Chapter 181

I was a little nervous about my decision. Cillian looked thoughtful. I thought he might say no, but he nodded and nodded me upstairs.

“There should be something upstairs that will fit you.”

I stiffened. “Do you… often have women’s clothing?”

He smirked. “Jealous or just curious?”

My face heated, and I scowled. “Just answer me.”

Cillian shrugged. “Which answer would bring you more comfort?”

I narrowed my eyes at him as his eyes twinkled. Then, I turned and headed upstairs. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this, but what other choice did I have? If Candido wasn’t going to pay attention to me like normal, then I had to get his attention somehow.

I had to make sure that he saw me as an adult, as his mate, and stopped looking at Estella. Just the thought of her irritated me. When I reached the second floor, I went into the nearest room. It looked like a woman’s room, and I set my jaw at the thought. Did Cillian have a wife? I thought he loved my mother. She’d only been dead for twenty years. If vampires really lived for so long, wouldn’t he still be thinking about her?

Maybe vampires were just as fickle as werewolves. The thought brought me back to Candido and I went to the closet, expecting something that would be appropriate for a date, but all the clothes were all basically the same thing: pants and basic shirts. There was no underwear in the drawers or anything like that. There was no way that he brought women here. No woman would be okay with just wearing the same thing over and over again, unless she didn’t have any interest in who saw her.

I bet Estella didn’t put any effort into her looks with her stupid short hair and her basic clothes. Even before I got to Full Moon I had tried to care about the way I dressed.

I couldn’t do much since Steven and Lilian didn’t buy me much, but I tried my best. When I came to Full Moon, Candido always bought me nice things. Even if it was just a pair of jeans, they were always nice and I made sure that I looked good every time I even thought about him seeing me.

None of this would help me.

I turned from the closet and went to the next room, but these clothes were all male clothes of the same type. It seemed like I’d looked in every room and had come up with nothing. Then, Cillian came down the hall changed into something else and shrugged on an embroidered jacket over her shirt.

I scowled at him. “None of it works.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “While I like what you’re wearing now, I doubt it would be appropriate to walk around like this.”

My face heated as he dragged his gaze over me. It made my heart flutter. Candido had never looked at me like that. I knew we’d shared a very… intimate dream once, but even after that, he hadn’t looked at me like this.

“It’s all plain.”

He smirked. “Did you expect a resplendent dress? Perhaps a slinky cocktail dress? Or maybe one of those bustier tops Raven is so fond of?”

I crossed my arms. “Yes, actually.”

“Would you actually wear it?” Cillian asked cocking an eyebrow at me. “Raven’s old room may have something you can fit.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Why… does Raven have a room here?”

“What answer would give you the most comfort?”

“Why can’t you just answer me?” I asked.

He drew closer and backed me up against the wall. He leaned down and a soft glow came into his eyes.

“Why must you ask questions that don’t concern you?”

I narrowed my eyes. “How doesn’t it concern me?”

“You aren’t a vampire, as you’ve continued to say.” He smirked. “Thus what does it matter how vampires run things.”

“You…” I swallowed and lifted my chin. “You’ve been…”

“Yes?” He asked, his voice low and barely a rumble.

I could hardly breathe at the heat that rolled through me as he stared down at me. I tore my gaze away.

“Just show me.”

He chuckled and pulled back. He led me up another set of stairs and down the hall before opening the door and gesturing me in. This room looked like it had been updated recently. There were flowers made of gold and engraved ravens on the wall. It felt personalized as if Raven had probably spent a lot of tie in this room. Had she? Had she grown up with Cillian? She said that she had, but this was different.

I went to the closet. There were no pants inside, just dressed and skirts. There were still shirts there. It was all much better than all the stuff that was here. I picked out the cutest dress, a short dress that looked like it was meant for spring. The fabric was so soft that I couldn’t help but run my hand over it. The door closed behind me as Cillian left.

I put the dress on and realized that the fabric was thin and slinky, too thin to wear with the underwear I had. I frowned, thinking back to what Raven said about wearing a bigger size than me. This dress fit well.

These had to be old clothes. I opened a few drawers and found a few pairs of underwear and a bra that looked about my size. I slipped into them and looked at myself in the mirror.

It wasn’t something I would have ever picked out. It was… much shorter than anything I had ever worn before, coming to about my mid-thigh. The back was strappy, but it looked every bit date appropriate. I slipped into the sandals I found and was thankful that they seemed about the right size, then I left the room.

Cillian wasn’t outside. I heard the voices of others, the opening and closing of doors then walked down the stairs. One of the men who had come in stopped and looked at me before scoffing with a laugh and walking past me. A few moments later I heard laughter drifting down the stairwell. Cillian was standing near the door, looking unbothered as he read over something.

“What is that?”

“A report,” he said absently and folded it. He turned and swept his gaze over me again. “You look lovely. Shall we?”

He offered his arm to me and my heart skipped a beat. I took it and we left the house. As we walked, I realized her had to be slowing his gait to let me walk with him.

This is what it was supposed to be like with Candido. This is what it could be like. No—this is what it would be like as soon as I pried Estella’s claws out of Candido and kicked her out of his life.

You know who you sound like? Candido’s voice cut through my mind. I scowled at the thought.

I did not sound like Sibyl. He only said that because Estella insinuated that I did.

“Are you hungry?” Cillian asked. “Food for the festival is some of the best in the Circle.”

I nodded. “I like pork.”

He chuckled. “Well, we’ll see if we can find someone who only sells pork.”

I smiled up at him, feeling special as we passed several stands. They greeted Cillian but didn’t seem to regard me at all. Then, I saw Candido standing further down the street. He’d changed again. He had a different cloak and some armor on over a plain white shirt and leather. Estella came out of the building he was standing in front of with a basket in her arm and I almost didn’t recognize her.

She wore a temple-red shirt that looked to be made of silk beneath an armored vest. I thought she might be wearing a dress, but the shirt just had a long train that fell down to her knees. It was pleated. Underneath she wore leather pants and boots with high heels. She had a metal band on her head, nestled in her short curls.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but as we approached, Candido turned and led her further down the way. I didn’t part from Cillian, but if he was going to lead me away from the sight, I was going to insist on us staying. Cillian walked calmly after them and stopped at a cart across the way from the alley that Candido had led Estella into.

I waited to see the truth. I waited for her to pull him close, but she seemed to keep her distance from him as they talked. He reached for her hand and took it, holding it in his hands as he continued to talk to her. My eyes stung. I wish I could hear what they were saying, but it was so clear that he wasn’t thinking of me at all. It was so clear that she was winning and enjoying it.

Let go of his hand, I thought, feeling the anger start to rise in me. Get away from him.

Then, Candido pulled her into his arms and I wanted to scream.