Chapter 195

The next few hours move strangely, some minutes flying by so quickly that I’m shocked to see the clock when I next glance up, others dripping by so slowly that it agonizes me. Dad organized us quickly, gathering everyone involved in the military together, including us Cadets. He calls in a few of his military advisors as well, wanting their opinions, but he fields suggestions from the rest of us as if we’re just as much a part of it.

I keep my mouth shut more than the others, listening and considering, not really feeling like I have anything to add. But Jackson and Rafe surprise me especially, chirping in with shockingly helpful suggestions and rather brilliant insights regarding our future plans. Mom, Cora, Juniper, Mark, and Daph all do what they can to pitch in and help out, even if they aren’t directly engaged in the conversation. Isntead, they arrange for meals to be brought up and ensure that the military minds all have paper and pens and maps and schematics and everything else that we need to work.

But eventually, even the most stoic amongst us grow exhausted. And our time runs short.

Dad glances up at the clock, its hands showing that it’s well past midnight. “All right,” he murmurs, his chin pressed between the fingers of one hand. “I’m calling it. Everyone get a few hours of sleep. You all,” he says, eyeing his advisors, “I’ll see in the morning.”

We break up then and I stretch my hands over my head as I watch everyone begin to move, stretching tired limbs. We made some important, big decisions tonight, but the one that affects me most directly is the choice to call the Cadets back to school the day after the Midwinter holiday. It was a choice that surprised me, but which Rafe argued made sense.

“It’s a military academy,” he had said, his hands spread wide, his voice angry at the protestations against the idea. “Not a repository for charming young schoolboys. We should be preparing to serve – as reinforcements, if not active duty. Though honestly, I’d argue for the latter.”

My eyebrows had gone up at this – me? My brother, my cousin, my mates, my friends – on the war front? God, I mean, I knew that’s where this was heading –

But so soon?

For better or worse, my father and Roger had agreed, and the decree had gone out quietly to Cadets and their families. The rest of the nation will be informed about the increased Atalaxian threat the day after the holiday, at my mother’s insistence.

As people begin to stand and stretch, my eyes start to search the room, looking for my mates. Jackson, I’m interested to see, stands with his arms crossed, speaking quietly with my dad, and brother, and Roger. But Luca…

I turn around, frowning a bit, searching for him. And I go still when I find him standing at the door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, his eyes on me. Looking utterly exhausted.

Immediately, I make my way across the room to him.

“Luca,” I murmur, frowning and reaching up for his face. He hesitates for a second but then lets me touch him, leaning his cheek into my palm.

“I have to go, Ariel,” he murmurs. “I am…exhausted, and my mom and Gran are going to be so worried about me.”

I bite my lip, not wanting him to leave, but…well. He has a family – I’m not his entire world. But still, I can’t let him go without knowing.

“What happened, Luca?” I ask quietly, searching his face. “With my dad?”

He just sighs, hard, his eyes drifting shut. “He told me what I needed to hear,” he replies, frustration lining his words – but I can tell that it’s only at himself.

I murmur his name, pressing myself closer, wanting to comfort him. Because I’ve been on the receiving end of some of dad’s lectures before and it is…not at all pleasant. Still, Luca looks…shattered. Like his whole world turned upside down.

Luca wraps a single arm around me, tender and soft, his fingers tracing lightly the dip of my spine. He touches me like he’s not sure if he should, like I’m a treasure forbidden to him. And I frown, hating it, pressing myself closer, letting my weight fall against his, letting him feel that I’m real, and warm, and that he’s mine.

He lets me, just for a moment, before he stands up straight and opens his eyes, obliging me to take a step back. “Can I take you out tomorrow?” he asks softly, looking down into my eyes. “I’m sorry, I want to stay tonight, but,” he lifts a hand and briefly scrubs it down his face. I follow the line of it, taking in the stubble on his cheeks, the circles starting under his eyes. “I…I need to sleep. In my own tiny, pathetic, childhood bed.”

