Chapter 89

Rachel POV

Moonglow Pack - Modesty Cabin

I wanted to explain to Nathan, but Tyler called before I could. I knew he wouldn't stop calling so I answered.

The faster I spoke with Tyler, the faster I would be able to get back to my conversation with Nathan.

"Just a minute. It's Tyler. I promised to call him as soon as I could."

Nathan nodded his understanding, relaxing back into his corner of the sofa. His muscles had tensed at the ring of the phone; I could see him visibly relax as I spoke to Tyler. I supposed Tyler wouldn't seem so bad after learning Moonglow Pack might want to isolate us so they could do who-knew-what to me.

I scotted to the edge of my seat, wanting my feet under me as I spoke with Tyler. I couldn't put words together to explain my feelings which turned out not to matter as Tyler interrogated me as thoroughly as a professional. I felt more tired after speaking to him than I had after the entire drive to Moonglow territory.

"I'm sorry. Tyler was evidently more worried than I expected. I guess I may have underestimated the level of danger I'm putting us in doing this. I just---didn't have a choice?"

I knew it wasn't really a question. I just didn't want to have to take responsibility for potentially getting us tortured or killed. How far would Alpha Campbell go to remain in the Alpha seat?

"You needed to know," Nathan agreed, nodding an understanding I knew I'd never get from Tyler, "We will be okay, Rachel. Don't let Arthur worry you too much. Even a powerful pack bows before the Alpha Council."

I laughed as I remembered the look on Art's face after Justice called him by his full name. He had his hands full with her! Or she had hers full with him. I wasn't sure whose side I should take: Art since he was my protector or Justice since she shared my sex as a female.

Nathan had a good point as the Alpha Council could call all the packs to war if they felt it necessary.

All packs fell under the leadership of the Alpha Council. No one could claim amnesty for their pack based on any reason be it size or philosophy. There was a structure to the wolfen world which was not violated by any of our kind. Violation of Council Code meant death in our world as wolves took no prisoners.

"Did you mean it? What you said?"

Nathan drew my attention back to him and I found myself taking him in as if I hadn't seen him since the last time we'd gone out together our Senior year of high school. His looks were blond and built with a lean muscularity which was as masculine as it was sultry.

"I did. I miss being with you, Nathan."

"Why?"

He asked me as if the question was punched out of him by a fist to the chest. I wondered if it was because he couldn't help himself or because my admission came as such a shock to him. How could an Alpha like him even question whether a woman wanted to be with him or not?

My answer had to be more accurate than my statement had been.

Nathan deserved an answer he could hold close to his heart, one he could find comfort in because it answered more than it left to continue to question.

Standing, I rubbed my palms down my sides, hoping my slip didn't show the dampness I'd wiped free of my hands. I had never missed air-conditioning more.

"I don't know if I can give you an exact answer. Or the answer you want at least. Are you sure you want me to try?"

I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already had. Nathan clearly still had feelings for me and I couldn't shake the feeling it was my fault somehow---what could I have done to help him move on? Was there anything I could have done differently to have changed Nathan's situation?

"Yes. No matter what you tell me -as long as it's the truth- I'll be glad to hear it. I always want to hear the truth from you, Rach. Even if it hurts. Especially if it hurts."

Pacing the room would give me an excuse to remain standing, but my feet were puffy and ached. Nathan tugged on my wrist and I collapsed back onto the sofa at his side.

All my energy drained out of me at nothing more than a touch. His hand was huge and heavy around my wrist.

I could have made the argument I was tired from the long day. I was tired, too. Emotionally tired. Physically tired. Just tired.

"Why do you miss being with me?"

Lyon, Nathan's wolf, was making his presence known as he deepened Nathan's voice, added a growling undercurrent to his words I couldn't mistake for anything other than the rumble of an Alpha.

"I miss the comfort mostly."

Nathan didn't react the way I expected.

An Alpha had a reputation to think of and I knew, from too much experience, they would sacrifice personal relationships to save face.

Instead of getting angry or being insulted, Nathan only nodded. He rubbed his thumb over the delicate skin of my inner wrist. My pulse pounded faster, harder at his touch; I hoped he didn't take my reaction as a cue to move forward with me physically.

I only wanted one Alpha in my bed and Nathan Lewis was not that Alpha.

"Go on."

I sighed in relief, my shoulders sagging as Nathan once again took the weight of my worries onto his own shoulders.

I wasn't good enough for him. I wondered if he would ever find a female who was. Nathan deserved the best of our kind and I wasn't sure the best could be found where we could search.

"I never doubt your feelings for me. You aren't an open book exactly. I don't know what you're thinking. I'm not saying I do. I'm just saying I never question whether or not you love me."

"I never will either. I'll love you forever, Rachel."

I could hear the truth, the certainty, the absolute undeniability of it in his words and I knew, if I chose to mate with Nathan Lewis, I would be loved completely until one or both of us died.

I also knew I didn't love him back the same way and choosing him for his devotion to me would be more cruel than words could explain.

"You know I don't love you the same way?"

I asked him gently, wanting to treat his heart with the care he was showing me. I knew Nathan would be hurt by me eventually -there was no way I couldn't hurt him since I had already made my decision to return to my own fated mate. I wanted to be kind to him when I could all the same.

"I do, but I don't care. Don't you see? I can love you enough for both of us. You'd never want for anything. You'd never be held back by me. I would love our child, too. We do a blood exchange during our mating and then when you give birth? That's my baby, Rachel! You think you're stuck with Wright because of your child, but you aren't!"

I didn't think of my daughter as a chain linking me to Tyler. I thought of her as a bridge we could use to connect ourselves together on equal footing.

I also hadn't given a lot of thought to Nathan's suggestion he use a bloodright to join my daughter to his pack.

"I'm not going back to Tyler because we're having a baby together. Nathan," I paused to collect my thoughts before continuing, "Nathan, I'm going back to Tyler because he's my fated mate and a part of me belongs with him. A huge part of me. I just wanted you to know there's a part of me which will always belong with you, too. You were my first love. You're my past. I treasure you. One day you'll meet your own fated mate and then---"

"Do not tell me I'll understand!"

I froze at the ferocity of Nathan's response. It was the first time I had really felt scared by the intensity of his feelings for me.

"Okay. I won't. What do you think about your fated mate? You know the Moon Goddess gives all wolves one. Are you so sure you won't want her?"

I wasn't so special. My looks were above average and my musical talent was considerable. I knew I had worth as a woman and a wolf. I also knew even if I was from an Alpha House instead of an Omega House, I wasn't valuable enough to have an Alpha heir throw away his fated mate for me.

"I wouldn't care if my fated mate appeared before me tomorrow. I'll never love her the way I love you. Rach, you think we're in the past. We aren't. We don't have to be. We can be together right now."

Nathan surged forward to press his lips against my own in a fiery kiss.