Chapter 101

Nathan POV

Moonglow Pack - Modesty Cabin

Running cleared my head enough to push back my beast. Lyon wanted to be free, to roar his protest to the sky, but I needed him to work with me to hold us together. I had no idea what would happen if I were caught going Lycan on Moonglow territory.

My parents didn't deserve to deal with the fallout though. I was their miracle child. I was their hope for the future. They had given me everything they could and they'd continue to try to give me everything they had until they were unable to give anything more because there was nothing more to give.

I wanted to be the son who made my parents proud, not the tantrum-throwing boy-beast who shamed my House.

Throwing open the door to the Modesty Cabin, I entered the living area where the scents of my companions lingered. I focused on picking them apart as I paced the open space in front of the sofa.

Art smelled of secrets and musky Alpha power while a hint of Tyler wafted around to put a bold, masculine foot forward as if to remind anyone near he was a threat to remember.

My own smell partially masked Rachel -probably because my Lycan slip had intensified my natural scent trail- but there was no way I would miss Rachel's spicy aroma. She smelled of exotic flowers and hot nights.

Passionate nights.

Rachel and I had been the first of everything for each other right up to the moment she met her so-called 'mate' Tyler Wright.

I'd never gotten the chance to find full satisfaction in her arms. I could still close my eyes and call up all the nights we'd kissed until our bodies were fit to burst with desire.

One minute to focus was all I needed to remember exactly how she'd smelled, tasted, felt in my arms and I was suddenly hard, aching with desire for the woman I loved with every part of my heart and soul.

How could I have another mate? How could that random girl be my mate?

Lindy Campbell was lovely, certainly lovely enough to turn the head of most Alphas. Her dark hair and features were very reminiscent of Rachel. They could have been sisters even.

Except they weren't sisters and she could have been the most beautiful she-wolf on the whole planet without it mattering a damn bit to me.

She wasn't Rachel.

Pressing my fists against my eyes, I clenched my teeth to bite back a howl of pure fury. How could the Moon Goddess do this to me? How could she choose for me the woman trying to usurp Rachel's place in her mother's pack? Why was I being given this substitute when Rachel herself had loved me first, loved me freely, loved me, me, me---!

"You're going to hurt yourself."

"I can't hurt myself any more than I hurt already. I feel like I'm dying. A part of me is---giving up. I've loved her my whole life. How can you be my destiny when I love her?"

Dropping my hands, I turned to face Lindy. Her voice was hesitant and soft where Rachel was confident and loud. She was a poor copy of the woman I loved, but I could feel myself starting to see her differently as the mating instinct rose up inside me.

The longer I stared at her, the more details I noticed: her hair was thicker and longer than Rachel's though it was the exact same dark shade, her lips were full, her cheeks were rosy, and her skin was flawless.

I knew if I kept staring at her? I would only see more and more reasons to want her, desire her, crave her. If I let it, would this mating urge overtake my need for Rachel? Would I just---just stop needing her?

"Do you see me when you look at me? Or as you looking to see her? She might be my sister, you know? You met her first, but the Moon Goddess meant you for me! Can't you feel it? We belong to each other!"

Growling a warning I took a step towards Lindy as she took a step back from the open cabin door.

Rachel wouldn't have backed up. Rachel would have stood her ground. Rachel would have fought me. She'd only run before because she was worried about that bastard's baby in her belly.

Thinking of Rachel's growing belly had my strength draining away. I dropped down to sit on the couch, letting my hands droop in defeat.

I didn't want to fight this girl. I didn't want to hurt her. She was only trying to tell me the truth as she knew it.

Lindy wasn't the one who was breaking my heart.

Our Moon Goddess was the one betraying me right down into the depths of my soul and, for the first time in my life, I felt pure hatred for her.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't! Love me! I'm yours! Isn't that enough? She's mated to that other Alpha. The Wright Alpha! Why can't you accept we're destined for each other? Why can't I be good enough when I was made for you?"

I tried to find words to answer Lindy. She deserved answers from me. If I couldn't give her my love, she deserved my words.

I clasped my hands together to keep from forming fists again. I focused on taking her in even as I realized looking at her was changing my view of her. I knew the longer I studied her, the more the mating urge would overtake my thoughts.

I had chosen Rachel. My feelings for Rachel were real. The way I felt about Linda Campbell was not something I had chosen or wanted.

"What are you thinking? I can tell you're upset. Hurting. I don't know why. Can I help you? Can I help at all?"

I swallowed my feelings down. Neither of us would be benefitted by a loss of control. Lindy deserved words and I had the ability to form them because I was more than an animal.

"My heart is breaking. Can't you see? Can you feel that? This is killing me. I don't have it in me to love two women at the same time. I can't love you the way you deserve. I can't be the mate you're supposed to have. There's no room left inside me for another female."

Rachel took up every part of me. I loved her with my entire being: body and soul. I didn't have anything left to give to her.

"I don't care," she said, rushing to come forward and drop to her knees in front of me, "I don't need you to give me anything. Not yet. Not ever maybe. I want to give myself to you. I've never wanted to belong to anyone, but I want to be yours. I want you to be mine however you can be."

Could she be so selfless? Could anyone want to put someone else first so badly? Could I trust her?

I wished I could talk to my father. I needed him to tell me what I should do and I needed him to remind me I was more than my instincts.

All my instincts wanted to do was seize my pleading mate, jerk her to me, bury my teeth in her throat and claim her, mark her and make her mine forever. My hands were opening and closing on their own with the urge to reach out to her. I wanted to take her more than I'd wanted anything in my entire life.

Including Rachel.

And I suddenly hated her with a fiery passion because how dare she come to me and try to force me to give up on Rachel? My Rachel? No! I wouldn't do it.

No goddess could make me.

"I don't want you. I don't want to be yours. I want Rachel. She's the real heir to your House. You know that, don't you? You know you're not her sister either. I know Rachel better than I know anyone or anything on this earth and you are not her. You're not even close to her. I could smell it on you if you were from her line."

My beast was too close to the surface. My throat burned as I forced words when all my body wanted to do was howl in a combination of rage and grief. All I'd ever wanted for my future was getting pushed aside, lost, and I was getting lost too.

"I need you to leave now, Lindy. I'm not going to be able to control myself much longer. You won't like me when I'm angry."

I hoped Lindy listened.

I really didn't want to hurt her, but I would if I had to as I stood to get away.

"If you value your life, you won't try to touch me. Go back to your father, Lindy. You're not Rachel and you're never going to be."

I went for the door only to feel her grab my hand and, just like that, my control snapped.