Chapter 152

“Mia is the result of an affair that my father had,” Neil says. He frowns openly at the pile of letters on his desk. The disgust in his voice is obvious. “My father cast her aside like she meant nothing. My brothers and I took her in to shield her from him.”

“And the mother?” I ask.

He shrugs, then sighs again, deeply. “She disappeared. Maybe out of fear from my father, maybe something else. I don’t know. We offered her a place here. She left the baby and ran. Father never gave her much thought. I’m not sure he believes Mia is his. Maybe he doesn’t care either way.”

I wouldn’t doubt the connection. Mia does look a lot like a Hayes. I imagine the likeness will only grow more apparent as she gets older.

“My brothers and I weren’t sure to do with Mia at first. We aren’t exactly… paternal. But she is one of us, a Hayes, whether my father disowns her or not. And admittedly, we bonded to her over the past few months.”

I could see that in each of their interactions with her, as well as their protectiveness of her. They cared about her as they would a dear little sister. It’s so obvious now, looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t surmise this before.

Still, this house is no place to raise a child. “You all live such wild lives,” I say. “It’s not exactly a stable environment…”

“That’s why we were searching for a nanny.”

“And you found me.”

“Mia found you,” Neil says. “We’ve known for a while that Mia is lonely. We’ve each been searching for her mother in our free time. Wherever she’s gone, she’s covered her tracks well.”

I’m not terribly impressed with a woman who would abandon her child, though I suppose I needed to keep a more open mind. With Alpha King Hayes chasing her off, who knew what hardships she was facing? What challenges and fears?

With the Hayes patriarch, those fears were likely terrors. Look what he did to his own oldest son. Who knew what atrocities he would commit against a woman who presented him with a bastard child? And if she was his mistress, she likely knew exactly what he was capable of.

“Your presence has eased some of Mia’s loneliness,” Neil says, pulling me back from my thoughts. “You can see now, I hope, why I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep you here.”

I do see. He would do anything to help his baby sister.

The words shouldn’t bother me. It’s honorable that Neil cares so much about his family. But I can’t help but feel the tiniest bit of hurt too. I had been secretly hoping that he wanted to keep me around for me, too.

After all this time, and all of our moments together, I thought the boys might be beginning to like me. Maybe I’m a big fool for thinking that. They’ve never made secret the class difference between us. After all, I’m just an employee, no matter how many times I’ve had one of their tongues in my mouth.

Suddenly, Neil reaches up and cups my cheek with his palm. He traces his thumb over my cheekbone. I lean into his hand. His skin isn’t as warm as I remember. His fingertips are cool.

“Of course, keeping Mia happy isn’t the only reason I want you here,” he says, and he sounds almost distant, like he’s somewhere else, talking to himself. He blinks and he’s closer, looking at me. “I’m drawn to you, Chloe.”

Me, too. I can’t explain my closeness to the brothers. It feels more than friendship and deeper than lust. But I don’t know how to voice those feelings. I’m no coward, but it all feels too raw and too much to give voice to just yet.

“When you are around,” Neil says, “I feel more… me. I can’t explain more than that.”

“Neil,” I say in a whisper, nearly overwhelmed.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” he says.

I know just what he means.

He lowers his hand a bit, so that his fingertips are near my ear and his thumb is gliding over my lower lip. Not that long ago, I had kissed Beau on the water tower. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he can smell Beau on me, even though I showered.

Neil had been so possessive, when we’d been intimate before. He even came on me once so that I would smell of him, as mates would do, so that no one else would attempt to claim them.

There isn’t much possessiveness in his gaze now. Just a resigned sort of sadness that breaks my heart a little to see. But I don’t think it’s related to Beau. I think this is more about himself.

Neil is trapped in many situations that kept us apart even if we were in the same class to have a chance to be together. We face so many obstacles. I could maybe try climbing them – and I might for him. But I can’t do it alone.

“I shouldn’t want you like I do,” he whispers. “I should let my brothers have you without feeling a single thing.”

“Neil, I…”

“I don’t need explanations, Chloe.”

I swallow thickly as his gaze drops down to my lips.

“Then what do you need?” I ask.

“This,” he says and moves in.

I tilt my head, ready and eager to accept him. His lips press against mine.

I bring my hands up his chest and rest both over his heart. It’s beating steady, despite the silver coursing through his veins.

Neil’s arms wrap around me, pulling me closer, closer, until I’m practically sitting on his lap. His lips coax mine open and he slips his tongue inside.

He’s not as dominant as usual. He feels gentle somehow. Each swipe of tongue feels like it’s been asked for, like he’s giving me long moments to pull away. Instead, I press myself closer, and I chase his tongue with my own.

Inside my head is a tangled sort of web. How can I feel so strongly about each of the brothers? They are all special to me. And in every moment I spent with Archer, Neil, and Beau, I have desired them equally, with the fullness of my being.

I’ve never wanted anyone before I met them, and now I want them all.

I feel selfish, somehow. I also know I’m setting myself up for hurt. As much as I want them, I can never have them.

Not more than this.

And when these few last weeks are through, not even this.

I am desperate to enjoy it while I still can, so I grip Neil’s shirt and tug. He smiles against my lips.

“Glad to know the feeling is mutual,” he says. His smile doesn’t last.

“It is,” I say like a promise. I’d kiss Neil forever if I could. I hold him and treat him kindly.

But we can’t have that.

Neil tilts his head and kisses me again.

We kiss and kiss. It never develops into more.

I can’t help thinking of my words to Beau on top of that watch tower.

A kiss doesn’t always need to lead to more.

Sometimes it can just be an expression of affection.

Of love.