Chapter 29

Lionel’s POV

I am frozen at the question.

I am completely caught off guard. I had not expected this direct confrontation. I am not ready for it.

“I don’t-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stutter out. ‘Idiot,’ I think to myself.

Joseph is unrelenting. “Don’t pull that bullshit with me! It’s written all over your stupid fucking face!”

His disrespect angers me now. “Watch yourself. Don’t you speak to me that way.”

But now Joseph is on a roll. I don’t understand the reason for his anger. All signs of joking and lightheartedness have disappeared.

“I’ll say what the fuck I want when you’re being a complete idiot. How could you fall in love with her? Tell me!”

My first response is to deny him. I do not have to explain myself to him. Not after his crude remark and now insane outburst.

But I do want to know why he is so incensed. So, I try to explain. “I can’t answer your question, because I am unsure.”

“There is so much going on. I just…I don’t know how to tell you.” I say.

Joseph has cooled down some. “Try.” His tone is short.

“I guess it began the night Cora drugged Nan. I felt the spark of a mate bond, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I really enjoyed kissing her.”

His tone is flat. “The what?” It sounds more like a statement than a question.

I know I am explaining this out of order. Untangling my thoughts is difficult. I had not spoken any of this out loud before.

“She was so out of her mind from the aphrodisiac. I knew she needed help. And she begged me to kiss her, so I did.”

I do not mention what else occurred. That was my secret to keep. It is not his business.

“When I kissed her, I could feel the spark of a mate bond. It was like my chest was bursting with warmth. But the kiss ended before I could experience it further.”

Joseph asked, “Are you sure you weren’t just aroused? Nan is a very attractive woman, after all.”

I growled wordlessly at him. But for once, Joseph was unphased. He waited for my answer.

“I spoke to the doctor attending her. He agreed that it sounded very similar.” That had been my lifeline for this entire disaster.

“So he confirmed it is a mate bond? That Nan is your true mate.” Joseph questioned skeptically.

I hesitated. “Well, not quite. He could not confirm because there was not enough time. Not to mention, I’d already had a wife.”

Joseph pinched the bridge of his nose. “So it’s just pure speculation? Lionel, do you have any idea how this sounds?”

“I do. But I also know what I felt. I’m telling you; I felt the spark of a mate bond.”

Joseph looked at me without an ounce of sympathy. “I believe you Lionel. Or, I believe that’s what you believe.”

It was patronizing. But I know that is the best I was going to receive. It shouldn’t have been possible, so any acceptance is a boon.

“It’s not just that. The girls already adore Nan. She has been such a great mother figure to them.”

That was another factor that made me care so much about Nan. How could I stay away from someone who so obviously loved my girls? Someone that my girls loved in return.

“She makes special meals that they love. She reads to them every night at bedtime. She knows all their little ticks, better than even me.”

He pressed his lips together. “But isn’t that her job as their Nanny? To take care of the children?”

‘But,’ I think, ‘it’s so much deeper than that. You haven’t seen the way she cares for them.’ I am tempted to say this.

But I know Joseph could not possibly understand unless he observes it for himself. At first I had not got it either. I just shake my head at him.

“It’s also Nan herself. She’s so steady and enduring. Even in the face of obstacles, she is like a mountain that does not move despite being weathered down.”

I continue, now geared up. “During our first meeting, I saw that bastard ready to attack. She did not scream. She just used her own body to protect Patti, no matter the cost to her.”

At the time I had already considered her brave. It was admirable that someone would do anything to protect their child. Now knowing Nan, it is not surprising to me.

“When she is gone, my wolf goes haywire. Her scent is intoxicating to me. I think about what she would say when we are apart.”

Joseph’s expression is once again unreadable. I move on to the hardest part to talk about, hoping this will make him see. “When Katya died…”

I take a breath to steady myself. “I couldn’t handle it. I did not want to deal with those emotions. So I pushed them down so I could just function.”

Joseph let in a sharp inhale. But he stayed silent. I take that as encouragement.

“I stayed numb. Never allowing myself to love another. Just existing for Vera’s sake.”

A faint smile comes to my face. “And then I met Nan. And it was like color’s began to slowly seep into my blue little world.”

“I found myself smiling more. Less angry and less tired. I even felt more playful, like a teenager again.”

I met Joseph’s eyes. “I don’t know if this is love, but I-”

“You are already in love, dumbass. No one talks that way about someone they just like. Not that it matters.”

My head jerks back a little. His tone is not positive or negative. Only matter of fact.

His next words are like a whip. “You cannot fall in love with her Lionel. It would be cruel not only to you, but to my nieces and her.”

“I don’t understand. How could this be cruel? The girls and I adore her.”

“She does not fit. She is like a gentle sheep in the world of power and wealth and will eventually leave. Save the both of you the heartbreak.”

He delivers the last line with irony. There is a lump in my throat. I am unable to reply.

Grabbing the paperwork, Joseph does not say another word as he quietly leaves. I say nothing. I do nothing to stop him.

This harsh truth slams into me. My knees buckle and I fall into my chair. Joseph was right.

Verbalizing everything in my head makes me realize how foolish I sound. There was nothing unsure about the way I feel about Nan. It was all so clear now.

I am falling in love with Nan. If I’m not already head over heels for her. The idea does not upset me as much as I feared it would.

How can it? Nan fit into my family so easy. There is no one else I can envision being with.

But I can not rejoice at the revelation. Because Joseph was right about the other half too. No matter how much I wanted her, it would not be fair to anyone.

Did I not see earlier this evening how easy those in power had turned on Nan? How Nan seemed so defeated and miserable before I arrived? Or her discomfort at places of wealth?

I could not be with Nan 24/7. There would be times Nan would have to be around others. People in my world are cunning and ruthless to each other, let alone outsiders.

All eyes would also be on us. Mate bond or nor, there would be many naysayers against a union between us. Nan would be under constant scrutiny.

‘The worst part,’ I figure, ‘is that Nan would bare it all. For her loved one, she would endure anything.’ I know this to be true.

I know because that is an important part of Nan’s personality. She would allow herself to be absolutely miserable without a word of complaint if it meant making her loved ones happy. It would not be fair to her.

Can I push her away for her own good? Can I deny us the chance for happiness? I am at a loss.

What is the right decision for everyone?