Chapter 58

“And I’ll have those numbers determined once the remainder of the information comes in,” I say into my work phone. “Don’t worry, I know everything is a mess right now but it’s an easy fix.”

I sigh and look up, startled to see Derek standing at my open office door. He looks serious and also worried.

“Mack, my boss just walked in. Talk later, okay? Let me know if you need anything else.”

The phone clicks down, and I wave in my boss.

“What’s up?”

I guess I’ve been so distracted, I didn’t even notice the large envelope in his hands. “Whoa. Whatcha got there?”

He walks in, but no answers are given. Instead, he hands me the envelope.

I look at it, seeing the name of the company across the page.

“Jackson, Paulson, and Pomperio Inc,” I read aloud. “That’s not much to go off of.” The flap up is already undone, so I pull out the stack of papers.

“Internal Investigation: Derek Anderson v Esme Price. Possible affair, abuse of power, illegal meetings, and unnecessary raises.”

My neck nearly snaps as I look back up at the man. “What the fuck?”

“Headquarters heard about Natalie. They contacted her, and even though Georgia already gave them all of the information we shared with her, we’re still going to be investigated.”

“Unbelievable!” The papers slap down on my desk. “People really have nothing better to do with their lives!”

“I already got a letter. You’ll be getting one, too. An entire team is being put together to look into everything that’s on that page,” he says flatly.

“There’s quite literally nothing happening here.” The anxiety is still building up regardless of how true that is.

“They don’t care. Georgia did her job. But this is higher than just simple HR at this point.”

“How do we get them to understand we’re boss and subordinate? This entire farce is just getting in the way of everyone doing their jobs, and making the company look like shit!”

Derek narrows his eyes at me. “I know it’s frustrating. But this reflects the company, and in their eyes, we’re clearly violating multiple rules.”

I snort. “The only rule I’ve violated is my patience. I could go to Georgia right now and swear up and down!”

“There’s nothing Georgia can do. She’s done her job.”

“Ugh!” The noise is unintentional, but it proves my frustration has hit it’s peak.

The two of us just stay in our places—I sit, stewing in my seat as I try to wrap my head around the bullshit. Derek stands in his light grey suit, dapper and handsome but also seemingly lost in a world I’m not aware of.

“This is my fault.”

Derek’s eyebrows furrow. “How the fuck is it your fault? What did you do wrong?”

Huffing, I stand up slowly. “You are one of the only people that knows I’m pregnant? Or the fact I’ve moved in next door to you and have a relationship with your kids? What about you taking me to my doctor appointment last week? Or that Natalie saw you kiss me at the pool two months ago?”

“How does any of that mean you’re at fault, though?”

“Because we’ve become friends. We’re not just two people that work together, Derek. Your kids are important to me, and I’d be there for them in a heartbeat if they needed me.”

Derek crosses his arms now, and I can tell his patience is beginning to run thin.

“Esme, your points don’t matter in all of this. What we’re being investigated for is straight up harassment. You already have enough on your plate. The company is still pursuing the lawsuit against Max. You’re getting divorced. You’re pregnant. All of this stacked up against you?”

“Except it’s not only against me. Look, Natalie clearly wants us to get all in knots over this investigation. But what will they find? Our text messages, emails, hell, most of our conversations are tethered to the work we do here.”

“And then there’s the times you’ve assured me that my past doesn’t make who I am in the present. Come over to my apartment and fed me. Took me to your daughters show at the daycare. Called me because Bea left. What are all those instances?”

“That’s not—”

“You don’t treat me like an underling.”

“You’re not one!”

“Yes, I am! I’m supposed to be under you! This isn’t a debate that we should be having. We’ve been pushing the envelope on what’s appropriate and what’s not. In the end, we have blurred any lines we had the day I left my husband.”

He growls. “What’s that shit fuck have to do with anything?” Never in our time working together have I heard Derek use language like this, including when Bea was missing. The hurt is clearly overflowing. But that doesn’t mean things can stay as they are.

“Things changed. I left him, I moved in next door, and the rest is sitting between us.” I feel so tired of pushing against the grain. I don’t want to do this, even if it means saving my job.

The truth is, I want to tell Derek there’s obviously feelings we’re harboring. I thought for a while it was just one way or the other. Strange that I couldn’t sort through this sooner.

It’s too late now.

“We should be work acquaintances only. Maybe we can revisit the friendship in the future—”

“You want me to just drop all of this like you haven’t become a massive part of my personal life? You’re like a second mom to my girls. They don’t even have a mom at this point.”

My chest tries to extricate itself from my body. Fuck.

“I can still be there if they need advice. I don’t mind doing that. But the entire set of suits at headquarters has to be convinced we’re two people who work together and nothing more.”

His anger is flying off him in waves. The more I say, the worse I’m clearly making him feel. His girls feel like staples in my life, just like Derek. But how do I make things stable? How do I ensure everyone’s safety?

Headquarters could find out we’ve had this conversation, but it just proves I’m willing to keep fighting for a job I love.

So, Derek needs to be pushed away at all costs.

“That’s it then? You’re just demoting…this?” He points at me, then at himself, his hands trembling. “You choose to act as if we haven’t learned all the worst parts of one another?”

“Because we’ve also learned all the best.”

“I’m not so sure we have.”

“Don’t fight it, Derek. It’s done. We’ll save our jobs and get through each hoop.”

He breathes in heavily. “Esme. Don’t do this.”

But I’ve already made my choice. “I’m sorry, Derek.”

The hurt on his face makes way to a new expression I’ve never seen my boss make. Two months ago, I couldn’t have imagined this conversation to save our jobs. I just saw my boss as a kind, caring and smart man.

Here, in my office, with a desk and a declaration made between us is a man trying to keep his heart to himself.

In the silence, I try to find the right words. There are no more words in this conversation. We’ve reached the conclusion, and there’s nothing we can do differently.

Pushing Derek away is the only way to ensure everyone is happy.

Blinking a few times, Derek clears his throat, adjusts his jacket, and nods/

“The Gimble project will go to you. I just need to get my notes and contacts together. You should have it in your inbox by tomorrow.”

Without saying anything more, he turns and leaves my office quietly. I can’t help watching him go, knowing that the expression on his face won’t leave my mind no matter what I try.

I question if the look Derek gave was anything like how he felt when he and his ex-wife were over.

My heart yearns to ask.

My mind forces me to return to work.