Chapter 146
I climb the water tower as fast as I physically can with Beau on my heels. I climb for longer than I would have thought. This water tower is actually very tall. By the time we reach the top, I feel a little dizzy. I cling to the bars for a moment, almost afraid to look out.
But I wasn’t lying to Beau. I’m not afraid of anything, not even this height. So soon, I glance out over the view. It takes my breath away. The city is close. We can’t see the stars. But the car lights twinkle as stars would. The trees in the park rustle in the wind.
Beau sits down on the grate that wraps around the tower. He dangles his legs over the ledge and hooks his arms over the lower bar of the handrail. I mirror his position, coming to sit beside him.
For a long moment, we simply stare out at the view, sitting in companionable silence.
But I have questions burning in my brain. Ones I can’t so easily let go.
“Beau,” I begin, so he knows I’m listening.
“Hm?”
“Why did you take me there tonight? To see the fights, I mean.”
Beau doesn’t answer right away. Maybe he needs some time to think about it. Or maybe he’s waiting for me to say more. I consider my words and feelings more closely.
“You were so adamant before about me not being a warrior…”
“You can’t be a warrior,” Beau says, much quicker this time. “And even if you could, you shouldn’t be one. You are so weak without a wolf, you’d get killed immediately.”
“I’m not that weak,” I snap, but he doesn’t bother to acknowledge me.
“If you want to train and fight, there are other avenues,” he says.
“I’m going to be a warrior,” I say, more firmly than before.
“No, you aren’t.”
“Beau!”
“Why do you have to want everything, Nanny? You said you were grateful for what I showed you tonight, but you don’t act like it.”
He’s right, and that has me bite my tongue. I still think he’s the worst kind of jerk. He’s totally wrong about me being a warrior. It’s my dream and I will see it happen, whether he approves or not.
But… he did show me that fight tonight as a means of compromise, and maybe it is too hostile of me to throw it back in his face like I am.
“I am grateful,” I say.
He hums again. “I’ve noticed you’ve been down lately, and I’d maybe hoped this would cheer you up.”
Once more, surprise shoots through me. Beau noticed I was down? That doesn’t seem possible. I never imagined Beau as someone who would notice anyone’s feelings but his own. Maybe I’ve been misjudging him… at least a little.
For someone who is supposedly so self-centered, this was a decent act by him.
“Was I wrong?” he asks, glancing at me sideways. He lifts a brow.
I shake my head. “No.” Softer, I say, “Thank you.”
He returns his gaze to the view. It takes me a few beats longer to join him. I can’t quite stop looking at the planes of his face, illuminated by the city lights.
I feel a little closer to him, all of the sudden, like I am seeing a side of him I never thought possible. It makes something warm burn in my chest.
It makes me bold and brave. “Beau?” Again, I check to make sure he is still listening.
“Hm?” he responds.
“Why are you such a playboy? You could settle down if you wanted to. There’s a fair number of girls who I’m sure would want to be with you more permanently.”
“I’m sure there are, too. I get plenty of offers.”
“Then why don’t you ever take anyone up on them?” I ask.
He shrugs, non-committal. “I like my freedom. What many of these women want with their long-term relationship desires is power, not romance. And they think that by claiming my heart as their own, they could have whatever it is they truly wanted: money, fame… who know?”
I could acknowledge that some of the girls were likely jerks with haughtier desires, but… “Surely not every girl is that way? Some of them must be genuine.” It’s simple statistics at play. With all the girls Beau has run through, at least one of them must have been decent.
Beau shakes his head. “Even if all they want is my heart, it is still too much. I would never give one woman so much power over me. I can promise you, Nanny, that no girl will ever have enough control over me to be able to break my heart.”
Something struck through my own heart. It’s sharp and uncomfortable.
“That’s kind of sad,” I say. “If you don’t open yourself up enough to be hurt, how will you ever find love?”
“I don’t believe in love, only life’s stolen pleasures.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I say. “Love is everywhere. It’s all around us.”
“Your so-called love has turned men into whimpering fools. Shells of their former selves. I will never allow that to happen to me.”
I am the one rolling my eyes now. “Love doesn’t have to do that. It can make people stronger, too.”
“Please.” He gives me a flat look, full of disbelief. “People who say they want love are fools. All they really want is sex.”
“Uh, that’s not true.”
“So you are a fool then.” He’s so dismissive, it rankles my nerves.
“No. Love doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s more of a feeling.” I don’t know why I care so much about proving him wrong on this, but I do. It feels vitally important somehow.
He’s right. I am a fool, if I truly believe I can convince playboy Beau to believe in love. But Gods help me, I can’t stop myself from trying.
“A kiss, for instance, can be shared and felt, an image of devotion and love. It doesn’t always have to lead to sex.”
“A kiss?” he scoffs. “Women who kiss me can never get enough. It never stops at just one.” He flashes me a grin, his eyes full of mischief. “Should I show you?”
“Maybe I should show you that a kiss doesn’t always have to be sexual,” I snap.
“Why don’t you then?” I hate the challenge in his voice, while simultaneously secretly liking it. I can’t back down from a challenge like that.
“Fine,” I say. I reach out, grab him by the collar, and pull him down, closer to me.
Softly, I press my lips onto his, but I’m not here for some chaste butterfly kiss. A kiss of love sometimes lingers. It’s a thing all of its own to be tasted and enjoyed.
At least, that’s the way it’s seemed in the movies.
So I linger too. I tilt my head to make the kiss easier, and then gently trace my tongue over his bottom lip.
He gasps at the light caress, and I lick into the small space between his lips. I don’t probe deeply. I’m not here to push the limits. I’m here to take it slow. To show him all a kiss could be.
How powerful a kiss could be all on its own.
When I finally pull back, his eyes stay closed for a moment longer. When he slowly opens them, he seems a bit dazed.
Have I shown him? Will he agree with me now?
I lose hope when a grin forms on his lips. “Now it’s my turn.”
