Chapter 223

Grace

Eason paused at the door, his back turned to me. My stomach turned with fear about what he would say, even though I couldn't conjure anything that he could say. After a beat of silence, he turned back to me.

"I was busy."

"Busy with what?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "What's it matter to you?"

I set my jaw.

"If you're going to accuse me of trying to take over Mooncrest again, I'm calling Esme."

I winced at that. "Do I not have a right to know?"

"You don't."

I swallowed. "Will you tell me anyway?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Give me a good reason."

My jaw trembled as I lifted my gaze. "Because... Because I'm your alpha."

"Not a citizen. Try again."

"I'm still your sister."

He shrugged. "I was busy. I don't work for you, and we've never had that kind of relationship, now have we?"

I winced, thinking back to when we were in high school. I hadn't known about Jackson or a lot of things, but it hadn't been that bad. Had it? There was so much I didn't know...

There was so much I hadn't cared to know or ask.

Had I ever asked Eason who his first kiss was? Aside from being okay with him being gay, had I ever really been there for him emotionally? I swallowed. When we were kids, we were so much closer, but now, I realize that I didn't know if that was true because we were close or just because we spent more of our time together.

I didn't know Eason that well, not beyond the broad strokes. I stared at him, looking at him and trying to find words beyond because I wanted to know. They felt... overbearing, true, but wrong, and something told me that Eason wasn't going to tell me just because I wanted.

Was he hiding something?

Something that his alpha had asked him to hide?

I bit my lip. Did he have an alpha at all? Was it George? Ethan?

"How about you focus on the bigger problems?" He glanced around. "Like maybe turning your office back into an office."

I looked around. "Eason... Eason, I just..."

He groaned. "Are you going to mope and/or send yourself into a spiral?"

I set my jaw, wanting to say no, but it must have shown on my face.

"By the moon," he scoffed. "I have my own life. Add that to your make your peace with list, too."

He stepped out. I followed, unable to stop myself. "Where are you going?"

"Out, and I'm running late."

My anger simmered, laced with a flicker of hurt. "Busy visiting friends?" I asked the question sharper than I intended.

His lips twitched. "I'm surprised you know those words go together."

I growled. "Eason--"

"And as a matter of fact, yes. We're planning a Northfall get-together. A getaway. Reunion: chat and catch up. You should try it sometime." He scoffed and put on his jacket. "If you even remember attending school with anyone before Devin."

"Why can't you tell me why you didn't answer my calls?"

He turned, his eyes flashing. "Because a) it's none of your business, and b) it's not can't, it's won't."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons," he said and shoved his keys in his pocket. "Maybe when I get back, you'll be in a better mood?"

I bit my lip. Words died in my throat as he headed out, shutting the door behind him. Shutting me out.

My shoulders slumped. Something in me felt blue and sad, confused and aching. The questions he didn't answer left my head swirling. I felt unsteady like I could float out of my body at any minute. More questions swirled in my mind. I had half a mind to follow him. Maybe he did have an alpha. Someone else he's sworn allegiance to, and that's why he didn't see me as someone to listen to any longer.

I gripped the pages in my hand. What reasons could he possibly have for ignoring my calls when he knew I was on trial? What if I had needed him? What if I was checking on my children? I huffed. He could have been asleep, but what if...

What if he hadn't been? What if he was hiding something from me? Did I have the right to ask? To judge? To investigate?

Part of me said yes. He was still my little brother. He was in my house with my kids. Anything could have happened, but that felt like hollow reasoning.

Sure, he was in my house, but it was only technically mine because Eason wasn't a citizen right now...

Because of my mistake.

I swallowed down the burning swell of grief and shame.

Because of my decision.

No matter how I tried to run from it, it was going to come back. It always did. In all those years, I hadn't lost a bit of sleep thinking about Mooncrest, about anything aside from the house, Cecil, Richard, and trying to be a good wife to Devin. I wasn't even really losing sleep now.

Before I'd had a chance to do any of that, Charles had come. After a few moments of uncertainty and fear... and Charles had fucking rescued me. I swallowed, pushing those thoughts away.

It wasn't my fault that Devin had deceived me, used me, and turned out to be nothing like I thought he was...

I swallowed, looking at the pages. How had Eason even found them? I wasn't even sure where they'd gone. Devin had stored it in his office. I was certain of that. I flipped through them, but my eyes weren't reading the words.

I don't remember reading them before, either.

You're right, Devin.

Maybe I should.

I mean, you are more equipped to deal with it... They'll respect you more...

I shook my head. I hated that all of that had made such sense at the time, even though it didn't make much sense now. I hated it.

I hated even more that Eason just insisted that I had to get over it and move on. He might have had all this time to grieve everything that happened, but I hadn't!

Was that what it was? He'd gotten through the grieving, and all of this was just punishment?

Maybe he resented me more than he let on.

The uncertainty gnawed at me, but there wasn't much time before the auditor showed up, looking to make my life hard. I shouldn't have thrown a fit. I shouldn't have trashed my office. I shouldn't be sitting here in the foyer like a lost little girl with nothing to do.

There was so much to do. So much to figure out, yet I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed by all the things that I knew I had to do...

And all the things I couldn't undo.

I stared at the pages. I looked at the door. I looked down at the pages again, and my eyes welled with tears.

"Mommy?"

I looked up, wiping my face quickly as Cecil came down the hallway.

She stopped and frowned at me. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

I swallowed, shaking my head. "I'm just... A little sad, is all."

She pouted and plopped down beside me. "Is it because you miss Uncle Charles?"

My lips twitched, thinking of Charles. "Probably."

"Well, why don't you call him?" Cecil tilted her head. "That's what Uncle Eason does when he misses people."

I blinked, thinking back to all the years between Cecil's birth and now.

Had Eason never missed me? Is that why he hadn't called?

Would it have mattered if he did? Would I have picked up the phone?

"I'm going to play with my blocks," Cecil said. "You don't look like you'll play with me."

"Of course I will."

She shook her head. "I don't want to play with you when you're sad."

I blinked at her, stunned by the words. She skipped away, and part of me swore she'd said those words to me before.

Had it been after an argument with Devin? On Dad's death anniversary? I couldn't remember.

Maybe it hadn't been either of those times.

Once I heard her in the playroom, I pulled out my phone and sighed. I picked myself off the ground and shuffled into the kitchen to make myself some tea. Something warm would probably help my mood, and if not, I'd pour some whiskey into it, and that would definitely brighten my mood. As the kettle boiled, I dialed Charles' number. At the least, I could expect him to give me a different perspective on this. I winced. Maybe. I wasn't sure if I'd get my boyfriend... lover... partner? Or my mentor.

I bit my lip. What should I call him these days? I'd have to ask him.

"The owner of this number is not available."

I frowned, hearing the generic voicemail. Disappointment gnawed at me. I called again, but it went to voicemail again.

Was he somewhere he didn't get reception, or was he simply busy the way Eason had been?

Where was everyone when I needed them?