Chapter 229

After my spike of pleasure, I become goo-like, unable to move my limbs on my own. I’m in a blissful haze.

Neil stands. He cradles me to his chest and then carries me into the bedroom. I doze off in the safety and warmth of his embrace.

When I wake again, I am still in Neil’s arms, but we are both in the bed now, with the covers draped over us. Neil’s spooning my back, his arms secure around my waist.

Now that a few moments have passed and the pleasure has begun to ebb, my confusion takes hold.

I glance back at Neil over my shoulder, making certain that he is awake. His piercing eyes make contact with mine as soon as I can turn far enough to see them. He searches my face, expectant.

“What are you thinking?” he asks.

I have so many thoughts. What is he doing here? Why has he stayed?

But when I open my mouth, the question that comes out is, “Isn’t you being here putting us both in danger?”

“Do you wish me to go?” he asks.

“No!” I say quickly, and grab at his arm, keeping it firmly draped across my waist, unwilling him to move it.

“I didn’t think so,” Neil says. He nuzzles closer to me. “You seemed very… enthusiastic by my presence earlier.”

“Neil!” I’m not ashamed, but am a touch embarrassed by how voraciously I enjoyed myself.

Neil leans in and kisses me behind my ear. He shares none of my same feelings. I can tell from his light laughter. The laughter doesn’t last long however, before the mood between us shifts and turns serious again.

“We’ll have to be careful,” Neil says. “Though my brothers and I have already begun to take certain measures to help keep you safe.

The words shock me so much that I fully break our spooning now to turn over on the bed and look at him.

He must see the confusion in my eyes. He stares back at me with unshakeable confidence. “We’ve already been in this penthouse before. Several times. We’ve had cameras installed on your front door, in the elevator, and on every entrance and exit in the building. An AI alerts us if any of our father’s known associates come close.”

“On my door?” I ask. This feels like a massive breech of privacy. They shouldn’t have any right to the knowledge of who was coming in and out of my place.

Except, this wasn’t an act done out of jealousy or control, but a measure taken to keep me safe during an exceedingly unsafe period of my life.

I want to be mad. I probably should be mad.

But I’m just not. It’s kind of the opposite, actually. I’m relieved. The brothers could have kicked me out and abandoned me, but they haven’t. They continue to look out for me, to try to keep me safe even though they are no longer beholden to me in any way.

It’s almost like they give a shit.

“All the doors,” Neil confirms, and the feeling of his words is bigger than the words themselves. They are protecting me because they care about me, in their own way. Then he licks his lips and sighs slightly. I can feel in my heart he’s about to say something bigger.

So I wait for him to collect his thoughts. Then he speaks again.

“We meant to keep all this from you. We wanted to keep you in the dark about the danger you were in. We talked about never seeing you again in person, and only checking on you through the AI.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“I almost died,” Neil replies. His eyes are caverns of emotion. I can’t read everything but I see determination there, so close to regret. “That puts things in perspective.” He sighs. “I know it’s a risk coming here, and if you feel it’s too dangerous, then –”

“It’s not,” I say. The last thing I want is for Neil, or any of the brothers, to stop visiting me. I never wanted to be parted from them in the first place.

“Good,” Neil says. He searches my face with his eyes before his gaze falls onto my lips. Gods, he looks like he’s dying to kiss me again, and I’m dying to be kissed. “I’m done denying us both the things that we want.”

My heart soars. Thank the Gods.

I don’t want to deny myself either. I’ve been doing that from the start.

In fact, confidence floods through me now, and I know suddenly, without any hesitation, that the person I want to finally claim my virginity is Neil.

I’m tired of holding back. I’m tired of fighting my own desires.

Neil will treat me well. He’ll make sure I’m comfortable. He would never hurt me.

I almost lost him. That probably shouldn’t factor into my decision, but it still does. Life is so short, so fleeting. I could walk out tomorrow and get hit by a bus or something and none of this would have mattered.

But it’s not the fear of death that makes me want Neil to be my first. It’s the regret. It’s knowing that I would face my end having denied myself the feel of the men I find myself falling for more and more every day, despite my best effort not to.

Neil doesn’t want to deny us the things we want. Well, neither do I. Not anymore.

“Neil,” I say, and then take a moment to gather my courage. It doesn’t take long. My heart is surer about this than it has been about almost everything else lately.

Neil watches me and waits.

“I want you to be my first.”

Neil blinks at me, like it’s taking him a few long moments to process the words. He’s heard them. He’s computing. Then his eyes widen. There’s excitement there, but there’s also hesitation. Care.

This is exactly why I’m so certain he’s the one for this.

“You sure?” he asks me, and his consideration warms me from the inside out.

“I am,” I say. I want to share this moment with the man I almost lost. The man who was so near to giving up everything to keep me safe.

Inside of myself, I know that’s not the only reason. My feelings for the brothers have been growing larger all the time. It was subtle at first, and easy to ignore. But lately…

It’s all I can do just to keep my feelings under lock and key lest they escape and ruin me. I can imagine the disgust that would be clear in Archer’s face if he discovers I have actual feelings for him.

Or Beau, who only ever wanted to be friends with benefits. My budding feelings would ruin that friendship for sure.

Yet, regardless of my need to keep my feelings secret, they do still exist deep down. And I am damn tired of ignoring them.

I don’t want to deny my heart anymore of the things it wants.

And what it wants is the Hayes brothers.

Right now, it wants Neil.

So I look Neil straight in the eyes so that he can see my certainty, and I tell him, “Make love to me.”