Chapter 78

Nan’s POV

“But regardless…we can never be together. I will never be your pack’s Luna.”

It kills me to say this to him.

It was true that I missed him. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn’t. Or to hide my hurt behind anger.

I missed Lionel. I missed our friendship. I missed being able to look at him without remembering the pain he put me through.

I went over all of my memories and conceptions of him. Trying to pinpoint how I so badly misjudged him. Wondering if I had been wrong about his kindness and generosity towards me.

Lionel literally appeared as my hero during my time of need. He followed that pattern every time since. It was his hidden core of softness that had allowed our relationship to become too close.

Unfortunately, this also colored my perception of him.

I had become convinced that I was wrong about him before. That Lionel was not truly that heartless, cold man I had meet that second time. That I knew the real Lionel.

But I was wrong.

Lionel had a side of him that thrived off his own authority. I had experienced it myself when he created the contract. I had witnessed in the power play between Lionel and his mother.

My humiliation at his hands opened my eyes to the truth. Lionel was hurt…so he hurt me back as much as he could. He was no saint of the Moon goddess.

I logically knew this. This realization helped me move toward acceptance. But it did not heal my wounded heart.

Then he came back. Showing up at my front door with his stupidly remorseful face. It was all too easy to slam my door shut.

But he persisted. Insisting that I spend time with the girls. Bringing back out familiar routines.

He never forced his company on me during their visits. Content to allow me my space as much as he could in my tiny studio apartment. It was a start.

Then the ‘subtle’ renovations began. He must have assumed I would not notice. But I clocked his actions the moment he started them.

Some part of me wanted to protest. Start a fight with him. Throw his gestures back in his face.

But I decided not to. Feeling a small swell of vindictiveness. I was in this rat hole because of him…it was only right he fixed things for me.

The bruises he inflicted on my soul began to heal. I no longer felt like screaming every time I caught his profile from the sides of my eyes. My scowls slowly faded.

I knew what he was hoping for. I knew how sorry he was. I appreciated the efforts.

But I couldn’t give him false hope. I had not fully forgiven him. Nor could I ever be the Luna of his pack.

The Luna of the wolf pack is the title for the alpha’s mate. The highest rank in pack hierarchy. Revered by everyone and second only to the alpha.

‘A wolf-less like me would never be accepted,’ I think sadly. ‘It’s best to nip this in the bud.’

I speak once more. “Please don’t argue with me. I just…can’t.”

Lionel frowns. “Are you sure…”

I nod firmly.

“Yes. I am.” I say heavily.

Lionel searches my face. “Okay.” He quietly agrees.

His easy agreement does not ease my mind. His mouth says one thing…but I can see the determination in his eyes. I know he has not given up.

“Lionel…” I start.

He watches me with a serious expression. Many explanations and argument come to my mind. Until I give up.

‘Why must he make this so difficult?’ I think. ‘It’s already hard enough to let him go. I wish he wouldn’t make this any harder.’

“I think it’s time for you to go home. The girls’ bedtime will be soon.” I finish lamely.

‘This isn’t over.’ I realize.

His last glance back at me as he walks through the door only furthers my suspicion.

I have no idea if that is a good or bad thing.

Lionel’s POV

Her haunted expression sticks in my mind.

She claimed we could never be. I was not ready to accept that. And it seems that neither was she from the sad look in her eyes.

I wanted to hold her to me. To beg her to confide in me. To know what thoughts put that look on her face.

But that was not currently my place to do.

I swore to myself that it would be soon.

Despite what she said…I knew we were meant to be mates. Our last night together was enough of a confirmation for me. I had felt the mate bond the entire time we laid together.

Yet it disappeared the moment I stopped touching her that night. At the time I was too angry to embrace it. I could kick myself for that.

There is only one way to find out. So I requested a viewing of some ancient text. Anything on mate bonds.

I spent the next few weeks pouring over the text in my free time. Looking for answers as I continue to quietly pursue Nan. Until one translated passage eventually catches my eyes.

…origin quite unknown. These people are widely considered to be unusual and unnatural. Some even claim these people have been abandoned by the Moon goddess. Thus they are widely known as the “wolf-less.” They have only emerged in a century or so since the Great Calamity. Some speculate that their wolf-less condition is a punishment from the Moon goddess for the wickedness that caused the Great Calamity. However, there is no true evidence to support this theory. Other than gossip, the true origins of this strange affliction are unknown.

By all accounts, the mating bond is formed between two wolves. Thus, a true mating bond should be impossible between a wolf and wolf-less. Yet mating bonds have been known to blossom between a wolf and wolf-less despite common misconception otherwise. The bond needs touch to be initiated. Often times there is an attraction between the fated pair. However, the wolf-less nature of one of the bonded means that the wolf-less might not be able to recognize the mate bond until the time of intercourse. Most wolves have described the bond as ‘fleeting’ or difficult to 'grasp’ before that point.

This idea supports the second theory. One that says that the Moon goddess has not abandoned these people. But rather, they may very well be descendants of the Lunara wolves of the lost Moon clan…

I blink in shock. This…this describes the mate bond I’ve been feeling exactly. But the implications are not lost on me.

That would mean that Nan is wolf-less.

I shake my head. Deciding not to jump to conclusions until I receive proof. So I call the mate bond expert.

He confirms the text.

“Yes, Alpha Lionel. If the mate on the other end is wolf-less…that would explain the symptoms of the mate bond.” He patiently informs me.

“Does that mean that the bond is not possible to complete?” I ask with fear.

“No. It just means that the wolf would need to fully claim their wolf-less. Once they do they bond should stabilize…it would be like any other mate bond.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. But then he speaks again. “Actually…”

“If the wolf-less is already feeling some of the effects…then the bond would be incredibly powerful. That is an indication of a fate mate.” He adds.

I resist the urge to crow in victory. “Thank you for your help.” I hang up the call.

There is only one place left to go.

I enter the prison. The blonde man on the other side of the glass glares at me. I look at him coldly.

“If you don’t cooperate…I can find ways to make your life a living hell in here. You will answer my question. If you don’t…”

David glares back hatefully but nods. He knows I am not bluffing.

“Is Nan wolf-less?” I ask.

His eyes widens. Then an evil smirk fell on his face. I want to smash his head into the glass.

“The bitch sure is. This is too rich. Finally worked out how useless she is?”

I look at him in disgust. I do not respond and leave. I have my answers now…combined with all the previous discrepancies I remembered about her.

Nan had lied to me when I asked her.

I let the knowledge of everything sweep into me. Then I get back in my car. Mind whirling.

I drive to go see Nan.