Chapter 65

I fall to a thunk on the ground, my hip and butt taking the brunt from falling out of my bed. My eyes are still mostly closed, but I know what’s going on.

The nightmares are here once again. I know the cold sweat and the feeling of being clammy. And it seems like it’s all falling back to one thing.

Ryan’s set off the childhood fears to stir back up. There’s so much from those days that no one knows. Even Derek isn’t aware of everything.

And on top of that, I’ve never actually gone through any process to get better. I did what most people do and repress any emotion associated with this

“You’re an adult, Esme. This is sad.” My brain is ringing with these words.

“I’m pretty sure most people verbally and physically abused as a child doesn’t just get over it,” I remind myself.

But that isn’t enough.

I move my fingers to my necklace, playing with the jewelry as I continue to take large amounts of air into myself.

“Get a grip!” It’s like there’s another person in the room, because it doesn’t feel like my own heart feels this way.

Aggravated, I force myself to my feet.

If I’m just going to keep waking up to nightmares involving faces I never want to see again, then maybe work should be in front of me instead.

Knowing that my phone calls won’t be possible this late, I instead start studying the projections for my projects, learning more about people we’re planning on working with, and so much more.

In fact, I don’t even check the clock.

My mind wanders as I’m taking notes on one of the companies I’ve been researching. With radio silence from Ryan, the detectives, and even Melinda, I wonder if the lawsuit will even be worth fighting for.

Did he talk to his lawyers and confirm he’s trying to take my baby?

Is he going to fight me in court about how I’m an unfit parent? Or worse, that I’m the one who was cheating on him?

“Ryan isn’t one to back down from a challenge. And winning you back, and getting the baby he’s been wanting? What a set of win-win situations for him.”

Stupid, all of this is just stupid.

I guess the good news sits with the fact Derek and I had a real talk. And knowing that I pushed him away still hurts.

But he and I haven’t spoken since Friday. The only contact we’ve had is the text message he sent me for Bea’s party next weekend. It just had the details I’d need.

“Focus on what problems you can solve for now,” my brain presses. “Do work.”

It’s hard to do so. Because even though I try to get engulfed, my brain continues to move back to Ryan’s demonic smile, standing at my door, threatening me and our unborn baby.

I instantly stop what I’m doing, reaching for my phone. It’s three, but I know myself. I need to make this call now.

After the long rings, I get to Daniel’s voicemail. We haven’t talked much, but I also know Daniel’s doing everything he can for my case.

“Hey, Daniel, it’s Esme,” I start. “I know it’s super late, I didn’t expect you to pick up, though. Listen, this shit with Ryan’s got me twisted right now. I’m scared he’s going to pull some bullshit move and get around the restraining order. I’ve known him for a long time, so I don’t put it past him in anyway.”

I get up, walking back and forth with my palm pushing into my forehead.

“Can you look into this? I still haven’t heard from the cops on the restraining order stuff in a few days. I guess I’m just growing more worried, but also, I don’t know what he’s planning. Or anyone at this point.”

I take another turn, my hand that was pressing into my skull moving up to push some blonde away from my face.

“Just, call me back, okay? It’s been a stressful time here, so I’m just trying to keep all my ducks in a row and stay vigilant. I don’t need Ryan making my life any more difficult than possible. Anyway, that’s it. And again, this is Esme. Thanks.”

I let my phone fall back to my side in my hand.

Sighing, I plop back on the couch, rubbing my palms into my eyes. Seems like all I do these days is stress more and more.

This can’t be good for the baby.

Next thing I know, I hear ringing in my head. My eyes are super weak, and it’s difficult to crack them open.

Well then. I guess I was able sleep after all. It’s bright in the room, and I can tell it’s late morning already. My tired eyes look around, finding my phone beside me.

Three missed calls from Daniel, and it’s almost eleven.

I stretch out, my body sore from falling asleep sitting up on the couch. I can’t recall the last time I passed out without so much as a struggle with sleep. First time for everything.

Stifling a yawn, I redial Daniel without bothering to see what he’s said.

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty has awoken,” Daniel laughs as he answers the phone.

“Must have fallen asleep right after I called you,” I groan. “Sorry for the three in the morning call. I was just—”

“Trying to keep it all together?” He answers for me.

“Exactly.”

“I get it. I’ve already contacted my bosses about everything. I know there’s a detective looking into everything with Ryan and the restraining order.”

“We can take Melinda off that, by the way.”

I imagine Daniel’s eyes growing wide with these words.

“She lost her baby in a miscarriage. And Ryan, classy as ever, dumped her and abandoned her.”

“Jesus.” Daniel sounds as shocked as I was. “That’s fucking rough.”

“We’ve spoken, but she’s no one I have to worry about anymore. It’s nice that something good has come up. Though, I’m not too thrilled about Melinda’s actions, I still wouldn’t wish something this terrible on anyone.”

“I’ll add this to my report, make sure to get her taken off so nothing else goes awry.”

“But in the meantime, I don’t think Ryan’s getting his papers, and on top of that? He’s trying to scare me, wants me to take him back.”

“He wants you back? After everything he did? Why?”

I close my eyes, knowing I can’t hide it for much longer. Daniel needs to know in order for this case to continue. And since Ryan already knows, then there’s no need to do this.

I take in a deep breath. “If I don’t, he keeps threatening to take my baby.”

“Your what?”

Yeah, taking it about how I expected he would.

“You’re pregnant?”

“A bit more than two months, yeah.”

“And Ryan’s the father?”

“That would be why he’s trying to get custody of the baby, yes. I didn’t know until I was almost six weeks.”

A low whistle. “Damn, Esme, you’re really full of surprises.”

“And not the fun kind.”

“So you want this baby?”

“Daniel, I’ve wanted a baby for over half a decade. Every time we tried, nothing. And Ryan slept with my cousin and got her pregnant. So now he thinks he can do the same to me.”

Daniel lets out a low growl, surprising me. “Sad, pathetic lowlife.”

I don’t answer, not wanting to encourage him. It’s still a constant reminder that I can see Daniel falling in love with me. Which I’m not interested in.

But he’s at least been respectful.

“Look, Esme, what’s most important right now is your safety. I guess you didn’t want to tell me because you were worried, I’d judge you or whatever? But as your lawyer, I want to do what’s best for you and the child and win this case.”

I nod, though he can’t see. At least he’s not trying to guilt trip me. I guess when it comes to certain guys and situations, I’m just sitting here judging them all like everyone has the same reactions.

“Let me talk to my bosses, get some updates and get back to you. In the meantime, don’t open the door if Ryan comes around. Stay put, protect yourself. Call a friend or someone you trust.”

Immediately, Derek’s face pops into my mind.

“I’m going to call you back later. We’ll set up a plan.”

“Okay. And Daniel? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“As long as you don’t lie to me or any judge or other lawyers, you should be okay. Let me take care of this and we’ll move forward.”

Daniel hangs up, and I know he’s upset. The man’s been falling in love with me even though I’ve tried to tell him nothing will happen. But I guess it’s better he hears it from me.

Otherwise, things might be an ugly, bloody war.