Chapter 214

Neil, in the end, helps convince me to at least sleep on my decision. He doesn’t want me to walk out the door before the last moment I absolutely have to per our contract.

My body is still tingling pleasantly tingling from our lovemaking and warm and relaxed from our shower together.

I don’t put up much of an argument against getting some sleep.

I expect Neil to stay with me. Instead, he helps tuck me under the covers of my bed, kisses me gently, and wishes me, “Sweet dreams.” He turns off the light as he heads out the door.

I wish he would have stayed. The moment the door closes him, and I’m alone with my thoughts, my worries and doubts creep right back into my mind.

I close my eyes anyway and try with my best effort to push back the inner voices yelling at me to run away before I keep getting hurt.

It’s too late for that, inner voices. The pain is coming for me, whether I’m here or there.

I turn over and half-bury my face in the pillows. When that position doesn’t feel any more comfortable than the last, I flip over and face the other direction. It’s the same. I feel miserable no matter which way I flop back and forth.

Annoyed at myself, I sit up. It’s late, near one in the morning. But if I’m not sleeping, I might as well do something productive. Like check on Mia.

I’ve been worried about her since I stormed out earlier. Has she been able to calm down now, or is she still clinging to that picture of her mother? I need to go check. If I see her sleeping, maybe it will inspire my own sleep to come to me. I’ll sleep on the floor of her nursery if I have to, I just don’t want to be here anymore.

So I roll out of bed and make my way into the hallway. Halfway down, I hear the rumble of voices coming from the living room. Are the brothers still discussing things? I left them standing there hours ago.

I at least don’t hear Mia fussing, which likely means they put her to bed. That’s good. I should probably head straight to the nursery and not try to eavesdrop.

Eavesdropping has not worked out well for me in the past.

Yet as I take one step, I find myself stopping again, the minute their words reach my ears and I’m coherent enough to process them.

“We could keep it secret,” Beau says. “Visit the Nanny when we are certain no one is around to see it.”

“And how will you guarantee that?” That’s Neil’s voice. He sounds unhappy. “She’ll have eyes on her constantly, almost as much as we’ll be watched.”

“It’s not impossible.” Steven. “If we’re careful –”

“Listen to Neil,” comes Archer’s flat, unwavering voice. “She cannot stay here, and we cannot see her.”

“It’s for her own safety,” Neil says. “Don’t forget that. Every time you would sneak in to see her, it’s her life that would be at risk, not yours.”

That seems to quiet Beau and Steven, but it leaves me unfathomably confused. Is my safety so connected, not only to me being here or there, but also to my very acquaintanceship with the brothers? What does it matter if they talk to me or if they don’t? Who would care if they secretly came to see me?

Inside, my nervous heart whispers the obvious answer.

Alpha King Hayes.

He holds grudges. He hates me.

Carrie warned me that he never forgets.

“Are we sure we shouldn’t just keep her here?” Beau again. “If she’s near us, we can at least protect her.”

“We can’t keep her prisoner,” Neil says.

“If we explained what was happening,” Steven says.

“We’ve already discussed this,” Archer snaps. “When the war begins, the safest place for her will be far, far away from us. Why are we rehashing this?”

Wait. War?

“You know why,” Beau says, snapping back at Archer with a similar tone. “We made her cry.”

“She’ll cry again. Worse next time,” Archer says. “You need to harden yourself.”

“Neil,” Beau starts.

“He’s right, Beau,” Neil says, and I’m thrown for a loop all over again. Why are they going to make me cry again? Why worse? Just what is going on here? “We’re picking a fight with our father. It’s going to get ugly. She can’t be here.”

They are going to war with their father? That’s why they want me gone? Don’t they know that I would stay, and I would fight, and I would help them however I could? Or is that part of what they are afraid of.

Me being here. Me associating with them. I would be a liability that their father wouldn’t hesitate to exploit. They want me far away to protect me, but also themselves.

If they intend to fight their father, a war would be coming for them, and they intend to keep me as far from it as possible.

I suppose I should be grateful.

All I feel is confused.

I don’t want to hear anymore. My brain already hurts from the whirlwind of topsy turvy emotions I’ve been spinning through. Maybe it will be nice to get away, after all. Then I can at least have a moment’s peace.

Even if that does sound very lonely.

I sneak away quietly, careful to place my feet soundlessly as I slink away. Behind me the argument continues, though I already know Neil and Archer are going to win. All the brothers are stubborn, but those two together might as well be a brick, immovable wall. Nothing will change their minds once they are made up.

I stick to my original plan and make my way to Mia’s room. She’s resting in her crib, fussing slightly. She’s still not asleep, but she’s much calmer than before. I quietly walk to her bed and she immediately begins to babble.

“Well, hello,” I tell her and give her a smile. She returns it like she’s happy to see me.

I should probably leave her in her crib to rest until she finally falls asleep, but I’ve missed that smile since we left the planetarium. I can’t resist it now.

I scoop her up and into my arms. She grabs bunches of my sleepshirt and giggles.

Hearing her laugh restores years back to my life. I’m so much calmer, just from holding her.

I know she misses her mom. But that doesn’t mean she loves me any less. Holding her like this slides something back into place that had come undone earlier this evening.

I wasn’t jealous exactly. But it was easy to forget that I might still be wanted and needed by her, when she was so focused on missing her mom.

What a terrible nanny I turned out to be, putting my own selfish feelings in front of the child’s.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her now. “I know you like me.” I hop on my feet a little, while swaying back and forth. “I like you too.”

Slowly, I ease my hops until I’m only lightly swaying. Back and forth. Back and forth, I rock Mia in my arms until she falls asleep.

I’m blessed, knowing this child. Being liked by her.

And I love her in return.

Leaving her is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Especially knowing the brothers are worried about a war with their father. They don’t want me here for my safety, but they are keeping Mia instead?

Maybe I should speak to them, find out what I can.

I can still be an asset to them, I know it. Even if it’s only to help protect Mia.