Chapter 100

At the next Nanny lesson, Steven approaches me right as it’s set to begin and tells me, “Neil won’t be here today.”

“Did he give a reason why?” I ask.

Steven shrugs.

Guess not.

Neil made clear that when he gave me oral, that would be the last time we would be intimate together. I didn’t realize at the time that this also meant he would be totally ignoring me afterwards for the rest of my life.

He’s been avoiding me in the hallways, turning a different way if he saw me. I have not seen him at all in the kitchens, or on campus.

I suppose he knows my schedule, so he could plan his every move without ever running into me. That thought feels a bit paranoid, though.

Steven returns to his chair.

For a while, I am able to push the thoughts of Neil to the back of my mind and focus on the lesson. The brothers already know how to change the baby, but practice makes perfect. So I watch over their shoulders as they apply and remove diapers to plastic baby dolls.

Mia, in my arms, claps and cheers playfully, no matter how good or bad they do.

By the end of the hour, the brothers at least feel more confident about changing diapers than before, which feels like a victory.

Archer holds Mia, while I clean up the dolls and ruined diapers.

“It’s for the best, you know,” Archer says. “Neil staying away from you. You should stay away from him too.”

I sigh. “I wouldn’t worry about Neil and me anymore. It’s clear that ship has sailed.”

“Good,” Archer says.

“Well, at least he gave you a good fuck before the end,” Beau says crassly. His chin in his hand, he didn’t seem particularly bothered either way.

My face burns hot in embarrassment. “He didn’t… I mean… It wasn’t…”

Beau suddenly straightens. “He… didn’t?”

Archer seems suddenly interested as well. “You didn’t fuck?”

As my face grew redder and redder, I motion toward Mia. “Language, please!”

“But wouldn’t that mean…” Steven taps a finger to his chin. “Chloe. Are you a virgin?”

“T-That’s no one’s business!”

“She is!” Beau says, pointing. A bright smile split his face. “Our Nanny is a delicate flower yet to be plucked.”

My skin crawls at that analogy. “Don’t say gross shit like that.”

“Language,” Asher reminds. His voice is lower. He’s quieter now than before. It’s strange, but I don’t have time to think about it.

Beau looks at me like he wants to take me apart. Even Steven is staring at me like I’m some science experiment. Asher isn’t looking at me at all.

I clear my throat. “I mean, I’ve done stuff.” With Archer and Neil. “But technically, I mean… I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“Go on,” Beau says.

I sigh. I might as well admit defeat. “Yes, I am a virgin.”

Beau leans back in his chair. He looks for all the world like the cat that just caught the canary.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Steven sees himself out.

Archer still isn’t looking at me.

“I applaud Neil’s restraint,” Beau says. “All that punishment, and he didn’t even get his dick wet.”

When I don’t burst into flames from embarrassment, I go to Archer to take Mia. As I walk to the door, ready to get the hell out of here, Beau calls after me.

“If I knew you were a virgin, I would have suggested Chapter 14!”

I rush from the room. Unlike last time, where I couldn’t resist reading Beau’s suggestion, this time I would rather die.

Instead, I focus on my nanny duties, tending to Mia and playing with her.

Eventually she yawns and it’s naptime. After lowering her into her crib, I leave her room to return to my own. But I will not read chapter 14. Instead, I start to exercising, practicing my punches and kicks.

Sex isn’t the only way to blow off steam, and I have plenty of steam to blow off.

Yet as I’m working my body, my mind wanders back to Neil’s bathroom, with him on his knees, my thighs hooked over his shoulders. The way he moved his tongue… Gods, I will never forget it. I wish I could feel it again.

No. Neil made clear that was a one and only time. He’s back under his father’s thumb now, avoiding me at every turn. Whatever intimacy we shared, we wouldn’t be sharing again.

No matter how much I enjoyed it.

Or how much he enjoyed it either.

My brain was fuzzy at the time, but in hindsight, I know that skin slapping skin sound I heard had been Neil beating himself off while he ate me out.

My punches and kicks suddenly become much more exertive. I want to sweat and tire my body out so much that I can’t remember that mind-blowing orgasm, or how I’ll never have one like that again. At least, not my Neil’s hands.

I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me.

I don’t need Neil. I don’t need anyone.

A knock sounds on my door, startling me so much that I nearly jump out of my skin.

The worst part about the sexual awakening and simultaneous repression is the frustration. So I’m probably a bit more pissed off than I should be when I storm toward the door and throw the door open.

“What do you… want…?” My voice trails when I see Neil behind the door.

Neil’s face is entirely expressionless. He stares at me through blank eyes. “May I come in?”

Nodding, I step back and let Neil inside.

I try not to think about what happened the last time he’d been in my room. When he pinned me to the bed and we recreated chapter six of the BDSM book currently hiding in my underwear drawer.

Yet, trying not to think about that makes me think about it on a loop.

I lower my chin to my chest, hoping to hide my blush.

“My brothers and I are hosting a dinner event this week. It requires formal attire. You will need to be there, as Mia’s nanny and as a member of the Hayes Council.”

“Okay.”

“The dresses for you both will be delivered tomorrow.”

“Okay…”

“You will need to keep your schedule clear.”

“I understand.”

Daring, I lift my eyes to glance at him. He’s half turned away from me, making it clear he was avoiding looking at me too. Yet at the same instant I glance at him, he glances at me too.

Our eyes connect and for the length of a heartbeat, I can see in him the man who pinned me to the bed and pressed his tongue in my mouth. The man who liked to press his hand to the base of my throat so I would never forget who I belonged to.

His gaze dips there now.

My breathing is heavy from my exercise. I want to blame that for my rapid heartbeat too, but I know the truth.

Neil’s closeness is doing this to me.

He licks his lips and my panties get damp.

Yet, in the next instant, like a switch flips, his emotions vanish behind the blank façade again. The man I enjoy is gone once more.

“I expect you won’t embarrass me,” he says. He doesn’t wait for a response before turning toward the door.

I want to call him an asshole, but I don’t know if that’s true. After all, I’ve seen the bruises, marks of his punishment for daring to care about someone like me.

Could I really blame him for not wanting to stay in the same room as me?