Chapter 44

Lionel’s POV

This is agonizing.

I had only dozed off for a little while when the nightmares started. I had assumed I would be the one to have them after seeing Nan so close to death. I was wrong.

My entire body is tuned to her. From her shallow breathing to the slight shaking of her frame. I could even detect the changes in her body temperature as the natural chemicals in her body react due to my superior sense.

The first thing to change was her fever. It had only been slight before. But I knew it was inching up as from the change of her scent.

But I shrugged that off. Figuring her body was fighting the infection. I slide more over the counter medicine down her throat to stave it off until the doctor could see her the next day.

But just as I relaxed, I noticed something else that made me worry. Her heartbeat was the next to change. Slow but steady beats had begun to beat faster and faster.

The flush in her cheeks was now an unhealthy blotch across her face. Her eyes scrunched together tightly. Eyebrows knitting together.

‘She must be uncomfortable,’ I conclude. Maybe so much heat is not for the best. I slowly remove some of her blanket.

She curls into a ball. I think about putting them back. But decide against it once I register how warm she is.

I have just sat down when the whimpering begins. I am instantly by her side. I place hand on her shoulder to try and soothe her.

“It’s okay, darling. It’s okay.” I softly say.

She does not seem to hear me. Her breathing has turned heavy. Almost gasping.

Her whimpering and little cries continue for hours. I try to wake her. But I am not successful.

I gently shake her. But she only jerks away with a groan when I do. She does not respond when I call her name.

She does open her eyes briefly as I give her more medicine to bring the fever down. But I see no coherence in them. She is still locked in her nightmares.

There is nothing I can do. I am helpless in the face of this. I do not like this feeling.

I have never been helpless in my life. My status has always provided me with everything I could possibly want. Every opportunity to succeed at everything I do.

But this is different. There is no enemy for me to defend her from. There is only an invisible illness and my self-hatred.

Then she starts speaking. Giving me insight to her troubled mind. I can only make out a few nonsensical words.

“Mom…I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…I didn-…I didn’t mean too…don’t cry.” She mumbled.

“Please wake up Nan. I’m here for you. It’s not real.” I plead.

Even the cool cloth no longer has an effect. I can only wipe the sweat from her brow. Change her bandages and apply more medicine.

The redness of the claw marks only makes me worry. I don’t understand how they got infected so fast. Did Cora poison her?

But I do not smell anything to indicate that. Only sweat and the bitterness of illness. How did she get sick so fast?

Nan had been perfectly healthy. At least, I thought she had. How had she looked recently?

‘I don’t know,’ I guiltily acknowledge

I think hard on these past few weeks. I tried so hard not to look at Nan when we were in the same room together. Trying to put distance between us.

I should have looked closer instead. Hadn’t I thought Nan looked tired? Like she had not gotten enough sleep.

She had been quieter too. I thought it was because she was avoiding me. But maybe that was not the only reason.

I had clung relentlessly to my pride. Seeing her so lifeless at the pool and now so ill…Was my pride really worth it?

As if hearing my question, karma struck.

Her whimpering turned into weeping. A sound so heartbreaking it cause tears to well in my own eyes. Utterly despairing.

I pulled her to my chest. Rocking back and forth to soothe both her and myself. Pressing my face into her hair.

“Wake up, wake up, just open your eyes.” I chanted. I cradled her head to me.

“It’s okay Nan. It’s alright. You did nothing wrong.” I whisper.

“Lionel…”

I sigh. “That’s right darling. I’m here.”

But she is not reassured. Her weeping deepens. “Why…why won’t you believe me?”

It’s a knife to my heart. That question…why, why why. I’d heard Nan use that tone before.

I never wanted to hear her use regarding me. I did not want to be another person who had hurt her. I will not be.

‘No,’ I answer. ‘Her pain will never be worth my pride.’

“I’m so sorry Nan. I have not done right by you. I promise that I will fix this.”

Miraculously, this seems to break Nan’s nightmares. Her weeping tampers off. In a few hours, her fever also breaks.

The doctor stops by during that time and administers treatment. Nan sleeps through it. But the doctor assures me that she will wake when she is ready.

Sometime that evening, she finally wakes up. Her gaze wonders toward me. Her eyes are alert and aware.

I resist the urge to slump over. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She says hoarsely.

“I don’t feel good…” She starts.

“You got sick there. I’ve done the best I can do without the doctor stopping by.” I tell her.

“How long have I been sleeping?” She asks.

“About a day and a half. Give or take a few hours.” I respond.

“A day?!” There is a comic look of outrage on her face.

I chuckle. “As I said, you were pretty ill for a while. But the doctor says you should be fine in a few days.”

She bites her lips. I carefully do not offer to do that for her. Now is not the time.

“Where are the girls?”

“With their grandmother for the weekend. You were so sick. It made sense to keep them away for the time being.”

A flicker of something flits across her expression at my words. “Okay.” She says neutrally.

“I’m sure you don’t feel great right now. Why don’t I grab you some fresh clothes and run you a bath?” I offer.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” She hesitantly replies.

I smile. “But I want to. Please, let me do this for you.”

I leave to accomplish my task before she can disagree. I help her in the bath after seeing her legs shake a little. “You’re not well yet, so please let me know when you finish so I can help you back to bed.”

I can see the embarrassment in her eyes. But she knows I am correct and does not argue.

I call the maid to put fresh linen on the bed and order some soup to be warmed up for later. Once Nan is bathed and redressed, I observe the way she takes in the fresh bed. How her eyes dart to the chair and blanket beside her.

I lay her back down on the bed. Adjust her pillows. “Is this comfortable?”

She nods. Neither of us speak. There is so much unsaid between us.

Until I break the silence. “I am so sorry.”

“What?” She says with surprise.

“You tried to tell me that you were innocent, but I did not believe you. I behaved reprehensively toward you out of my own jealousy. I am so, so sorry.”

She swallows. Her fingers grip the edge of the blanket. “Thank you.”

“I also should have explained myself properly. Nan, I never sent anyone to spy on you. I trust you.”

Her mouth opens slightly. A pang of hunger shoots through me at those parted red lips. Even like this, she is gorgeous to me.

“I’m sorry too. I just…the idea that you did not trust me…that you would send someone to spy on me…”

“I would never do that. I got the picture from some random number. And I lost my temper instead of questioning who would do this.” I pause.

“For that, I’m sorry too. You are so important to me Nan…the idea of you with some one else drive me temporarily insane.”

I grin a little at my own expense. But Nan does not smile. She stares at me searchingly for a long moment.

Then…she kisses me.