brows twitched. He opened his mouth to answer, then closed it quickly. After a moment, he nodded.
“I understand,” he said, sounding as careful in his wording as I was with mine. “I don’t want to push you into anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
He raised my hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles.
“Is there anything that I can get you? Some water? A breath mint?”
He winked at the last sentence, and I giggled to appease him.
“I have a bottle of water and a hair tie in my purse. If you could get those and bring them to me, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
In Arthur’s absence, I leaned against the toilet, letting the porcelain cool down my burning face. I was getting so tired of nausea, vomiting, and stomach aches. It had never been this bad before.
I thought about what Arthur said about the vomiting being related to my health problems. I had thought the same thing before, had been concerned that it could mean that I am nearing death, but I had also been able to write it off to something like nerves or stress. Could Arthur be right; should I see a doctor after all?
Arthur’s swift return startled me out of my thoughts.
“Thank you,” I said as I accepted the water bottle and hair tie from him. As I tied my hair in a loose ponytail, I continued, “So, are you going to The WWWs?”
“I told you, I’m not going while you’re like this.”
“And I told you, you’re not going to miss it.”
He smirked.
“Listen to us, arguing like an old married couple already.”
I wince because I had had the exact same thought earlier. I wasn’t about to tell him that, though.
“There’s nothing you can do to help me—”
“I can take you to the hospital.”
“I’m not going to the hospital.”
He laughed, but it was slightly bitter.
“Are you always this stubborn?”
“Pretty much.”
“No wonder you got into fights with Lily and Barnett.”
I wanted to chastise him for that, but he had a point.
“Don’t you love that about me?”
He smiled dreamily, and I regretted my wording.
“Yeah, I really do.”
Desperate to change the subject, I said, “You’re going to be late.”
Arthur brushed his hand across my cheek. He sighed.
“You’re not going to relent on that, are you?”
“Not until you actually go.”
“Fine, but I want you to do me a favor.”
I tilted my head at him.
“Go see a doctor, if not for yourself, then for the people who care about you. I don’t want to have to send my clothes to the dry cleaner because you threw up on them again.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to commit to something that I wasn’t sure that I would actually do.
“I’ll think about it.”
Arthur stared at me for a moment, then nodded.
“Deal.”
He stood up and walked towards the door. He stopped momentarily and turned back to look at me.
“You can stay here as long as you need to. I’ll make sure that no one bothers you.”
I smiled weakly. He really was a good man.
“Thank you again, Arthur. For everything.”
“No problem.”
After he left, I tried to take a sip of water. My esophagus burned, and I barely made it over the toilet before vomit projected out of me. I heaved through the pains in my chest, ribs, and spine, my head pounding with each ejection.
By the time I finished, I clung to the toilet, and my vision dimmed. I sweated profusely and groaned in my semi-consciousness.
“God,” I whispered hoarsely, “not yet.”
After I finished vomiting and had driven myself back to my apartment, I listened to all the messages left by my doctor since I left the hospital. He did not go into any specifics about my condition, but he did say that he had some important information for me and that I needed to come in for a follow-up.
It had been so long since that initial appointment that I wondered if that information would even matter anymore. If it was something that could have stopped my cancer from killing me, then could it now be too late to act on it?
I cursed myself for not following up on the messages sooner. I was a coward, nothing but a coward. I was too afraid of how bad it already was that I couldn’t even think about how the doctors might be able to make it better.
Now, it might be too late.
But did that mean that I should continue to keep my head in the sand?
I stared at my phone as I considered my options. I wanted to call Lily or even Barnett and ask their opinions, but they were still mad at me. If I asked them about their opinions on my medical situation now, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I would get.
I couldn’t interrupt Arthur at The WWWs for this. It had taken an act of God to get him to go in the first place. It would just be my luck that he would drop everything to come over and be with me in my time of need if I called him now.
I had never felt so alone.
My stomach churned, threatening to send me to the bathroom again. I couldn’t do this anymore. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
I hit the call back button for my doctor’s office.
“Hello, you have reached Dr. Williams’s office. This is Celeste speaking. How can I help you?”
