Chapter 112

Nan’s POV

My hands shook.

I had been able to retain my composure until Lionel was resting. Then the events of the day hit me. Lionel’s abused form…the sound of his flesh giving way beneath their fists…the terrifying snarls of an enraged wolf.

It was too much.

‘I almost failed.’ Tears burn my eyes. ‘I could have lost everything.’

The idea of nearly losing the possibility of mating gives me anxiety.

My head feels too full. My thoughts are all over the place. Going over everything that happened…everything that could have gone wrong…everything I could have done better.

I feel like I should be doing something. That maybe moving about or doing something productive might make it go away. I find myself unable to move.

I am left staring into space. Not knowing how to process. Unable to fully relax in the aftermath.

“Nan.” Lionel’s sleep voice is deep and gravely.

“Yeah?” I ask shakily.

‘One downside of the bond,’ I think uncomfortably, ‘is that I can no longer hide my negative emotions from him.’

It’s a little scary. I’ve never been so well known as I am now by him. It’s comforting too.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” He asks softly.

I take a deep breath. Letting the fresh oxygen soothe me. Allowing myself to untangle the mess of my thoughts.

“I couldn’t…” I begin. Then stop.

“I felt so helpless.” I confess.

Lionel frowns. A concerned wrinkle forming in the V of his eyebrows. He does not interrupt.

“I could not stop them from hurting you. I know I’m only human. I know it was necessary.”

His hand reaches out for mine. He gently squeezes it. His thumb rubs circles along my wrist.

I shiver at the feather-soft touch.

“I never want to see that again.” I say vehemently.

“Promise me. Don’t you ever let anyone hurt you like that. Not for my sake…I will never thank you for that.”

He exhales lightly. “I promise.”

There is a beat of silence.

“I almost didn’t get it.” I add.

“Didn’t get what?” Lionel questions quietly. The look in his far more knowing than I would like.

“I almost failed…I had no clue what I was doing.” The last word comes out broken and high-pitched.

“I did too.” Lionel’s confession falls in between us.

We stare at each other seriously. Unspoken fears and understanding settling like a weighted blanket. Forgiveness.

I lean down and kiss him softly. Inhaling the naturally smokey scent from his skin. Like a burning log on Yule’s eve.

Something I had never noticed before.

I do not have time to ponder on that thought.

He pulls me onto his lap. I am only just able to stop myself from falling by bracing myself against his chest. I can feel him through fabric of my panties.

There is a stirring in my belly.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I ask softly. “You’re still pretty hurt.”

He let out a huff of breath against my mouth. “The world would have to be ending for me to say no.”

I giggle. “How about you let me take care of you?”

I put my hand on his chest and press him further into the bed. He goes willingly. His darkening eyes watch my every movement.

I raise my hips up slightly. His hips jerk slightly. Trying to follow my heat.

It gives me an idea.

I tug down his own pajama bottoms. I smile when I realize he has forgone his boxers. It makes what I do next easier.

I lean down to the swollen tip. Already red and leaking for me. I softly blow on it.

He moans. “Nan…don’t tease.”

A part of me considers drawing this out. Loving the way his abs contract and his arms shake. The slight pleading falling from those pink lips.

Our bond surges. His desire and mine intertwining into a heady mix. It would only be cruel to deny us this.

So I lightly lick the slit. Swirl my tongue around the head. Licking the veiny underneath.

Lionel hiss through his teeth. His moaning becomes louder and uncontrolled when I begin to pump my fist around him. His hand rises to my hair, gripping but not pulling.

It takes only a scrap of my teeth for him to reach his release.

“That was…” I am left without words. “Is that how it always felt for you in the bond?”

Lionel shakes his head. “Not quite. It was not as intense when it was only my desire pushing through.”

‘Interesting,’ I think with amusement. ‘This could be fun.’

The next day was more relaxed.

Patti and Vera had been chattering non-stop about the wedding.

Lionel and I sat on the patio. I was sprawled lazily on the little couch. My head resting on Lionel’s shoulder.

“Spring would be better!” Vera cries.

Patti wrinkles her nose. “My nose gets stuffy then. I don’t want to go to the wedding with a snotty nose!”

Lionel quietly snorts. I slap his arm. Warning him not to draw their ire on us.

“Ugh.” Vera complains. “But spring has pretty flowers.”

“Mom and dad could get married in the summer.” Patti suggests. “It could be on the beach!”

“I don’t like sand.” Vera informs her.

A thoughtful looks crosses Patti’s face. “What about autumn?”

Vera smiles. “I like it!”

The girls grin at each other. Lionel cough to hide his laughter. “I guess it’s settled then.”

I am too distracted to respond. There is a strange feeling within my chest. One I had come to recognize.

I now know how the bond feels.

Lionel’s emotions are nestled against my ribs. A beating reminder that I am not alone. It’s become almost second nature to me now.

Yet…what is this?

There are other emotions within me. Not mine. And not Lionels…

There is excitement. Satisfaction. An innocent happiness.

Could this be…my daughters?

These bonds aren’t very strong. Nothing like mine and Lionel’s. But I am certain they are there.

How could this be?

I stay silent. A tug from Lionel’s end tells me that he has noticed my distraction. I shake my head.,

‘Later,’ I send into the void. ‘We’ll talk later.’

It is only after the girls have gone up to their rooms that I dare breach the subject.

“I think…” I say uncertainly. “I think I can feel the girls.”

Lionel blinks with surprise. “I don’t understand.”

“I think I have a bond with them.” I say. “I think I was feeling their emotions earlier.”

Lionel inhales sharply. “Are you sure?”

“It couldn’t have been you. I know what you feel like. This was…less intense…less sharp.”

I can’t help but stare at Lionel with worry. “Lionel, is this even possible?”

He shakes his head slowly. “It shouldn’t be.”

“It makes sense that I can feel you. You are my fated mate. But the children are so different.”

Lionel taps his chin thoughtfully. “It makes no sense. Wolf-less don’t…”

“Wolf-less don’t have a wolf for any bond to properly connect too.” I finish for him.

Lionel freezes. “That’s right.”

His shock hits me in the chest like an icy breeze. “What did you think just now?” I ask.

“It’s a known fact in our world that wolf-less can’t form proper bonds.” He says slowly.

“I know.” I say back cautiously. Unsure where he is going with this.

“Nan, wolf-less are not supposed to be able to form mating bonds either.”

My pupils shrink. “Oh.” I breathe out.

He nods. “Yet that is obviously not true.” Lionel continues.

“If that is wrong…then what else is possible?” Lionel thinks out loud.

I am left reeling at that thought.

Its as thought my entire world view is shifting. Everything I thought I knew had shifted a few degrees to the left. Leaving me to try and figure out how that happened.

“And here I thought my adoption was a huge shock.” I mumble.

“Things are never boring around you.” He teases me.

I smile. But then it fades. A serious expression overtakes my face.

“This changes everything.” I state.

“I know.” He replies.

I bite my lip. “I seem only to find more questions the more I uncover things about myself.”

Lionel smiles ruefully. “There is one person who might have the answers.”

“Yes.” I say softly. “I think we should call Mr. Holder.”