Chapter Four

River

“Hey, Asswipe! Long time no see!” I turn to see Jack emerging from the kitchen area.

“What’s up?”

“Just coming to watch the game, my TV’s busted,” He says, motioning to my TV and then clapping me on the shoulder before he steals the bag of chips from my lap and plopping down in the recliner across the room. Lifting the remote, he changes the station to the sports channel but leaves it muted. “Do you even have a life outside that hospital?” he asks, and then digs into the bag that I had just been enjoying.

Jack and I have been friends since I was eight and he was nine. Being a part of the foster system, it’s hard to have a steady place to live, one where you feel safe and at home. It’s even harder to make friends that actually stick, but Jack was that friend for me. He managed to make an almost unbearable foster home, just a little more bearable.

I’ll never forget the day that he came to stay at the house. It was a cool August morning, just before the new school year was set to start. His social worker walked up to the door, all pressed dress shirt and skirt. Her mousy brown hair pulled back in a tight low ponytail at the base of her neck. Her lips painted the reddest red that I had ever seen. It was like a crayon had attacked her face.

Following behind her was this gangly kid, as if we weren’t all gangly at that age, with a long mop of dirty dishwater blonde hair. He was wearing a worn and dingy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt and ripped-up jeans with stains up and down the legs. He also wore a look upon his face that told a story that I doubted his mouth ever would.

All it took was one look and I knew that we were meant to be best friends.

When I looked at him, I saw my own reflection in his haunted eyes. I saw me, in him. I knew from the encounter alone that we had more in common than just being trapped in the foster system and being placed in this home.

From that day forward, we were completely inseparable. Where one went, the other followed, but it wasn’t in the annoying way that sometimes happens with kids. We wanted—no, needed—each other’s company.

He knows even my deepest, darkest secrets and I know his, even though some of them, it took both of us a little bit to finally share. We were closer for sharing those soul-shattering truths than we were keeping them locked inside and suffering alone.

“Of course, shitdick! I’m here, aren’t I?” Jack huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. Feeling defensive, I spit back at him, “So what if I spend most of my time there. I am trying to get into medical school. And not all of my time is spent there.” I defend, as if it will make a difference.

So what if the majority of my free time outside of school and work is spent at the hospital? It’s my life, my decision. What does he care?

“Yeah, right! I hardly even see you anymore, which is saying a lot since we only live a few doors down from each other. We used to practically live at each other’s apartments.” I glance at the game, noting that the Bears are beating the Eagles but just by a hair. Come on boys, I know you’re better than this!

“What is this? You sound like a jealous girlfriend.” I spit, directing my attention back to the shitdick across from me. Jack makes this half snort, half choking sound and I grin in triumph. I knew that would get him.

“No, I don’t. I just know that there is more to life than spending it in a hospital room reading to a bunch of coma patients, who, by the way, may never wake up.”

“Go baby go! Go baby!” I yell, as the Bears running back rushes down the field, leaving the Eagles defense in the dust. “Touchdown! Fuck yeah!” I punch the air in celebration; Jack just sits there in the recliner, tight-lipped and glaring. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand, okay? But we are not having this argument, again. So just drop it already, alright? It’s my life. If I want to waste it with the hope that maybe my time spent there is making some sort of a difference, then I will. It’s my decision.”

“No, Asswipe. It’s torture. For you and for the families. You’re giving them hope for something that may never come to pass.” He’s only pissing me off by continuing this. Every time he brings it up, nothing gets settled. I end up getting pissed off and leaving. I typically start off driving around trying to give myself the chance to settle down before returning. But almost always, I find myself back at the hospital, burying myself within a story. Escaping my current life and trading it in for one in a book or created by my imagination.

“Just. Stop! I’m not doing this.” Standing up, I shoot him a glare and then head towards the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Jack seethes. He hates it when I walk out on a fight. It’s seriously like he thinks we’re in a relationship instead of best friends. The thought alone turns my stomach sour. Good thing I don’t swing that way and last time I heard, neither does he.

“It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out,” I retort, slamming the door behind me. What the fuck does it matter if I spend all of my free time there or not? I do well in school. I never miss a shift at work. I mean yea, sure, we don’t hang out as much as we used to, but I mean, come the fuck on. Don’t go getting all butt hurt about it.

I climb into my beater truck and make the few blocks from the apartment to the hospital in silence. I’m too angry to listen to music and I need the distraction that visiting my patients, as I have come to look at them, brings me. They have managed to do what nothing else has. Bring light from the darkness.

Finding a parking spot close enough to the entrance, I throw the shifter in park and kill the engine and then lower my head to the steering wheel to calm down a few degrees.

I don’t want to go in there looking like a grizzly bear, which is exactly how I feel. Everyone at this hospital has been incredibly nice and accommodating over the past several years.

“Good evening, River. You’re in late today,” Gretchen, the lady manning the front desk greets. She’s cute, bright green eyes, lots of red hair and a button nose, kind of like Angelica. The thought brings a smile to my face, whipping away the anger that had me boiling inside.

“Yeah...needed to get away...” I reply, nodding my head in her direction and then with a waive, I turn the corner, ambling towards the last room at the end of the hall.

“Come on sweetheart, if you can hear me, then please give me something, anything. I know I’m not losing my mind and that I didn’t just jar you last night.” I stop outside of her room as Nurse Lora speaks in hushed tones, pleading for some kind of a sign.

Raising my right hand, I wrap my knuckle against the mostly open door, announcing my presence to the Nurse before I enter the room.

“River...” she whispers, looking from me and then back to the little brunette lying in the bed in front of her.

“How is she today?” I walk around to the other side of the room and step up to the bed. Reaching down, I wipe a few stray strands of hair from her brow.

Nurse Lora looks at me as if she wants to say something but then decides not to with a shake of her head. “There’s been no change...” she mumbles sadly.

“Didn’t I hear you...”

“No..” she shakes her head back and forth adamantly, “I thought maybe...but...there’s been no change.” She gives me a sympathetic smile and then shuffles across the room, leaving me to spend my time alone with her.

“If you need anything, you know where to find me.” she murmurs before closing the door behind her.

“Hey beautiful.” I whisper, lowering myself to the chair at her bedside. “How are you today?” I don’t expect an answer, but conversation helps.

“I visited the others this morning, but I didn’t get to make it in here other than to drop off the lilies that I got for you.”

I pause for a few moments, figuring out exactly what it is that I want to say. Heaving a sigh, I lower my head to the cool bedrail and begin speaking again.

“I just had a fight with my best friend. He thinks I spend too much time here, that I'm wasting my life away. He doesn't get it. The other day, I had a customer who reminded me a lot of you...I don't know why, she just did. And her little boy, he was so cute.” I lift my head and find her just as she was, eyes closed, lying still.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m rambling to you, you don’t need to hear this. You have enough problems of your own. I’m not helping anything by spewing all of this onto you.” I can feel the burning of tears behind my eyes, threatening to spill over. I keep my emotions in check, swallow down the lump in my throat and continue on as if nothing has happened.

I pull my latest read from my backpack, and open it to the marked page. “Let’s see, where were we?” Flipping through the pages, I find the one I was looking for and clear my throat before beginning. “When she lifted her gaze to meet his, his breath caught, and he felt like he was drowning in the blue depths of her eyes. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman, smart, independent and beautiful, and yet he knew that she could never be his.” I read for a few hours, before finishing the book and glancing at my phone.

The time is a little after eleven and I know that I have an early morning so it’s probably best that I get some sleep.