Chapter 115

Grace

It was like looking into a warped mirror and seeing the potential for a different life. In another world, she could have been my sister, sharing laughter, stories, and family gatherings, or a younger version of me: fierce and refusing to back down.

My apologies. You are a coward.

My jaw trembled at the thought of Eason. The guilt was knocking at my heart, not just because of him but because of this woman in front of me and the woman I had been before. The pain made my chest tight.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I found myself unable to respond. My body seemed so far away. I heard voices yelling around me, speaking, but I couldn't respond. It was like I was watching a movie.

Then, I saw the glinting gleam of a casket and a crisp blue suit. The scent of death and funeral flowers drifted into my nose.

I thought I would see my father in the casket, but it wasn't him.

It was Eason.

My stomach lurched. The last thing I had said to my brother, the last conversation we'd had, was nothing like I would have wanted, just like the last conversation I'd had with my father. I couldn't even remember clearly what I'd said or what he'd said, but I remember leaving and being pissed.

I remember not talking to him.

I remember the phone call telling me that he was dead.

"Are you just going to sit there and look at me like a fucking idiot or say something?" She screeched, pulling me out of my mind.

"... I have nothing to say."

She reared back, and I knew she was going to hit me, but someone came up behind her and pulled her away, screaming.

"Are you crazy? She could have you charged with treason!"

"I don't care!" She cried, pulling at the woman. "If my Dad died because of her, I'll never forgive her! I'll kill her whatever it takes!"

My heart ached for her as I watched her getting pulled away.

"Blood Moon is going to be the last of her problems!" The woman shrieked, sobbing. "He's... He's all I have left."

My stomach turned.

Eason had been all I'd had left then, and I had left him behind in this city where both of our parents had died, along with everything that I couldn't face.

And now, he was really the only family I had besides my kids, and I...

And I accused him of betrayal...

He left the safety and acceptance to come back for me, and I had wanted to take him in for treason...

Now, he was gone. I might never see him again, and I might not even live long enough to truly regret the way I had treated him in the last moments we were together.

How could I ever make that right?

The door burst open. More people screamed. The scent of blood and the sounds of gunshots filled my senses. People were spilling in, hauled in by Enforcers barking orders. I got to my feet, focusing on the injured coming in. I wasn't thinking. I didn't let myself think. My hands were shaking as I bandaged people the best I could, but it felt like I was trapped in a nightmare.

It seemed like for every person I tried to help, there were three others coming in from the front doors. Their clothes were stained with blood. They cried and screamed at me, shoving me away, but there was nothing I could say or do but step away. My heart constricted as I turned to look back outside.

The steps of City Hall were stained red and slick with fresh blood. On the street were Charles and the Lycan Enforcers hustling around to clear the streets. They were apprehending the individuals who had been involved in the van shooting and running in every direction as if they were trying to catch some other people. Blood was splattered across the streets. I saw pairs of them leaning over people who were slumped around the area.

Were they dead?

Would they make it?

Then, there was a woman waving a microphone, followed by a man with a camera on his shoulder. Reporters swarmed. Cameras flashed as they swarmed the Enforcers.

Suddenly, a wall of light appeared, pushing them back and out of the way of the Enforcers who were getting people up from the ground.

I could already imagine what they were saying and what they would say.

My stomach turned with disgust. How could they think that now was the time for a statement? Now wasn't the time for judgment when people were dying and more might be in danger.

Then again, how could I blame them? Hadn't I been judging Eason not even a few hours ago? Judging him for things that I hadn't even had the courage to really ask about?

My eyes met Charles', and for a brief moment, I took solace in the reassuring look he gave me. Maybe I couldn't believe that I should be here, but he was out there, and he was doing everything in his power to make sure that things would go smoothly.

Did I owe him an apology, too? Sure, I hadn't said it to Charles' face, but he had to have known.

He'd been protecting me, looking out for me--honest with me at every turn. Had he lied even once to me? And at first chance, I had doubted his motives.

I'd doubted him so much faster than I had ever doubted Devin.

I scoffed at that. My eyes burned. I hadn't even doubted Devin until it was thrust in my face.

"Hey."

I turned to look at Amira. Her smile was weak, but her eyes were warm as she looked at me. "You can't look like you've been tossed around and give a speech about having everything under control."

I didn't have a damn thing under control. We both knew it, yet I followed her out of the foyer and to my office.

She sat me in my office chair and started to fuss over my hair and jacket. I don't know how she got the smear of dust off my jacket or corralled my hair into something presentable, but I didn't fight her.

She put a warm cup of coffee in my hand and started to fiddle with the things on my desk.

As I sipped the warm coffee, the taste of normality and comfort filled my senses. It was a rare moment of peace amid the turmoil.

"Amira..."

"Yes?"

"You hate me too, don't you?" She turned to look at me. "Don't you think it would be better for me to step down?"

She blinked. "He really knows you well."

I frowned. "What?"

"Eason," she said. Her lips twitched. "He told me... that a large part of my job was going to be turning your trap question back on you."

Trap questions...

I almost laughed. How many times had I heard Eason say that to me?

I'm not answering trap questions. Think about it and get back to me.

"So, do you think I should hate you?" She frowned. "Or better yet, do you hate you?"

My jaw trembled, and I closed my eyes. The answer was screaming from somewhere deep inside, but I couldn't voice it.

She crouched down beside me. "My mom and I used to fight a lot. She would... make all of these wild decisions. I mean absolutely bonkers, and always look around at everyone else as if we were to blame for her decisions..."

I winced. "I thought you... and your mother had a good relationship."

"We do now," she said. "And you know, I think a large part of that wasn't distance. Sure, moving away for college and whatever helped me get some perspective on her motivations, but what really did it, I think, was my brother."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

She smiled. "He's living his best life as a professor in Northfall."

I nodded. "I'm glad he's happy... and safe."

"You know what he did?"

I shook my head. "He started asking her why."

"Why what?"

She shook her head. "Just why. Why did she believe anyone else was at fault? Why did she decide to do this or that? Why? Why? Why? Until he got to the heart of it: she was scared, angry, prideful, and ultimately unprepared to be an adult... She didn't even want to be an adult. She didn't want the responsibility." She smirked. "I wasn't home for it, but apparently, she burst into tears and was a sobbing, snotty mess for a solid hour."

I blinked. "Are you saying you think I don't want the responsibility?"

"I'm asking why."

I blinked. "Why?"

"Why did you accuse Eason of wanting to be alpha?" Amira narrowed her eyes. "Why are you so sure that Eason's been sabotaging you? And why are you so sure of it when you have no proof?"