Chapter 174

We got back to Lunae, but I didn’t go looking for Candido. I went back to the barracks, putting on the stupid cuffs and collar again. I saw Estella as I headed into the barracks. Claire didn’t come find me, I bet she and Francium were together and having sex.

I burned with envy. If only Candido would just…

I thought back to the Blood Moon. Could I ask for that too? Cillian hadn’t said there was a restriction on what I could ask for. Maybe the Goddess would listen to me. I was… half vampire? Would that make me closer to her? Would that make her more willing to listen? I hadn’t believed much in her, but would that make her less likely to listen to me?

Couldn’t she see how unfair this all was to me? Couldn’t she see how badly I wanted Candido?

I waited and kept to myself for days. No one came looking for me. It burned me, even more, to know that Candido was probably out with Estella. Maybe he’d met her parents again. Maybe they were kissing and having sex right now. I remembered how much it hurt to even think about him and Sibyl together, but this was so much worse.

At least with Sibyl, I knew that there was no way he would ever find an equal in her. She had been so selfish and mean. Even if they got married, there was no way that he would ever think to make her Luna, but Estella was different.

I knew that just watching the way they were together—watching her. I’d seen her a few times over the past few days when I left my room to eat occasionally. She was well-liked among the vampires of Lunae’s Circle. Ian liked her. Raven liked her. Cillian liked her. The people of Moon Shadow even liked her, and I watched her slowly bridging the gap between the werewolves of Moon Shadow and the werewolves of Lunae’s Circle.

I wasn’t sure how it had happened or why. I didn’t even know what she’d said to them, but I saw Vanessa out with Julia, and another person I knew was a werewolf from Lunae based on their clothing. Julia looked a little tense. She met Vanessa’s gaze hard and firm, then Vanessa lowered her gaze and said something.

Julia’s eyes softened. Estella was talking to them both and Julia wiped her eyes nodding. The people around them were watching and werewolves from Lunae and vampires seemed to pass a consoling hand on Vanessa’s shoulder. I hated it. I hated watching her move easily between all of these people like she was supposed to.

Like she was Candido’s Luna.

My heart lurched at the thought. I looked up from my drink over to where Estella was seated with a few members of her unit, including Troy, and Moon Shadow, including Yggdrasil. He laughed. His eyes lit up and he threw his head back.

I stood and walked towards the door, straining my hearing.

“Stop it,” Estella said. There was no humor in her tone. It was gentle. “She is young. You have to give her a chance.”

Was she talking about me?

“Any more chances, and we’ll all be dead,” Yggdrasil huffed. “The girl has the sense of a flea. At this point, I’d push him to just fuck her and get it out of his fucking system.”

“Crude. Don’t talk about her like that,” Estella said. “How would you feel if someone spoke about Jamie like that?”

“If my baby girl had grown to be that age and that stupid, I’d hope someone in the world would straighten herself out before it got anyone killed.”

Estella’s eyes turned soft. “Jamie… Jamie isn’t…”

He waved his hand. “It happened years ago. She was… She was sick. It was as peaceful as we could manage it.”

Her eyes glossed over. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head. “I’ve mourned as much as I can. She’s with the Goddess now.”

Estella nodded. “I hope she’s picking all the flowers she can.”

He chuckled. “I feel bad for the forests of the afterlife.”

Estella sighed. “About Hedy. ’Dido isn’t that kind of person. He wouldn’t unless he actually felt something for her. She’s young and inexperienced. Getting entangled with her without there being real feeling would be dishonorable and messy.”

Yggdrasil looked into his mug. “Makes you wonder what he’s thinking humoring her childish antics…”

“It’s not appropriate to talk about someone behind their backs,” I said, walking towards them.

Yggdrasil turned. “You’re standing right there. Did it look like I was trying to hide what I was saying?”

My face burned as a few at the table laughed.

“Uncle Wren,” Estella sighed. “Stop it. Please. Weren’t you young and prone to rash decisions once? Haven’t you made mistakes?”

“I don’t need you to defend me,” I snapped at her. “I’m not a child! I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Wren turned back to her and gestured toward me. “You heard her.”

Estella shook her head and looked at me. “I—”

“I don’t care what you think,” I said. “I don’t care what you had with Candido before or whatever. I don’t need you to defend me.”

“Sometimes, Estella,” Wren said quietly. “That sweetness should be reserved for people who deserve it.”

Estella glanced at Wren and then looked back at me. She nodded.

“Okay. I won’t.”

I looked at Wren. “And—”

“You’re really different from what I expected,” someone said and took a drink. “I used to think Pandora was this great, cool-headed organizer.”

I looked at him, offended. “What the hell does that mean?”

He grimaced and gestured toward me. “It’s not about your age. Candido’s been running the pack and Moon Shadow for ages… It’s just I thought you were probably going to be the one to do a lot of the planning and support of the war. You know, the logistics, but…” he sighed and took another drink. “You’re just really disappointing. I guess this is why they say don’t meet your heroes.”

Wren snorted. “I’m not sure why you would call a glorified administrative assistant a hero, but I’m sorry you’re so disappointed. On the bright side, we’ve got a dead ringer for a useful luna!”

My heart lurched and I stared at Estella as she seemed stunned and Wren lifted his mug at her.

“You have my vote over Candido’s little pet project any day, Estella.”

Estella blinked and stared at him, not sure of what to say. Her brow furrowed and she tightened her grip on her mug.

“’Dido… isn’t in a place to entertain any of that, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to him about it.”

“Sure, sure,” Wren said. “He’s not looking so hot these days with the war and everything. I didn’t plan on telling him. He already knows how I feel about the child.”

I turned away from them, hurrying out of the building as the sun began to set. My heart clenched. My stomach turned. I couldn’t let this happen. I knew it. I knew she was already stepping into a role that wasn’t hers. I’d seen it. I’d watched her start to take over the spot that should be mine.

I couldn’t let this keep going.

Wren would change his mind.

I’d show them I could be more than just a glorified administrative assistant. I’d show them that I was a better luna than Estella could ever be, that it was me Candido was supposed to be with. Sure, I didn’t have any healing abilities, and I didn’t have control over my powers, but I was still useful. Candido loved me. I know he did. Estella might be someone from his past, but our feelings were stronger. We were closer, I knew that. We shared dreams. We had a connection.

The way he touched me and smiled at me. Sure, we weren’t talking now, but that didn’t mean anything. He would come around and apologize to me for everything and we’d be okay.

You have to give her a chance.

I scowled at the memory. The fact that she had been defending me. The ease and sincerity in her tone. She hadn’t even been trying to rub it in my face that she could call Wren uncle, that she already had the acceptance of Candido’s whole family.

A glint of red light caught my eye. I turned and watched the moon start to rise into the sky. It was a brilliant red, as if it had been dipped in blood. I left the area and rushed towards the center of town. There had to be a temple, an altar, or something nearby, but I didn’t know where it was.

It felt like I had wandered for hours before a sign caught my eye. It was marked with the same symbol as the temples were in Full Moon. I caught sight of a flash of temple red fabric and hurried after it.