Chapter 124

“You just said it,” Rafe says with a shrug. “Luca, you have admitted that you don’t want Ariel to be with Jackson. Jackson, you agreed, saying you felt the same way – you don’t want her to be with Luca.”

All three of us just stare at Rafe like that’s obvious. Actually, all five of us if you count Ben and Jesse too.

“Well, I mean, I think it’s kind of simple,” Rafe says with a sigh, heading to the couch and lifting his coffee off the table as he sits down like this is the most casual conversation anyone has ever had. “If that’s what you guys want, you just have to decide where your boundaries are.”

“What?” Ben asks, confused. We all turn to him and he puts his hands up. “Sorry, sorry,” he murmurs. “I’m just…I’m too involved. I’m sorry. I’ll shut up.”

Rafe laughs a little, but nods. “No, you’re right, I can be clearer. But honestly, I think it is really simple. Ariel?” he says, and I stand up straight, a little wary about what’s coming next. “You declared this morning that you’re not going to reject your mating bond with Jackson just because Luca wants you to, right?”

“Right,” I say instantly.

“Really?” Jackson asks, and I turn my head to see a wide smile on his face. I smile back at him, sending a sense of faith and happiness down our bond, as well as a very tiny scolding that he should be at all surprised. His smile deepens.

“And,” Rafe says slowly, drawing my attention back to him. “Are you willing to reject Luca, because Jackson wants you to?”

“No,” I say instantly, my hand going to my chest, my heart breaking at the very idea. My eyes move to Luca’s and I can feel his own horror, his incredible sense of impending fear and loss. I shake my head, fervent, letting him know that I would never. Slowly, he grits his teeth and nods, believing me.

“Okay,” Rafe says, nodding again and turning back to the boys. “Well, is either of you willing to break your bond with Ariel?”

“No!” they say in unison before turning to glare at each other, I think a little pissed to finally agree on a point – any point – in this complicated manner.

“Okay, cool,” Rafe says, giving a shrug and lifting his coffee to his mouth. “Then, obviously, we have to find a way to deal with this. Figure out where your boundaries are and…how to live with this situation as it is – because clearly, you’re all stuck in it.”

“Look at you, cousin,” Jesse says, pleased as he sinks into his armchair with a donut in his hand, taking a bite. “What are you, on Therapy track, instead of Warrior? That was good.”

My eyes narrow at Jesse. Donuts? Where the hell did he get one of those?

Rafe just grins at our cousin before Luca steps forward, pissed.

“No way,” Luca says, shaking his head and jutting out a hand. “I see what you’re doing here – this is…this is all what Ariel wants, but what I want is important too. I don’t – I don’t want to live like this.”

“Valid,” Rafe says, nodding to him. “So, tell us what you want, Luca.”

“What I do not want,” Luca says, glaring at Rafe and then at me. “Is a polyamorous relationship. I do not want a girlfriend who has another boyfriend. I can’t…I can’t live like that.”

“Well, then that sounds like your boundary,” Rafe says quietly. “What about you, Jacks?”

Some of Jackson’s confidence has left him now that he’s not dealing with a confrontation with another Alpha and is instead doing what is probably his least favorite thing in the world: talking about his emotions. “Um,” he says, lifting a hand to rub anxiously at the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I mean…whatever…”

My eyebrows go up because…well, did Jackson just admit that he’s okay with me having two boyfriends?

“No, Jacks,” Jesse says, his mouth full of donut as he points an accusatory finger in Jackson’s direction. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Jackson growls, clearly displeased to be countered.

“You’re lying to be easy, to make Ariel happy,” Jesse says, perfectly casual like Rafe is. I blink, my eyebrows going up as I look at Jackson again, surprised to see him scowling and looking away. “I saw you last night – you were devastated at the idea of her being with someone else. Tell the truth, Jacks – that’s what we’re trying to do here. Get it all out on the table so we can figure out what to do.”

Ben sits down on the couch next to Rafe, watching everything unfold like a television drama. I sigh, scowling and crossing my arms, feeling oddly out of place and like a pawn. I mean, don’t I get a say in this?

But also…what is it that I want? Do I actually want like…two boyfriends? How would that even work? And what does that look like in twenty years – do we all just…live in a house together? Would we…have kids?

God, this is so weird.

Jackson blushes deeply now that he’s been put on the spot, his mouth twisting as he looks down at the floor.

“Well?” Rafe asks. “Speak now, Jacks, this is your chance to say what you really want. Are you cool with Ariel dating Luca too? Or…”

“Fine, whatever,” Jackson snaps, unhappy to be pressed into telling his truth and not looking at me. “I want what Luca wants, if you really want to know. I want my mate to myself, I don’t want to share her with anyone.” He raises his eyes to glare at Luca a little, like it’s all his fault.

“All right,” Rafe says, sounding satisfied. I turn to him in confusion now, my hands spreading at my sides because…I mean, we didn’t decide anything –

“It looks like you’re going to have to choose, Ari,” Rafe says, his face even and his voice controlled.

My mouth pops open in horror.

“Well, they don’t want to be in an open relationship,” he says, gesturing towards my mates with my coffee mug.

“But we said -!”

“I know,” Rafe says, nodding, reading my mind. “And I still stand by that. You have a right to explore both of your mating bonds, which the Goddess gave you – a gift from our grandmother.”

“Wait, what?” Jackson asks, stepping forward a little, confused.

“We’ll explain that later,” Jesse murmurs, waving a hand at Jackson, his eyes trained on Rafe.

“But,” Rafe says, holding up a finger, “I don’t think that it’s fair for you to have unlimited time to explore those bonds. I think that, in deference to what your mates have stated they want…that you should take the time you need to make your decision, but that in the end…” he holds my eyes now, knowing that it’s breaking my heart, “you should choose one of them, Ariel. It’s…it’s not fair not to, if that’s not what they want.”

My mouth pops open as I stare at my brother and then over at my two mates, my heart breaking at the idea of not having one of them.

Because –

I mean –

They’re – they’re mine –

They’re both mine!

“Rafe,” I say, my voice thick with my grief at the idea, “I can’t…”

“Well, we can’t,” Luca says, folding his arms and staring at me, hard. I feel all of his sadness, all of his grief as he does. “I mean, I don’t speak for Jackson, but I can’t live like this. Not forever. For a little bit…” he sighs, hanging his head, thinking about it. “Maybe. Maybe, Ariel. Because I think I’m better for you than he is, your true mate, but because you might need time to figure that out? I think…I think I could live with it. For a while.”

Shocked, my eyes move to Jackson next.

But he doesn’t say a word, just holding my eyes.

And as I stare at him, I realize what the emotions are coming down my bond with him – just…a desperate desire, an open yes, absolute horror at the idea that he could lose me and a determination to keep me on any terms.

As I realize that that’s how my sweet mate is feeling – so desperate, so ready to say yes to whatever keeps me by his side no matter what the terms - I set my jaw and raise my chin, determined to do what’s right.

Because it’s not fair to Jacks. Even if he hasn’t said it aloud, he wants me so badly that he’s willing to take me however he can get me, even if that means sharing me with Luca, which is not what he wants to do. And Luca – he knows how to fight for himself, knows how to ask for what he wants, to insist upon it.

But Jackson…

And I can’t…suddenly, I can’t anymore. I can’t insist on both of them letting me have them forever, even if it’s what I want, because it’s just not fair. If it’s not what they want, not what they can give, then it’s not fair.

“Fine,” I say, my lip shaking and my eyes filling with tears as I raise my chin and move my eyes back to my brother. “Fine. I’ll…I’ll choose. If that’s what’s fair, then that’s what I’ll do.”