Chapter 183

YENA

“Finally,” I said dramatically as Nolan and I sat down at our table. We were in the private dining room at our old date night restaurant, back for the first time in a long time. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper dinner together. I was starting to think we’d never find the time.”

Nolan didn’t respond until the hostess was out of earshot. “I am so sorry, Princess, for my role in that matter,” he said sarcastically. “In my defense, I only cancelled once. You are the one responsible for last night.”

I quipped back, “Yes, you’re right. I am also terribly sorry. It was so rude of me to miss our dinner plans and throw a charity event instead.”

He slid his big hand onto my thigh, fondling the soft satin of my dress. “And have you been terribly disappointed in me?” he asked, locking his green eyes onto mine. “Have I not been giving you enough attention?”

I was rendered incapable of any more witty banter, shivering under the touch of his hand. “No,” I answered. “Not at all.”

“So…” his hand drifted to the other leg… “I have been keeping you satisfied?”

I nodded very slowly.

A zealous maître-d came bustling in and Nolan removed his hand from my lap. I blinked and shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

The chatty, gray-haired man at our tableside began describing a bottle of wine, going deep into wildly unnecessary detail. Nolan didn’t meet my gaze, but I knew he saw me shaking my head at him in his peripheral vision, and I saw his mouth twitch against a suppressed smile.

We placed our orders and accepted the complimentary bottle after Nolan performed the obligatory taste-testing ritual with the maître-d. And finally the annoying man departed after filling our glasses.

Nolan looked at me and grinned.

“You’re bad,” I scolded him quietly.

He put his hands up in surrender. “I can keep my hands to myself. If that’s what you want.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

Nolan shook his head at me and sighed. Then he dropped his eyes to his wine glass, holding the bottom of the stem between two fingers and swirling the burgundy liquid around inside the glass.

“Yena, there’s something I need to ask you.”

“Oh.” I was not expecting the sudden shift in mood. “Sure, what is it?”

He stopped fidgeting with the wine and pushed the glass aside. And dragged his eyes back up to meet mine. “Do you ever think about what it would have been like, if you had gotten on the plane?”

“What? No. But I think a lot about how glad I am that I didn’t.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Nolan, where is this coming from? Do you really think I would rather be in the human world than here with you? That I regret not leaving you alone here to die?” I grabbed his hand.

“No, of course not.” He used his free hand to wipe his mouth. “I know you love me, Yena. I just can’t help but wonder if there’s a part of you that feels like… I am holding you back.”

I squeezed his hand, closing my eyes for a couple seconds. I could not believe we were having this conversation.

“Your wolf forced you to stay behind for my sake,” Nolan continued. “What if you’d had a choice, Yena? Do you think you could’ve been happier living a different life, without me?”

“Nolan, please listen to me. I don’t want you thinking about it like that…” My vision blurred with moisture just as a team of servers appeared with our first course. I averted my eyes, delicately patting the undersides of my lashes dry with my fingers.

We held an uncomfortable silence until the wait staff was gone.

“I told you, Nolan,” I started when we were alone. “I want to be here with you. What do I have to do to prove to you that’s true?”

“You don’t have to do anything.” Nolan picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles lightly. “I’m sorry to bring it up. I believe you. It’s just… something that’s been on my mind.”

I didn’t know what else to say. It was news to me that Nolan was feeling insecure about our reunion.

My mind flickered back to that day in the hospital wing, right after I had brought him back to life… He’d looked so sad when he said, “I shouldn’t assume you’re staying just became you came here to save me…”

It broke my heart to know that he was still worried about this.

That he thought I was here with him out of duty or obligation.

That he did not understand how much I loved him.

Things were only a little tense between us the rest of the night.

We changed the subject and discussed other things, mostly on the topic of the orphanage renovations, which had already begun that very day. I told Nolan all about what Cindy and I had planned for the new theater. He succeeded in keeping his hands to himself for the remainder of our time in the restaurant.

In the limo, though, Nolan was all over me immediately. I was a little surprised, since we’d gotten so far off-course with the flirty stuff earlier.

But not that surprised. Our bodies had a way of keeping us busy together even when Nolan and I were having trouble with other things.

And finally we got to enjoy a lazy morning with no alarms going off before sunrise the next day.

It was very nice to sleep in. And it was a relief to know that Nolan had finally slept for more than a few hours. Sometimes it seemed like he ran on hardly any sleep at all, and while he generally seemed fine and used to it, I could not believe that was a healthy practice in the long term.

We took a long shower together in the morning, then got dressed, had breakfast in our dining room, and headed out for a visit to the orphanage.

“How are you feeling?” I asked Nolan in the limo. “First time you’re coming back here since… the last time.” I could not make my mouth form the words, “since you were shot.”

“Great,” he answered quickly. “Anxious to see the new construction. I’m sure you ladies have come up with something amazing. I’ve learned not to expect anything less from you.”

Cindy was bubbling over with energy when we met her in the orphanage lobby. She had a small, quiet boy slung over her hip, holding the child with one arm as if he were a large purse.

Nolan and the small boy made eye contact. I was very puzzled to witness this moment, as the two seemed to recognize each other and have some sort of business between them. The boy buried his face in Cindy’s hair after this shared look, and Nolan glanced over at me anxiously.

“All the big kids are out volunteering today,” Cindy told us, explaining the unusual lack of commotion. “We’re trying to keep the kids as out of the way as possible during the construction. Fortunately, the crew is moving fast. Hopefully they’ll be done within the week.”

Cindy was going to walk us through the construction site. We retrieved some protective equipment from behind the front desk – hard hats and big, clear eye glasses – and geared up for the tour. She made to drop the little boy in the hallway, telling him to go back to the lunchroom, but he clung to her like a monkey on a branch and whispered something into her ear.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Cindy replied, prying his tiny hands off her.

The boy looked at me with wide, unblinking eyes and a shy smile.

I crouched down to his level as he approached and said, “Hi. Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

He grinned and nodded. “Yes. You showed me how to draw.”

“I thought you looked familiar.” The boy suddenly lunged at me and I caught him in a hug. Cindy was grinning, very amused.

When the boy reeled back, he looked way, way up at Nolan and shared yet another knowing look with my husband. Then he looked back at me. “Did he give you the drawing?” the boy asked.

Nolan shot me a clenched-teeth “yikes” expression.

“Of course he did! And I loved it. Thank you so much.” I patted the boy on the head. He had a big, wild mass of soft, thick hair. I found myself trying to comb it into a semblance of order.

Once the little boy was gone, having run off down one hallway, Nolan and I followed Cindy in the opposite direction.

“He gave me a drawing and asked me to give it to you, the last time I was here,” Nolan offered in explanation.

“I pieced that together. Thank you.” I covered my mouth to hold back laughter.

“Well. Thanks for covering for me.”

I took Nolan’s arm and leaned my body into his, giggling while I replayed the comical scene in my mind.

“You’re very good with children.” Nolan said this very casually. But when I looked up at him, he averted his eyes and cleared his throat, suddenly awkward.

Thankfully we reached the back door and it was time for Cindy to start talking. We stepped outside into the bright sunlight, suddenly engulfed in the sounds of hammers pounding and power tools revving and the smells of metal and sawdust.