I grin a little, thinking of him curled up in it. But then I think about what he’s requested. “Tomorrow?” I ask, biting my lip a bit. “On…Midwinter Eve? Luca…why don’t you just come here for the party?”

He sighs and looks down at me, quickly shaking his head, letting me know that…plans have changed. “Just for a few hours, Ariel, in the afternoon. Just…an hour before sunset, and an hour after.”

I hesitate again, knowing that it’s going to be hard – mom, she makes a big deal out of Midwinter, and even if things will be strained this year I know she’s going to need my help. But when I look up into Luca’s eyes, and see how badly he needs this…

“Okay,” I say, nodding, letting my hand fall from his face and trailing it down the length of its arm. “For a little bit, yeah. And then I have to get back.”

“Thank you,” Luca whispers. Then he dips a quick kiss to my mouth and turns, heading out the door. I blink, kind of surprised at the speed at which he left, staring after him.

When I turn back to my family, I can tell that they’re pretending to not notice how quickly Luca bailed after our official dismissal. Jackson, in particular, keeps himself distracted. But Daphne raises an eyebrow at me, asking if I’m okay. I give her a quick nod, because I am.

I am. Of course I am. What’s mate drama, after all, when your nation is on the brink of destruction?

I exhale a long breath, smoothing my hands down over my dress as I head back to the group at the center of the room just in time to catch a kiss from Cora as she and Roger and Jesse make their goodbyes. Jesse tosses me a wink and I give him a small smile as he goes.

“What’s the plan?” I ask my mom quietly.

“Bed,” she says with a sigh, reaching out and pulling me into a brisk hug. “Unless you need something?”

“No,” I say quietly, shaking my head.

“Don’t let it stress you, baby,” mom says, giving my shoulder a squeeze as she reaches out a hand for Juniper, pulling her up out of the armchair where she’s dozing. “We’ve been in worse spots as a nation. We’ll get out of this too.”

I nod, smiling at her, believing it. She moves away, she and dad shepherding Mark and Juniper to bed. My eyes immediately move to Ben, Rafe, Daphne, and Jackson – the only people left.

“So, what,” Rafe says quietly, raising an eyebrow as the last door snicks shut and the room falls quiet. “Do we stay up and drink away our sorrows? Or sleep ‘em off?”

“Bed,” Ben and Daphne say immediately, and I laugh at their simultaneity as the two look at each other and grin.

“Bed it is, with a little nightcap to send us off right,” Rafe murmurs, heading over to the bar and prepping five glasses of whiskey. Jackson goes over to help, knowing that though Rafe has big hands, he’s only got two of them.

“A literal night cap,” Daphne murmurs. “That’s…cute.”

I nod to her but then catch Ben’s eye, nodding intently to my left, asking for a moment.

He sighs, like he knew it was coming, and steps aside with me. Daphne lets us, not asking any questions and moving over to the bar with Rafe and Jackson, because she’s both canny and a gem.

“Ariel,” Ben sighs, shaking his head. “Please –“

“Ben, cut it,” I snap, crossing my arms and giving him a little glare. “Something is up with you – you almost passed out last night at the fight, and today you were all sweaty again after the meeting! What the hell is going on with you!?” I step forward, sniffing him a little, my eyes narrowing. “Are you like…sick?”

“What,” he mutters, looking anxiously around as he gives me a tiny shove on the shoulder and pushes me away. “Do you think you could smell it if I was?”

“Well, maybe!” I snap back. But then my face falls, and my heart fills. “Benny, if you’re sick, I’ll go get mom – she can heal like, anything! It’s easy –“

“Ariel,” Ben sighs, dropping his voice lower and speaking through his teeth. “I’m not sick, all right?”

My eyes go wide. “Then you know what’s…wrong with you?”

“Yes, I know what’s wrong. Can we please drop it?”

“What is it!?” I gasp, worried and quite desperate to know. “Benny, you don’t look healthy –“

“I’m fine!”

“You’re not!” I give him a little shove now, getting angry about it.

Because whatever it is, Ben is determined to keep it a secret. But I am just as determined to find out.