Chapter 219

I force myself to keep taking long strides forward. I won’t break down here, in front of everyone.

Some of the crowd has even taken to following me. I know the spectacle I must make.

I don’t stop walking until I’m entering the building of my new dorm room. The crowd stops at the door, not following me inside. I can feel their eyes peering at me through the glass door however, as I wait for the elevator.

It’s the longest wait of my life.

When the elevator doors finally open, I slink inside. I keep my composure until the doors close again. Then, like a marionette with the strings cut, I slump against the interior wall of the elevator.

I don’t move again until the doors open once more on my floor. Then I push myself forward, the few steps it takes to get to my door, and, once the door is unlocked, into my new living room.

I leave my duffle bag and my book bag by the door, shuffle over to the couch, and face-plant flat on top of it.

I don’t cry, but I do allow a full body exhale that seems to seep everything straight out of my body. I feel no emotion. I am carefully numb.

That’s the way I can move forward. I won’t think. I won’t feel. I’ll just place one foot in front of the other until I can rebuild a life that doesn’t hurt to live in anymore.

I stay like that for a few hours. I don’t know how long.

Then, I push myself off the couch.

The giant living room is large enough to work out in, so I change from my day clothes into a pair of workout shorts and a tank top. When I’m dressed to sweat, I return to the living room, crank up some music on my cell phone, and push my body to the limits.

If I exhaust myself, maybe I’ll stop thinking about the Hayes brothers, and the cruel words they used to push me out the door rather than say goodbye.

Maybe I won’t feel Archers hand on my back, pushing me forward so that I stumbled on the stairs.

I won’t heart Beau’s mockery, or Steven’s dismissal.

I throw several punches into the air, swinging at nothing but my own self-loathing.

I never should have let myself get so deep.

I should be happy to be free of those assholes. For the past three months, they’d done little but put me down and make things difficult for me. Being without them now should be a relief!

It is! Sure, yeah that’s it!

No more worries. No more responsibilities. No more people putting me down.

With the brothers out of my life, I could concentrate on what’s truly important: finally fulfilling my dream of becoming a warrior.

I keep throwing punches, but now I add kicks into the mix. I want to exhaust my entire body, not just my arms.

Whatever will keep me from thinking about Neil, Archer, Beau, and Steven.

Then someone knocks on the door. It’s a loud knock, enough to be heard over my music. I jump. My heart flies up into my throat.

My first thought is that it’s one of the brothers.

My fake cool goes right out the window as I rush to the door. My heartbeat races out of control.

I unlock the door, through it open, and my hopes come crashing down.

It’s Debbie.

My face falls and I feel bad for it. It’s not that I’m unhappy to see her. She’s my friend.

But I had hoped for something else.

My foolish, foolish heart got away from me again.

“Hi, Debbie,” I say.

“Hey, Chloe. Are you okay?” She seems to genuinely care, which makes me feel like even a bigger asshole for being disappointed to see her.

“I’m managing,” I say. I stand back and let Debbie into my room.

Her eyes are wide as she takes in her surroundings. “This is a dorm room?”

“I know, right?” I lead her to the couch, where we could sit down. “I can’t believe a room like this was available. Although if Beau didn’t come to help me with the undergrad admin, I probably would have never gotten it. Did I tell you? They gave me such a hard time.”

I proceeded to tell Debbie the entire story. She held onto my words with bated breath.

At the end of it, she’s looking at me like she knows something I don’t.

“What?” I prompt.

“Come on, Chloe,” Debbie says. “Beau got you this room.”

“No… He helped but…”

Debbie gives me a flat look.

“Oh my Gods,” I say. Like puzzle pieces slotting together, all of my thoughts slide into place. “Beau got me this room.”

Was this part of their plan? To make sure I was well taken care of before they cruelly kicked me out?

Not for the first time, I wish they would have included me in their plans.

“I don’t know,” Debbie says. “Yeah they treated you like assholes today, but… Even that seemed like a set up?”

I wait for her to continue. Fortunately, I don’t have to wait long.

“You should have seen the crowd before you came outside. I swear they had pitchforks and torches hidden somewhere. They were ready for you to get out from the Hayes’s protection so they could tear you apart. The jealousy was super strong, has been since you got that gig in the Pyramid.”

People still cared about that? I started 3 months ago! That’s a long time to hold onto a grudge!

“Everyone was set to at the very least heckle you, I’m sure of it. But then when you came out, and the Hayes brothers were being such jerks to you, I think everyone changed their tune. The whole mood shifted. You were so thoroughly rejected that I think people just felt sorry for you.”

Great. I felt pretty sorry for me too.

While I don’t want to be pitied, I guess that’s better than being hated. I was having a bad enough time, I guess I’m glad I wasn’t heckled on top of it.

So the brothers did save me after all. They were cruel to be kind, just like Angela suspected.

Gods, I wish they were actually jerks to me, so I could keep on hating them.

Instead, I just missed them.

Now, I have to find some way on from them.

Debbie immediately spots the shift in my mood. She gives a sad sort of smile.

“Well, at least you got to live there at all,” Debbie says. “You got to see a side of the brothers that no one else has gotten to see, even if it was only for a little while. It was good while it lasted, right?”

I think back to all the months I spent at the Pyramid. At first, it started rocky. I guess it ended rocky too. But there were moments in between where I had friendships and romantic encounters and moments that made me feel like I belonged.

It was short lived. It was never meant to be. But yeah…

“It was good,” I say. “I could even say great.”

While it lasted.