Chapter 83

The drive back to the Pyramid feels longer – likely, because Neil is driving less like a possessed man and more like a guy who values his own life, as well as the lives of others in his car.

The storm has even eased up some. The rain is more like a drizzle now. There’s still lightning but it’s distant. The thunder is more rumbling that crackling fury.

Neil’s mad at me. I can feel the chill radiating off of him more than the air conditioning.

I’m not sorry for the things I said. Neil is way too controlling for his own good. And there’s always going to be instances where his planning is not going to be good enough for reality. Chaos is inherent to life. He can run from it, but there’s no escape.

If he doesn’t learn to relax, to release some of that tight anger within him, he’s going to have a heart-attack before he’s thirty.

Maybe if he found another outlet to practice his control, something more contained, he’d be able to handle situations better when they inevitably bend.

But where could someone flex control without actually hurting or annoying anyone else?

My heart starts to race. I think of Neil’s hand on my neck. His filthy promises. The ones I really want him to keep.

And I know what I want to suggest.

Maybe he could flex his control on me, personally, in the bedroom. Maybe that would help him relax.

But how the hell would I suggest such a thing? Would I ever have the gall?

And should I suggest it.

Yes, I want Neil, just like I want Asher. Both seem like they want me too. Neither seems willing to act on it.

The brothers, as far as I could tell, only want to tease me and toss me aside.

Neil’s hand, though, sitting at the base of my throat, with his thumb pressing against my pulse. He must have felt my heart speeding up. He should have been able to tell how much I wanted him in that moment.

And then he squeezed, ever so slightly. My life was in his hands in that moment. And we’d both kind of loved it.

Well, I did, at least. Even if it scares the shit out of me thinking about it now.

Neil glances at me. Maybe he sees the pink on my cheeks, or the way I am worrying my bottom lip with my teeth. Maybe he can even scent my desire as I recall the fire in his eyes in that moment.

Gods, I wanted to please him so much. I still do.

He looks back at the road, and a muscle ticks in his jaw.

“What happened tonight. Earlier, before Mia got sick.” He cleared his throat. “It was wrong of me to overstep."

“Nothing actually happened,” I remind him. I’d been down to fuck in that moment, but all that actually happened was Neil touching my neck. Hot? Sure. Erotic? Probably. Actually sex? Not even close.

“We wanted it to,” Neil says.

My breath catches. In the moment, I was able to tell how hot he was for it, but it’s nice to have the confirmation regardless, especially when he turned into an ice king after the fact.

He shakes his head, and my good feelings vanish. “We can’t want that. Not between the two of us.”

My heart cracks a little, and I fucking hate it. These goddamn jerk brothers, always messing with my heart. Hot and cold, the lot of them.

“What’s so wrong with being hot for each other? That’s not a crime.”

“I cannot allow myself moments of weakness,” he says.

“You seemed pretty in control to me.” I shoot him a knowing glance.

His hands tighten on the steering wheel again. He shifts some on his seat.

Is he remembering the things he said? The dirty promises he made?

Didn’t he want to shove his cock in my mouth anytime I talked back? I talked back plenty tonight.

“Neil –”

“No, Chloe. It can’t happen, and that’s that.” He huffs out a breath. It sounds frustrated. “I have a girlfriend.”

I’m wondering who he’s trying to convince, me or him.

But mentioning Angela does give me pause. Not because I’m worried about her at all. She’s given me the green light to go after Neil, after all. Plus, she’s actively boning Beau behind his back, so she’d have to be some kind of hypocrite to be jealous.

And, she pretty much said they’ve only ever held hands and only when they’d had to.

So no, I’m not worried about Angela for Angela’s sake.

But when Neil mentions her, it makes me wonder. What does she mean to him?

I thought their relationship mutually in name only. Is it possible Neil actually has feelings for her?

But how can I ask that in a way that’s more subtle?

I think for a second, but, no, fuck it. I want to know, so I’m just going to ask.

“Neil, do you actually have feelings for Angela?” I hope it comes out softer than bitter. I want to project concern and friendship. Unfortunately, my heart is still hurt, and it might have come out curt and jealous instead.

Emotions are hard.

Neil sighs. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. Or what she feels, either. I will do what my father commands of me, whatever that may be.”

I snort. “What if he tells you to walk off a cliff or something?”

Neil shoots me a quick, sidelong glare. “The Alpha King would not lower himself in such a fashion.”

“But if he did?”

“He wouldn’t.”

“But if he did?”

“He wouldn’t,” Neil adds a little growl to the word and I close my mouth. “There is nothing wrong with being a good son. My family has needs that require me to fulfill certain expectations. They are everything to me, so it is no great struggle to shoulder all the responsibilities.”

I frown. ”All the responsibilities? Why do you have to take them all?”

“So that the rest of my family can continue to live the way they wish.”

How selfless. Neil’s going to be his father’s pawn for life so his brothers can be wild assholes who fuck everyone in town?

That hardly seems fair.

“Would it really be so bad for you to cut loose every once in a while? Your dad doesn’t have to know everything.”

“He’d know,” Neil says, voice clipped. “He always knows.”

Neil turns off the highway. At a red light, he glances over at me. I watch as he trails a heavy gaze down the length of my body. I can feel the press of his gaze as if he’s actually touching me.

I lift my breasts a little, and his gaze flicks up to them.

He’s not saying anything, not moving. Just watching.

The weight of his gaze is nice but not enough. So I lift my own hand and trace the line of my collarbone. He watches.

Then I press my palm flat at the base of my throat.

He swallows hard.

I drop my head back against the headrest, stretching my neck as far as it will go.

His eyes visibly darken. He shifts again in his seat.

The car behind us honks. The light has turned green.

Neil looks at the road and does not glance back again.

I try not to be disappointed, but it still bites at me.

When the Pyramid comes into view, Neil says one last thing.

“My responsibility to my father and my family is the only reason I was born.”

He says it like he means it. He probably does.

It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

I shouldn’t care. The Hayes brothers are terrible and deserve whatever terrible fate the wrought.

But my heart still reaches out.

It begs, give him another reason to live.

And I want to.

But would he even let me?