Chapter 210

That night Steven, Mia, and I make our way to the planetarium. I push Mia in her stroller while Steven walks along beside us. He’s close to me. His arm occasionally brushes against mine as we walk.

The planetarium is decorated in bright, colorful shapes and big block letters cut out of construction paper. Hands-on exhibits are placed throughout the entrance. Children giggle as they run around and play, their parents looking on with bemused expressions.

A few others have babies. They hold them up to the exhibits like the babies can understand what they see. It’s adorable and I can’t wait to do the same with Mia.

We park the stroller, and soon, I’m carrying Mia through the exhibits. Steven stops at every single one. He explains everything with careful consideration, looking at both Mia and me as if we can both easily follow along with his explanations.

I’m confused. I can only guess at how Mia feels, though she giggles and coos at the end of each of Steven’s lectures. Steven smiles, pleased with himself, and it’s honest-to-Gods doing flip-floppy things to my heart.

Eventually, most of the crowd enters the planetarium itself for the show, but Steven and I doubt Mia’s ability to stay quiet and attentive for a full hour. We wait out among the exhibits instead.

When Mia starts to yawn, I return her to her stroller and then pull the stroller up alongside a bench so Steven and I can sit and rest for a while.

Before I can sit, Steven places his hand on my shoulder. I turn to glance at him and our eyes lock. Whatever he was about to say feels like it’s lost. Everything else feels lost too.

We just stare at each other as everything falls away but the two of us.

Steven doesn’t get the credit, but he’s just as handsome as his brothers. Striking eyes. A symmetrical face. A kind smile on plump, kissable lips. His glasses do nothing to take away from his beauty. Instead, they enhance his eyes, making them seem slightly bigger, boyish. He’s youthful and charming, and I could look at him all day.

Steven and I never crossed the boundaries between friendship and something else. That feels like such a waste now. In three days, I’ll be gone from his life forever. I would have liked to know what it feels like to kiss him.

Not to take anything away from our friendship. Steven’s mere presence is a comfort in my life that I will fiercely miss.

Something shifts in the air, it becomes charged. Steven glances down at my lips. I lick them.

Maybe a kiss isn’t so far out of the realm of possibility after all…

But then Steven, blushing deeply, looks away, and the moment’s over.

“Do you want a water or anything? The vending machines are over there,” he says. He dips his head to a set of vending machines near the bathroom entrances.

“A water would be great,” I say. My throat is suddenly feeling very dry.

Steven leaves me then, and I fall down into my chair. Mia isn’t quite asleep yet. She’s staring up at me with curious eyes.

“It’s not my fault he’s so handsome,” I tell her in my defense, just in case she can hear my inner thoughts, my inner shame. I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing Steven here, now. If he wanted more than friendship from me, he would have made his move long ago.

Besides, in three days, none of this will matter anyway.

My heart plunges down into my stomach at the thought. Archer said I needed to get out. Beau said seeing each other would be a bad idea. Would Steven fall in line with his brothers, if I ask to spend time with him beyond these three days?

I’m afraid to ask, terrified of what the answer might be.

I must be some kind of masochist, wanting rejections from all four of the brothers, one after the next.

When Mia’s eyes begin to droop, I look back to Steven. He’s holding his credit card up to the vending machine. He already has two waters and three candy bars in his arms. On his way back to us, he’s also holding a bag of pretzels and a bag of chips.

“We should have had dinner before we came here,” he says as he sits beside me on the bench. He passes me a water, two of the candy bars, and a bag of chips. He opens the bag of pretzels and eats it half of it at once.

I laugh. “You hungry?”

“Famished.” He washes it down with water. Then he shakes his head. “Also, mortified. I’m a sad host, to bring you out and not properly feed you.”

“I’m okay,” I say. “Mia’s fed and I had a late lunch.” I anticipated there wouldn’t be much food at a planetarium.

He nods, though still seems dissatisfied, staring down at his now-empty pretzel bag.

A moment of quiet passes, where we sit and enjoy the presence of one another. Then, he says, “I’m going to miss this.”

My heart cracks in half. So this is a goodbye date, as I expected. One last moment of fun before we split ways forever.

“Me, too,” I admit, hoping to keep the heartbreak from my voice.

I could ask him about the future. I already know what the answer is going to be, but if I took the chance with Beau, doesn’t Steven deserve the same curtesy?

With dread coiling around my heart, I open my mouth and ask, “Steven. After I leave, do you think… well…” His shyness seems to bring it out of me as well. “Would it be possible for us to keep hanging out sometimes?”

Steven sits very still. The dread spreads all over me, out into every limb. I know what he’s going to say, but it still hurts when he says, “I’m sorry, Chloe.”

Knowing Steven might be the only one who would possibly give me an explanation, I ask him, “But why?”

“I wish I could tell you,” he says. “But I can’t. We just… can’t.” His face twists in his own unhappiness. It would be cruel to us both to keep pushing, so I don’t.

I simply eat my chips and my candy, while secretly wishing things could be different.

We stay for only a bit longer. Mia is fully zonked out, and Steven’s stomach is grumbling so loudly, he’s going to need more than pretzels and soon.

I want to stay longer, to push off the inevitable pain of leaving them, but even my limbs are starting to wear down with tiredness.

“Ready?” Steven asks me, and I can’t push it off anymore.

“Okay,” I say.

We make sure Mia is secure and then start heading for the door. Before we reach it, I get the sense someone is watching us. I look to the right and there, standing behind one of the exhibits is Carrie, blonde hair tied back in a ponytail.

She’s watching us, staring even after I caught her.

I don’t know how I know she wants to talk to me. Maybe it’s female intuition. Maybe it’s the way her eyes are on me instead of her daughter.

I’m not sure. But I can’t deny the pull. Nor my desire to talk to her too.

“One minute,” I tell Steven. “I’ll be right back.”

He doesn’t question me. He must see her too.

“We’ll be right here,” he says, meaning him and Mia. The words are a comfort as I press forward, unsure what a conversation with Carrie might bring.