Chapter 38

Derek finds me with my legs up an hour later while I’m in the middle of a phone call. When I give him permission by calling him in, he stops short when he sees my positioning.

“Do I want to know?” He asks me quietly as I listen to the other person on my line talk.

“I’ll explain,” I whisper back before I return to my phone call. “Alright, just message me with the details on Monday, and we’ll go from there. Make sure you have a great weekend and say hi to Frank for me, alright? Have a good one.”

I hang up the phone and sigh loudly, leaning my head back in the chair.

“So. Just hanging around?” Derek taunts, giving me his taunting smile.

“Ha-ha,” I respond, sticking my tongue out like we’re kids. “For your information, my doctor has informed me this can help me.”

“Help with what?”

“Oh, sorry, I guess the pants make it hard to tell. I’ve got swelling going on, and she said I need to get off of my feet to calm it down.”

“Why do you have leg swelling?”

I bite my lower lip, needing an excuse. The last thing I want to do right now is cause any sort of riff or change the working relationship he and I have.

So, instead of telling him I’m pregnant, I shrug. “No idea. I saw her this week while I was off for my annual checkup. Just something that seems to have joined me in my 30s.”

Derek lets a laugh slip out. “Yeah, that tends to happen. When I turned 30, I no longer knew how to hold my liquor. I was away at a conference, and what used to be the start of the night in a few glasses turned into me losing it in my hotel bathroom.”

I wrinkle my nose at this confession. “Ew! That’s awful!”

“Thankfully, no one saw a thing; it was just me and the toilet.”

I snort.

“You laugh, but it’s the truth.”

Not like he knows the morning sickness I’ve been having. Thankfully it comes while I’m still at the apartment, and Derek’s seen nothing.

Something tells me if Derek sees me getting sick in the apartment, matched with the swollen legs, the mood swings, and his knowledge of having a pregnant wife twice, he’ll put it all together. He’ll realize I’m pregnant before I’m ready to tell anyone outside of my friends.

“No, I understand. I’ve been cutting back because of these migraines lately,” I lie straight through my teeth. “Sometimes just a sip of wine, and I’m in bed like I’m hungover.”

“That’s brutal for sure,” he replies, shaking his head at the thought.

“Guess thirty is the new sixty,” I joke.

“Hey now!” He crosses his arms as he stands towering over me and my legs that hang over the desk. “We’re still young, Esme. Don’t try putting us in wheelchairs before we’re ready!”

I roll my eyes. “No, I know! We’ve still got a lot of life left to live.”

“Yes, exactly.” He plops into the chair across from me again. “But at least you’re getting that terrible husband out of the picture before you two really grow any further. The more distance you can put between the two of you, the better I anticipate your happiness and life.”

I shake my head while smiling at Derek. “The only thing I need right now is a damn massage. Ryan might be a cheating scumbag piece of shit, but at least he would massage my legs if I’d needed it in the past.”

“Well, better that he’s not here. I’d probably give him that punch in the face I’ve been looking to deliver.”

I sit up, letting my legs drop. “Derek! You don’t mean that, do you?”

“Why not? Like you said. He’s a cheating bastard.”

“Yeah, but do you really think punching his idiotic face is going to solve any of my issues?”

“It might break his nose,” he shrugs.

I pretend to debate the pros and cons of Ryan and a broken nose. Tapping on my chin, I reply, “Breaking Ryan’s nose would be a great bonus to how he’s treated me. However, I think he might be able to use that to win more in the divorce.”

Derek narrows his eyes. “Who says he has to know who I am?”

“Oh, no, Ryan knows who you are.”

Without really thinking about it, I touch my necklace, the one Derek gave me the day Ryan announced we were going to get a divorce.

Ryan’s words echo in my head from that night.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Ryan spit, seemingly implying that I’m a liar. “You’re having an affair with your boss; don’t deny it!”

The accusations of cheating had felt like a slap in the face back then. But the thought that this whole time, I could very well have been cheating, and Ryan wouldn’t know a thing.

“His ego is so big that it leaves very little for the rest of his personality,” I say, disbelief that I put up with his bullshit for so long.

