Chapter 102

“You don’t have to say it like that,” Neil says.

“Like hell, I don’t. He’s asking you to throw your life away!” Beau insists.

I’m standing just outside the kitchen door, by feet rooted in place. I know I shouldn’t eavesdrop. I should back away, give them privacy. This conversation isn’t meant for me.

But I just can’t get my legs to work.

“Getting married isn’t throwing my life away,” Neil says, though with how flat his voice is, he doesn’t sound all that convincing. “Dad has ordered that I propose to Angela at our dinner event, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

Ordered? Gods. Just when I thought my hatred of his father could not get worse.

“Ever the fucking martyr,” Beau says. “Maybe you should say no to Dad this time. It might be good for you.”

Thinking back on his bruised body, I wonder now if Neil’s punishment had less to do with his dalliance with me, and everything to do with him trying to stand up for himself. If Neil showed even the slightest resistance, his father would likely fly off the handle.

“We both know that’s not true,” Neil says, confirming my worst suspicions.

This conversation is too much for me. I don’t want to hear anymore. So I start to back away, only to collide with a rock hard body behind me. I glance over my shoulder and up into Archer’s grim face.

I think to apologize and duck around him, but his hands clamp onto my upper arms and keep me firmly in place. Does he want me to hear this conversation? Doesn’t that seem too cruel, knowing how intimate Neil and I have been?

Although Archer has never been known for his kindnesses. He’s got mass and muscle more than me. If he wants me to stay, there isn’t a hell of a lot that I can do about it.

Unfortunately, that means that I have to listen to every excruciating detail of their conversation, no matter how deeply it cut me.

“This is the Nanny’s fault,” Beau says, an edge in his voice. “You should have known better than to fuck around with her.”

When Neil doesn’t say anything, Beau presses. “Fine. Don’t admit it, but I know I’m right. Let me guess it all. Tell me if I’m wrong. Dad heard about your fling with our little nanny, and believing you are going astray, demanded you get your life back on track.”

Neil remains quiet.

“You stupid son of a bitch,” Beau says. “Now you have to get married.”

“I have no excuses,” Neil says. “Only consequences.”

“Who do you think told him?” Beau continues, like Neil didn’t say anything. “You and Chloe weren’t exactly subtle in your hookups. I suppose it could have been anyone.”

“I don’t know,” Neil admits. “But it doesn’t matter now. I am done with Chloe.”

I am done with Chloe.

The words pang within my ribcage, bounding around, slicing my heart with each pass. I’m not surprised. He told me himself that we couldn’t happen again, and I understand it.

Still, to hear him say the words so calmly, so definitively, to someone else makes it even more real somehow.

How easily I could forget how little I mean to the brothers. They flirt when they want, and cast me aside when it gets to be too much.

Neil isn’t the only culprit. The man at my back, Archer, is worse still. Neil at least has reason to move on. Archer simply dropped me.

And still, my treacherous body is drawn to them both. My heart aches for Neil, while my skin tingles under where Archer is so strongly holding my arms. I remember how easily Archer could manhandle me, moving my body where he wanted.

I shake the thoughts away. Time and place, body, and this is neither.

I’ve heard more than enough now. There isn’t much more that could be said that would hurt me worse.

“Let me go,” I whisper. “Please.”

Archer curls his fingers around my arms, tightening his hold for only one half-second. Then he drops his hold.

I don’t want to be there anymore, not with any of them. So I scurry away without looking back.

I’m not so hungry anymore.

I collect Mia from Steven and bring her back to her room. I spread some blocks over her play area, then sit down to join her in stacking them.

“I don’t know why I care,” I tell Mia, who babbles happily at the attention. “None of them have ever made any indication that they want me more than some kind of passing fling.”

Venting my troubles to a baby is probably not one of my finer moments. If anyone asks, I’ll deny it up and down. But truthfully, Mia is a good listener. She doesn’t judge me, and she can’t go around telling my secrets. Win win, actually.

“And it’s not like I want to marry any of them anyway. So I shouldn’t be jealous. Plus, I’m going to be gone in a month, so why bother to care?”

Despite myself, I still imagine what it might be like to be the one marrying Neil. To be his mate, or Archer’s. Or any of the brothers, really.

They are all so capable and strong. They would be good providers for any children that came along. With the way they try so hard with Mia, they would be good fathers too. And if Archer and Neil are any indication, I would forever be satisfied in the bedroom.

Truthfully, if they could let go of some of their more asshole tendencies, and get out from the shadow of their father, they would be the kind of mates girls would kill to have. Even the kind of mates that I might want.

Ug!

I cover my face with my hands. What am I thinking?

Neil is going to marry Angela. Archer will continue giving me the cold shoulder. Beau won’t even learn my name. And Steven is too caught up in his research to even recognize me as a woman.

Going after any of these brothers is an exercise in futility.

I need to get my head on straight. I need to stop worrying about any of this, and focus on what really matters: Mia, and my studies.

Everything else – my love life especially – is secondary.

Later that night, after I tuck in Mia, I return with the baby monitor to my bedroom. I set the monitor on my dresser as I go through my drawers, searching for my pajamas. When I open my pajama drawer, I catch sight of the book hidden within.

I try to ignore it, but Beau’s voice comes into my mind. He’d made a new recommendation.

I am loathe to admit it, but the last suggestion he made proved to be very… tantalizing.

No, I shouldn’t look. I won’t be tempted.

I change into my pajamas and take my dirty clothes to the hamper near the bathroom. I walk almost all the way to my bed, before I turn around and go back to the drawer.

I really need to work on my self-control.

Book in hand, I flip to the suggested page. When I see the name of the chapter, I nearly drop the book.

The Wild Alpha Decimates His Luna Mate’s Virginity.

My face burned.