Chapter 31

“Okay, do you have your receipts for those purchases?” Daniel asks, looking up from a pile of papers on my kitchen table to look at me.

I look down, shuffling through the different stapled packets. “It should be here somewhere.”

“Then we’ll put that with this information here and include that information into the case once we explain the whole situation.”

Nodding, I find the packet I’m searching for. “Got it!” I stand up and hand it over.

“Great!” Daniel smiles, chipper as usual. “And then I also grabbed both of your tax returns from the PDFs you sent me from last year.”

I groan. “That must have taken forever to go through.”

“Honestly, it wasn’t too bad. I’ve seen much worse in similar situations.”

Daniel is very sweet. I’m well aware, however, of how much he just continues to stare at me when he doesn’t have anywhere else to look.

It’s self-evident that he’s falling for me. How far he’s already fallen is unclear, but I can see it’s hitting him hard.

It reminds me of how Ryan and I fell in love with one another in the past. Or so I thought we did. Maybe that was all a lie, too.

“Well, hopefully, we’re able to do everything here that we’ve set out to accomplish,” I state, hands on my hips as I look over everything.

We’ve been at this for a while now, going back and forth for days to figure everything out. This is the first day that Daniel’s been at my apartment, and I wonder, deep down, if he’s expecting anything more than work.

The truth is, while he isn’t quite as tall as Derek, he is a handsome man with what looks to be his own more minor set of muscles.

“Once I’m back in the office, I can get to work on filing that paperwork and getting everything set in motion for a trial date, getting everything approved with my bosses and against Ryan’s lawyers.”

“The sooner I’m divorced from that asshat, the better,” I can’t help but say.

I haven’t missed anything about Ryan, which is quite odd. After years, I would have assumed I’d be crying into my pillow every night, missing the man I married.

But his betrayal has taken away any hope for compassion.

Even if he has more than one baby on the way.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Daniel asks, looking hopeful. His dark blue eyes are wide, giving off the illusion of the “puppy-dog” expression I’ve heard Annie and Lily speak of.

Something about Daniel makes me feel guilty. I appreciate all his help, kindness, and, yes, tenacity. A man like that is hard to come by.

“Esme?”

I realize that I’ve ignored his question, and I shake my head

“Sorry!” I say, embarrassed. “I was just…going over all of it in my head, making sure we had it all taken care of.”

“So, did you need anything?”

I sigh, wishing there was a different answer to give.

But I don’t have any room in my heart right now for anyone.

“No. I’m honestly pretty tired,” I admit. “Work has been hard, and the stress of the divorce is making things tougher.”

Daniel nods. “I can understand that.”

I feel the words on the tip of my tongue, seemingly ready to admit to my lawyer that I’m pregnant with my soon-to-be ex’s baby. If I say that, then he might even be more inclined to understand why I don’t want anything with him, even though that’s not the actual reason.

“I appreciate you asking. But right now, I’m only thinking about taking a nap.”

It’s only three in the afternoon, and I’m not a nap person. But my words feel authentic because the exhaustion that has crept in is genuine.

“Oh, of course!” He says, seemingly understanding that it’s time to go. “Sorry!”

“No, don’t worry!” I reply back, feeling somewhat bad for making him think whatever it is he’s now feeling.

“I actually have a lot of work to do, and I didn’t even realize the time.”

Is that the truth? Because his eyes still indicate he’s hoping I’ll change my mind.

How hard is it to just say to the man that I’m not interested? Apparently, it’s impossible.

“Just text me if you need anything at all,” Daniel replies. “I’m here to help.”

I’m sure he’s here in more ways than one.

“Thanks, Daniel. I’ll do that for sure.”

With nothing left to say, he grabs everything of his on the table, nods his head with a small smile, and lets himself out the door.

“Goddammit,” I groan when the door has closed. “How is this actually what my life has come to?”

I wish I was screaming that sentence instead of it coming as barely a whisper. But how am I supposed to take on a lawsuit against Ryan while my lawyer is clearly going to admit he’s in love with me?

My brain seems to be ready with the answer to that. “The same way you take on any work that Derek sends your way.”

There isn’t a reason to care about Derek more than a friend or a boss. He’s done so much for me already, not just at work. And besides, even if there is something that I feel for him, it’s clearly marked as one-sided.

“You’ve been avoiding him anyways!” My brain is shouting at me.

But it’s not enough to quell my desire and want to talk to him.

I grab my phone off the table, doing everything in my power to think of the perfect text that doesn’t ask too much of Derek.

What about the Max project?

Cautiously, I open my texts with Derek. We haven’t spoken outside of the office since the day in his apartment. I’m surprised he has pressed more into getting answers out of me, but maybe that’s just because he values my space?

“What day will the partner from the Max project be in the office again? I have it written down from the meeting with no date.”

It’s a stupid question, really. One I know the answer to. He had his secretary let me know the day would be Monday, and I’d confirmed it in my calendar.

But before I really have a moment to overthink my text, his reply comes in.

“We’d gotten the confirmation of the partner coming after the fact. Monday afternoon, we’ll be seeing them.”

An immediate response and a professional answer. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I can’t read this man.

I debate calling Derek and having a talk with him outside the realm of our work. Or maybe I can talk with him at work casually, asking about the girls during work this week?

Or maybe, just maybe, tell him a secret no one else knows?

Being honest with Derek shouldn’t be this conflicting! I let out a long, frustrated groan into the air of my apartment, throwing my phone down on the couch as it bounces away.

I already know Derek trusts me with large projects and believes in my work. I know he values my dedication and has always treated me with kindness.

But I keep going back to the breakdown in his apartment, begging myself to decide if this is something to discuss with him. It’s a lie in my mind, refusing to explain the reasoning for my behavior.

What’s the worst lie?

The baby? The breakdown? The excuse I made up to talk with him?

Because no one, not even Annie and Lily, knows the truth any more than Derek.