Chapter 62

The past few days have been hazy for me. Trying not to get lost in the daze of emotions has been tough.

Derek called and left a message while I took a nap one day. “Stay home, focus on your health. I’ve cleared it with all the appropriate channels.”

I’m going to use up all of my sick and vacation days at this point.

But I didn’t bother Derek with my own phone call. Instead, I just sent him a text with a thumbs up.

“You know you can’t solve all your problems while hiding away in bed, right?” Annie comes over one day during her lunch break, offering some soup from one of her favorite places.

“I’m not a teenager anymore,” I reply, taking the plastic to-go container with a small smile.

“You’re not, no. But ever since Ryan wanted a divorce, you’re just this…different person. And I don’t say that as an insult.”

Looking up from my soup, I tilt my head. “Then what did you mean for it to sound like?”

My blonde best friend sits down on the couch at my feet. Her perfectly manicured hand falls on my leg, and she squeezes. “I mean that you’re taking everything on by yourself, putting more pressure on it all.”

“I don’t have much of a choice though, do I?” I ask her, returning my attention to the container. “Besides. I’m pregnant on top of everything else.”

Annie doesn’t respond, watching me as I take a small sip of the chicken noodle. It’s warm and fills me with just a little bit of spirit. Why can’t life be as easy as taking a sip of soup?

“Ryan was supposed to be the love of my life.” I don’t look at her, just down at the meal. “He took my heart and ripped it to shreds. He cheated with my cousin and then got her pregnant. Then he tried to take everything from me. He’s still trying to take it all from me.”

My back relaxes into the couch cushions, thinking about the anger in Ryan’s stupid face. The blue eyes that used to comfort me when I was scared, the smell of his short, blonde hair that I’d inhale after he’d showered.

Our love just feels like a fake story; was he always trying to leave? Did he live in a world where I was the problem no matter what?

“The sad reality of it all? Life’s not fair. I already knew this, though.” I lift my head, knowing the tears building in my eyes will fall soon.

“No, life isn’t fair,” Annie concurs.

“I have to do it all myself. Prepare and raise this baby. Continue working my ass off to provide for a child, and still find a way to get up every day and fight for it.”

Annie moves closer. “You’re not going to raise this baby without any help. Lily and I are here. Your mom is here. Ryan’s going to lose everything in court and owe you money.”

I sigh. “If it was only that easy.”

“But it can be. I know there’s stuff you haven’t opened up about.”

“What?” I raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“I can tell something else happened to you. Now, do I know what? Of course not. But that doesn’t stop my radar from going off.”

“There’s nothing—”

“I’m not listening to your lies, Esme. You are allowed to take the time to get back on your feet. But maybe you need to start realizing how many people are in your corner and want you happy. And that includes Derek.”

Annie left after that, hugging me as I thanked her for the soup, plunging me back into silence.

It’s the next day. Now, I rub my eyes, looking around my room. It’s in complete disarray. But it’s so hard to get myself going.

“Lazy,” I mutter. It’s good that I have this time off, because I don’t know how I’d be at work. Yet I fear for the job I love so much.

I don’t have much time to think about anything before my phone starts to beep on my nightstand. Worried Ryan’s found a new way to me, I check the message with caution.

But it’s not Ryan, thankfully. Instead, I see a few missed calls from numbers I don’t have saved in my phone, and one text from Derek.

“Everyone is asking about when you’ll be back. All send their well wishes.”

My heart yearns for each word on my screen. God, am I just a complete idiot? I keep doing this to him, trying to make the right decisions when they only make me feel hollow inside.

Maybe I should have him come over. Discuss everything. Actually have a real conversation instead of pushing what I want.

Annie and Lily think I’m crazy. Even I feel a bit nuts.

But I don’t think Derek has any interest in what I have to say right now. After the way I was with him? I can’t imagine he’s ready for any sort of communication.

I sigh, checking the phone calls I’ve been getting. They stand out, and I know who it is. The police numbers that I’ve been given in the past few days.

Did things change? Was Ryan arrested?

I’m beaten to the punch, and my phone begins to ring again with the same number. I hit the button, anxious for this call.

“Hello?”

“Esme? This is Detective Mattison.”

I push some hair behind my ears, sitting up straighter. “Yes, hi. What can I do for you?”

He clears his throat. “Honestly, I should be asking you that question. I’ve come into some information, and I wanted to discuss it with you.”

“Yes?”

“So it turns out that your husband—”

“Please don’t call him my husband,” I interrupt.

“Of course,” he apologizes. “Ryan was right. I’ve looked into it, and it seems each time the police have gone to either his job or house, he’s not there to take the restraining order. The way our law works is that the order can’t be put into effect unless it’s been given directly to them.”

I feel my throat grow tight, my eyes welling up with tears of frustration. “Of course not.”

“Unfortunately, he hasn’t actually broken any laws. Yes, you’re trying to get the order to him, but if he’s technically unaware and hasn’t been served, there’s nothing that the police are capable of doing.”

I roll my eyes. “So, there’s nothing you can do, is there?”

“No, Esme, there’s a lot more I can do. To start, now that I’m on this case, I’m not letting this bastard slip through the police’s sticky grasp. Not only do we have the cops on this, but we have multiple detectives involved, too.”

“Which means?”

“We’re going to find your ex and serve him. This is just one time knocking on the door and coming back later. This is much bigger than that.”

I cover my mouth with my hand, still unable to keep the tears from falling down my face. It’s shocking to hear him say all of this. To have someone on my side that is capable of actually doing something about it.

“Thank you, detective. Really.”

“We’re going to do our best here. I assure you, Esme, we’re going to do absolutely everything to figure this out and keep this man from interfering in your life any further.”

When we hang up, I feel a huge sigh of relief course through me. It’s not going to be any bullshit excuses. Mars is going to find my idiot husband, and we’re going to end this marriage once and for all. I refuse to put up with this any fucking longer.

Maybe my wishes aren’t only dreams after all.

Feeling a bit of strength boosting my mood, I decide to take a shower, since I’ve been a mess the past few days. Even if this is just one small step, I think I’m allowed to feel this way. Just a step in the right direction.

So, I go to the bathroom and start the water, wanting to take a bath first. It’ll be nice to relax even just for a few minutes.

As I’m gathering some things for the shower, my phone lights up again, though this time I just see “Unknown Number.” Do I really want to find out if that’s the man I can’t wait to divorce?

But I also worry that this could be important, to do with the case. Even if I just sent it to voicemail, I owe it to them to pick up.

“Hello?” I ask, still walking through the apartment to get my things before I head into the bathroom.

“Esme, it’s Melinda. Please don’t hang up.”

I nearly drop everything in my hands, including the phone. What the fuck is my cousin calling me for?