Chapter 2 He Wants a Baby

Ethan stayed out all night, and I did not sleep either.

I did not need to wonder where he was. He was with that woman and the child she carried.

When I left work that evening, Ethan was waiting outside my office building.

"Don't be mad."

When he saw me, Ethan hurried over.

"We're going back to Mom and Dad's for dinner today. Be nice to them, okay?"

I frowned. Should I tell them?

Their son had a mistress outside, and she was pregnant.

But they'd always wanted grandchildren. They were probably ecstatic to hear this news.

We arrived at Ethan's parents' house, where Margaret and Robert Caldwell were waiting for us.

As soon as I walked in the door, Margaret rushed over to see me.

I understood what she meant and shook my head. "Not pregnant yet."

Margaret walked back into the living room in disappointment. Silence settled over the room.

Halfway through dinner, the conversation turned to a news story about a mother protecting her daughter.

"Moms protect their kids. That's instinct," I whispered.

Margaret jumped in. "Exactly. Having children and becoming a mother is natural for a woman."

Seeing that I didn't say anything, Robert set down his fork.

"Claire, I don't mean to pry, but isn't it time you two had a baby?

"The older you get, the harder it will be to conceive."

I squeezed out a smile. "Robert, Ethan said he doesn't want kids."

Ethan's face darkened. He swallowed hard.

Margaret tried to smooth things over. "Claire, forget what Ethan said. What about you? Have you considered seeing a doctor?"

Margaret, there was no need for me to see a doctor. Ethan already had a child.

Just not in my belly.

The words were on my lips, but I didn't know how to say them.

After a brief silence, I forced a grin.

"Margaret, I can have a baby."

Margaret's eyes flicked away.

"We do need a child, don't we? If I can't have one, what good am I to this family?"

Ethan took a bite of food. "Mom, could we stop this conversation?"

Margaret's face darkened. "Am I wrong? Did I say something improper?"

Her voice rose. "Your father and I are getting older. We just want grandchildren. Is that so wrong?"

I dug my nails into my palms. "Margaret, don't be angry. We're going to have a baby."

I looked at Ethan.

"You were the one who insisted on being child-free, didn't you?"

Ethan avoided his parents' eyes. "I want children too. But..."

He was using me as a shield from his parents.

Margaret said, "Claire, that was Ethan's decision. But it isn't too late to have a baby, is it?"

Ethan raised his head. "Claire, I regret it."

"What did you say?"

Ethan didn't dare to look me straight in the eye.

"I said I regretted it, and now I want a child."

I sneered. "I know, you..."

That secret was about to be exposed, but the laughter of Margaret and Robert stopped me.

"That's great, Ethan. You and Claire should try harder.

"It's good that you changed. We're waiting for your good news."

I watched the three of them celebrate and felt like an outsider.

It was the same feeling I'd had when I saw Ethan with that woman the day before.

After dinner, I was in the kitchen washing dishes.

Margaret came over.

"Claire, I don't want to force you, but I hope you can get pregnant soon.

"You'd better have a baby next year."

My nose stung, and my tears fell into the sink.

I wanted a baby too. That was why I went to see a doctor.

If I didn't go to the hospital, I wouldn't have met Ethan and that woman.

"Okay, Margaret, I'll talk about it with Ethan."

I wiped my eyes before she could see.

When I got home at night, I shrank under the covers and didn't move.

I never questioned Ethan's love for me until I saw him with that woman.

Once, he had been a good husband. I had believed work was keeping him busy.

It turned out he was cheating on me.

Ethan had been drinking with Robert, and liquor clung to his breath and clothes.

He wrapped his arms around me through the covers and began trying to slide beneath them.

"Not now. I'm not in the mood."

I spoke so softly that his hand went still.

"But I want you, honey."

His breath was warm on my ear.

Before the hospital, I would have agreed.

But knowing that he had already slept with another woman, I wanted him to stay away from me.

"I'm not in the mood, sorry."

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the first glimpse of who he had become.

I twisted away and kicked until he released me.

"Claire! What's wrong with you?"

I stared at him in the dark.

"Don't you know what's wrong with me?"

Ethan froze, then swore under his breath.

He snatched up a blanket and pillow, stormed out, and slammed the door.

In seven years of marriage, it was only the second time Ethan had ever slammed a door on me.

Two days had passed since I saw him with the pregnant woman.

I opened the door to follow him. Ethan was already lying on the couch, his back to me.

"You didn't come home yesterday. Where did you go?"

"Slept in the car."

Ethan's answer was low and harsh.

It was hard to believe the man using that voice had ever said he loved me.

I wanted to ask him who that woman was.

What if it was not like what I had seen?

I went back to bed alone and wept until dawn.

All I could do now was lie to myself.