Derek seems to see that I’ve gone somewhere else for a second. “He hasn’t tried to do anything? I know it’s difficult to deal with.”

I lean forward, shaking my head to prove I’m okay. Taking a breath, I close my eyes to say the next thing. “Things may have been bad the past few weeks, but nothing with Ryan.”

“You’d mentioned you found a lawyer at one point.”

I open my eyes, giving him a kind smile. “I did. He’s doing everything he can to help with his group.”

“Anyone I might know?”

“Nah, they’re new to the divorce game. I’m sure they’re not in your wheelhouse.”

Shrugging, Derek leans back, taking in everything.

I cock my head to the side. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he says, shooing my words off.

“Obviously, it’s not nothing since you don’t want to tell me.”

Derek’s eyes roll subtly, but he makes sure to keep his smile on. “The whole thing is just…your husband is an asshole.”

“Well, tell me how you really feel.”

“I’m serious, Esme. The idea that all he wants is to take your money and make your life more difficult is disgusting.”

“Well, I’m not that shocked. Honestly, things had been different for months. I should have been much more cautious. I mean, this bastard waited until our anniversary to drop this divorce on me.”

Surprising me, Derek growls.

“What was that for? Something stuck in your throat?” I pause, knowing that’s not the real answer to this.

“No.”

“So, you’re just practicing your growls now?”

He rolls his eyes. “It’s wildly…agitating to hear this bullshit. The idea that someone could treat their own wife with such disrespect before sleeping with their family. It feels like a terrible rom-com.”

“Is that what you think?” It’s odd hearing Derek speaking on my love life, but in a sense, we’ve been doing that for a while now.

“You deserve to be treated much better than Ryan ever could have.”

I want to reach across the desk and grab his hand to reassure him that his kindness is appreciated, but in truth, that might cause more questions than answers.

So, instead, I lean back in my chair only to remember my legs are still swollen and hurt even more.

“Shit,” I groan, bringing them back up. “Damn legs. I’m gonna need to massage them later.”

“I can do that if you really need it.”

My head whips so fast to stare at my boss that my blonde hair flies across my face, partially blinding me. Did he just…is that actually…Derek what?

My face immediately grows hot under the pressure of waiting to answer his offer.

“No, don’t worry, that’s okay.”

Does he hear what he just said? Like, is he actually serious right now?

“I’ll just have to start wearing flats for a bit,” I go on, still watching Derek as I tread carefully.

With no indication of a continuation of our conversation, I feel the air around us grow more awkward.

I glance at the clock on my desk, showing it’s already almost 12:30. That’s my cue that it’s time to go.

Thankful for the half day, I start gathering up my stuff, putting piles together for the new week of what’s been done and what’s to come.

As I stand up, Derek stands with me.

“Is there something you need before I go?” I pretend the last two minutes haven’t just happened, and painfully walk a few steps to grab my belongings. I’ll have to check if the blood has stopped, and get off my legs as soon as I can.

“Uh, no, I don’t need anything.”

“Alright. Then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Gathering my things, I slowly move toward the door, but Derek quickly slides in my way to stop me.

“Esme?”

“Derek?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me? Something that you want to tell me?”

I blanche to keep my emotions in check. “I think I’ve been telling you more than even my best friends know.” It’s honest, but I’m not saying a word about this baby.

“No, that’s not…I meant if you’re keeping more secrets that are just going to hurt—”

I interrupt him with a head shake. “Nothing to talk about. No more secrets. That’s the truth.”

Derek doesn’t seem to believe me, but steps aside, nonetheless.

“Then I guess I’ll see you at the apartments.”

“I guess you will.”

I walk around my boss and make my way to the bathroom to do a quick spitting check. The good news is the spotting has stopped.

And when I finally get home, my swollen legs are much closer to their initial size.

But as I lay myself down for a quick nap, I can’t stop hearing Derek asking to give me a massage at work.

Did he forget that he’s my boss? That what he offered could be seen as just another form of sexual harassment? The last thing I want right now is to hurt this man in any way, and even though the lies about the baby may be well-meaning, I’m not looking to lose Derek his job just for his…kindness, I guess I’ll call it.

After all, partial lies are better than full ones.