Chapter 2 My fresh start

CURRENTLY…

POV OLIVIA

A YEAR LATER

The sound of soft crying filled the small apartment even before the alarm clock went off.

I slowly opened my eyes, still lost between sleep and accumulated exhaustion, staring at the white ceiling for a few seconds while trying to gather the strength to start another day.

The digital clock beside the bed read 6:20 a.m.

Outside, snow fell slowly over the small town in upstate New York, covering the narrow, silent streets with a thick white layer. The streetlights were still on, illuminating the flakes dancing through the air.

For a moment, everything seemed calm.

Silent.

Safe.

Until Jake started fussing again in the crib beside my bed.

The whiny little cry crossed the small room, and a smile escaped my lips before I even realized it.

“I’m awake already, little bossy boy…” I murmured, my voice rough with sleep.

I quickly pushed the blanket aside and felt the cold hit my legs the moment my feet touched the icy floor.

The apartment was small.

Very small.

A cramped bedroom, a simple kitchen, and a tiny living room that also served as an improvised office. Nothing like the comfortable life I used to have before.

But it was mine.

Ours.

And somehow, that simple place had become the only space where I could finally breathe without fear.

I picked up my baby before the crying got louder.

Jake immediately snuggled against my chest, still sleepy, letting out a soft grumble while his tiny fingers clutched the loose collar of my sweatshirt.

My heart tightened in a good way.

Warm.

Painful too.

Because despite everything… he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

“Good morning, my love.”

I kissed his warm forehead.

Jake was only three months old.

And he was the perfect copy of his father.

The same dark hair.

The same deep eyes.

The same subtle dimple at the corner of his mouth when he smiled in his sleep.

Sometimes, looking at my son felt like staring at a living piece of Brian in my own home.

And that hurt more than I liked to admit.

Because no matter how much I tried to run from the past… it still found me in the details.

In the shape of my son’s eyes.

In the way he frowned.

In the sound of the tiny laugh that was beginning to appear.

I swallowed hard, pushing the thought away before it grew too big inside me.

I walked into the kitchen with Jake in my arms.

The old heater made irritating noises while trying to warm the apartment, and the smell of coffee drifting from the hallway gave away that the woman in the neighboring apartment was already awake.

My life now was simple.

Small.

Quiet.

And completely different from the girl I had been a year ago.

A lot had changed since the day I left Brian behind.

Including me.

I still remember exactly when I found out about the pregnancy.

A few weeks after arriving in that town.

I was standing in the tiny apartment bathroom, shaking so badly I almost dropped the test onto the floor.

Positive.

The two pink lines looked blurred through my tears.

At that moment, all I could feel was fear.

A fear so intense that my entire body went cold.

Because I knew.

I knew exactly what would happen if Brian found out about the baby.

He would come back.

Maybe not for me.

But for the child.

And that was exactly what terrified me the most.

Because I loved Brian too much.

I always had.

All it would take was for him to show up saying he wanted to try again, that he wanted to build a family with me, that he wanted to make things work… and I would break every promise I had made to myself.

I would go back.

Even knowing I would probably end up destroyed all over again.

Only now, it wasn’t just about me anymore.

It was about my son.

And I refused to let Jake grow up surrounded by the emotional uncertainty that had always existed between Brian and me.

I didn’t want my son watching a man walk in and out of our lives depending on his own fears.

I didn’t want him growing up believing love had to hurt.

And above all, I could never bear the idea of Brian staying with me out of obligation.

I wanted to be chosen.

Loved.

I wanted someone to look at me and be certain.

I didn’t want to be tolerated just because a pregnancy had happened.

So I truly disappeared.

I changed my number.

Deleted my social media.

Vanished without leaving a trace behind.

And the worst part was walking away from Julia.

My chest tightened just thinking about her.

Because Julia wasn’t just my best friend.

She was my soul sister.

The person who held my hand during my worst moments.

The only one who truly saw me.

But I knew that if she found out about Jake, she would never be able to keep it from Brian.

And I also wouldn’t be able to stay close to that family without eventually giving in to the longing.

So I chose silence.

Even though it hurt.

Even though I felt cruel.

Even though I cried for entire nights because of it.

In the beginning, it was horrible.

I spent most of my pregnancy completely alone.

Trying to pretend I was strong while crying in the bathroom where no one could hear me.

There were days when fear consumed me entirely.

Days when I sat on the kitchen floor hugging my knees, wondering if I had made the right choice.

Because as much as Brian had hurt me… he was also the man I had loved most in my life.

And carrying his child without his knowing felt wrong sometimes.

But I couldn’t go back anymore.

I told my parents when I was almost eight months pregnant.

My mother cried.

My father stayed silent for long minutes before hugging me.

They were hurt that I had hidden everything for so long.

They tried to convince me to tell Brian.

Said he had the right to know.

And maybe he really did.

But I couldn’t do it.

Because deep down, I knew exactly what would happen if I saw him again.

I still loved him.

Even after everything.

Even after the pain.

Even after the emotional abandonment.

And that scared me more than anything else.

Jake let out a soft grumble in my arms, pulling me back from my thoughts.

I smiled immediately.

I adjusted the little blanket around him and stroked his soft cheek with my thumb.

“You saved Mommy, you know that?”

My voice came out low.

Emotional.

Because it was true.

On the hardest days, when the longing became unbearable or when I questioned whether I had made the right choice, all I had to do was look at my son to remember the reason for everything.

Jake was at peace in the middle of the chaos Brian had always stirred inside me.

I adjusted my baby in my arms and sat down on the couch near the window.

I slowly unbuttoned my shirt and freed one breast to feed him.

Jake immediately settled comfortably, nursing peacefully while his heavy little eyes almost closed again.

The town was still waking up outside.

Maplewood was small.

Cold.

Silent.

So different from the busy life I used to have before.

Here, nobody knew who I was.

Nobody knew my story.

I was just Olivia.

A single mother trying to survive.

And maybe that was exactly what I needed.

A fresh start.

Even if it was lonely.

While Jake nursed quietly, I picked up my phone from the side table.

No messages.

No calls.

Nothing.

I let out a quiet laugh at myself.

It was stupid to expect anything.

I had changed my number.

Completely disappeared.

Even so…

It still hurts a little.

Because part of me hated admitting that even after a year… I still thought about him.

Still wondered if Brian missed me.

If he had really tried to find me.

If one day he realized the extent of the damage he had caused.

Or if he had simply moved on, like he always did.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

And for a few seconds, the longing hit too hard.

The memory of his voice.

The way he used to wrap his arms around me from behind.

The way he said my name during the rare moments when he lowered his walls.

My chest tightened immediately.

No.

I couldn’t go back to that place again.

The past needed to stay in the past.

For my son.

For me.

Even if my heart still hasn’t completely learned that yet.

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