Chapter 46

I barrel through his door in the exact same manner as how I did for Steven’s room. Archer is waiting for me, Mia playing in his lap. This time, I’m ready. I know that I’m going in for a fight.

“What the fuck?” I throw at him.

“Welcome back,” Archer drawls, bitterly. “Did you have time to think about your wrongdoings?”

“Wrongdoings?” I laugh, humorlessly. “I don’t see anything fucking wrong with what I did! I didn’t tell Coach White I wanted to be on the team. If anything, you should be mad at him instead of me!”

Archer cocks his head. “While I don’t disagree, Coach White doesn’t know about our agreement,” he says. “You do. You should’ve known that any time spent away from Mia was supposed to be for class and not the luxury of extra combat training you’ll never use.”

“Never use!” I squeak. “You don’t know that. You can’t even fathom it. You can’t picture a woman being anything other than someone for you to boss around!”

“The only women I boss around,” Archer says through bared teeth. “Are ones that work for me. That was our deal. Or do you want the Untouchables to all join Laura back in the Cave?”

I let out a frustrated scream. “Gods! You are awful!”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Archer mumbles under his breath. He takes Mia in his arms and bounces her. She looks at me like she knows I’m in pain and begins to wriggle in Archer’s arms.

“You know,” I say. “I really thought you were beginning to change. I thought you were finally deciding that I’m not the bad guy here. That we’re both doing what’s best for Mia. I thought we were getting along!”

“What are you talking about?” Archer snaps. “Is this because I gave you a dress? Gods, I knew Greendale standards were low but this is more than I could imagine—”

“No, I’m talking about the car,” I say sternly. “In the rain. At the gas station. You told me about your girlfriend. You opened up to me. I didn’t ask. I didn’t push. You did it on your own volition. I thought we were becoming friends.”

“Bold of you to assume,” Archer say, tone void of any emotions. He shakes his head. “It was a moment of weakness. I slipped up and let my guard down. It won’t happen again.”

“Are you kidding?” I say, hysterical. “Having emotions is being weak?” I snort. “You’re really such a man that you can’t even have emotions?! Everyone has emotions!”

“They do,” Archer says. “But weak men show them. Strong leaders stifle them and deal with them on their own later.”

“Are you insane?” I shout.

“We were never going to be friends,” Archer snaps. The anger is back inside him. “We were never going to be anything other than what we were. You don’t know me. You don’t understand me.”

My heart aches slightly. He’s so lost. Oh, so lost. I can’t help but wonder what made him this way. It has to be more than the ex. He’s so hard around the edges, sharp and jagged and leaning on malice like a crutch. I want to show him he’s wrong. Emotions are what fuels a strong leader, not stifles them.

“I could,” I whisper. “I could know you. If you let me.”

“You can’t!” Archer shouts. “So stop fucking trying to. You’ll only hurt yourself more than you already have.”

My brain aches at his words. The mention of me is odd. The whole conversation has been about him and now he’s considering my feelings? It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. All of the brothers have quickly reverted to the people they were when I met them.

Sure, they’ll always be classist. But they were beginning to see me as a person and not a thing for them to play with. Now were back to square one, a woman who’s only job in life is to raise the kids that they’re too busy for.

I look back up at Archer. I hope he can feel the disappointment in my stare. His eyes flicker with recognition for a half a second. They grow hard again instantly. He looks down at the floor, away from me.

“Go,” he says softly. “It’s almost time for Mia’s nap. She’ll be up all night if she doesn’t go down now.”

I bite into my lip to stop the tears from threatening to spill over my eyelashes. I throw the diaper bag over my shoulder. I pick Mia up. She starts grabbing for Archer and I completely ignore it. I don’t even give him an extra glance before I start towards the door and leave the room.

My heart is shattered as I walk down the hall. Steven’s door is closed again. That interaction makes me feel even worse. I suck in the sobs of frustration until I get back to the nursey. The door closes and they all come spilling out.

How did I get here?

How is it that I care about the opinions of people who are so awful to me?

Why am I sad about Archer’s rejection most of all?

The only shred of kindness he’s shown me was the moment in the rain. Other than that, he’s been absolutely awful to me. But, I still feel this aching, all-consuming feeling of sadness because of the rejection. It’s not that I wanted to be his friend it’s just that fact that someone saw me as a person.

I set Mia down on the floor as the tears silently stream down my face. I can tell she senses how upset I am. She presses her tiny palm to my cheek, right over a tear and frowns at me. I talk her hand in my own and kiss her palm.

“I’m okay,” I say gently to her. “Just frustrated.”

She says something entirely incoherent then waddles over to her playmat. She falls down onto it and begins fiddling with some of the blocks on it. I rub the back of my hand under my nose and sniffle slightly. I wipe down my face and watch Mia play with the blocks in silence.

I can’t keep on living like this. We were making strides and now we’re back to nothing. But Steven was no help and Beau won’t be anymore help. I get back up onto my feet and pick Mia up. I remove the blocks from her hands and tuck her into the crib.

She falls asleep in a matter of minutes. I walk to the bathroom and blot the tears from under my eyes. I go back into my room and fix myself before I shove the baby monitor in my back pocket. I march down the hall and stop myself right in front of Neil’s room.