Chapter 202

Luca looks off into the fire now, his arm heavy around my shoulders, as he confesses what might be his deepest truth. “I’m very afraid, Ariel, that I don’t have any substance at all. That I’m just flash, and that the moment I run out of interesting twists and turns that…everyone will see that I’m just a fraud. And that I’m boring, and never will do anything interesting or important. And that…you’ll see that too.”

My heart sinks to hear Luca say this because I couldn’t believe anything less to be true of my sweet, brash mate. I scootch closer, not protesting because…well, he told me a secret, didn’t he? And I don’t want to immediately throw that in his face by telling him that it’s not true.

But I know he can feel it, down our bond, in every pulse of my heart. That that’s not at all how I see him.

And he groans a little, and grits his teeth, and lowers his forehead to press against mine. “You’re too good for me in every single way, Ariel Sinclair,” he murmurs, shaking his head slightly. “It took me way…way too long to realize that. But your dad…really helped me see it. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life endeavoring to deserve you. Whatever it takes.”

“Luca,” I say, mournful now, because – I mean, whatever my dad said to him, it was clearly too much. Luca was beat up by it and has lowered himself too far.

“Ariel, please –“

“No,” I say, definitive, pulling my face away from his and looking clearly into his eyes. “You said your part, now I get to say mine.”

Luca sighs but nods, recognizing the fairness in that.

“I know you’re not going to believe me if I say that none of that is true,” I whisper, looking up into his brown eyes. “Because I am…biased.”

He smirks a little, because that would indeed have been his argument.

I smile in turn, unable to help it. “But listen to me, Grant,” I say, a little growl in my voice as I lean forward and wrap my hand around his scarf, pulling his face a little closer to mine. He grins at me, I think entertained at my minute ferocity. “You may doubt my opinion on the matter, but the goddess?” I shake my had. “She doesn’t make mistakes. And she doesn’t give mating bonds between mismatches.”

Luca’s smile grows, but he doesn’t say anything, not wanting to fight me on it.

“You do deserve me,” I whisper, nodding to him. “You don’t need to endeavor to do it. Even if…well, even if you do need to behave better in the future.”

I loosen my grip on his scarf, but he just smiles at me and lifts his hand to stroke over my cap and then down my back. “To treat you like the very literal goddess you are,” he murmurs.

I laugh a little, wondering where he got that idea. “Well, I mean,” I say, shrugging, a little uncomfortable with the idea. “Demigoddess, at best.”

Luca laughs, and leans forward to kiss me, and I wrap my arms eagerly around his neck, glad to have him close again – glad to have my mate back, for everything to be okay between us.

We kiss for what feels like a moment, but what must actually be a rather long time, because when Luca pulls away and I open my eyes I realize that it’s quite a bit darker than it was when I closed them.

“I really am going to try, Ariel,” he whispers, leaning close to give me a little peck. “I promise.”

“Okay,” I whisper, nodding to him even as I turn my eyes towards the fire, resting my head on his shoulder. The bonfire is raging now, leaping up towards the sky, and my skin shivers with delight as I hear the flames crackle. I smile as my eyes take in the ragged red edges against the black starry sky, the bright yellows and whites down by the logs at the center.

“Do you like it?” he asks, lifting his chin towards the bonfire.

“I love it,” I reply, breathy. But then I frown, looking up at him. “You never answered my question, though. Why did you bring me to this?”

He smiles down. “Because I intuited you’d love it, little pyromaniac princess.”

I burst into laugher, sitting up straight.

“What,” he says, grinning at me, “you always tend the fires at school, and insist on building one, even when it’s stifling hot in that room –“

“I so do not!”

“You do,” he insists, raising a critical eyebrow at me, and I scowl before leaning back against him and tacitly admitting it. But…well, a fire is nice! And I like it when the bricks on the fireplace stay hot all night and warm my little nook.

“But beyond feeding your rather worrying preoccupation with flame,” Luca says, a little dry, making me laugh, “I brought you here because…I’ve been trying, for twenty-four hours, at least, to…go back to my roots. To remember things that make me feel…real. And not like a fraud.”

I ignore the parts about him being a fraud because I know he doesn’t want to have that fight right now – me insisting that he’s not, and him having to dig further into his current state of self-loathing to insist that he is. So, I focus on the other thing that he said.

“So, this,” I say, raising my chin at the bonfire, at the small community gathered around it – simply enjoying being together, and having a few drinks, and laughing and singing in the firelight. “This makes you feel real?”

“It does,” he says on a tiny sigh. “We used to come here every year – to this fire. Mom…we lived alone, in a little apartment, before we went to live with Gran. After…after dad left. And we didn’t have a lot – mom says we survived on crumbs and pride, and we laugh about it now but…the reality wasn’t too funny.”

My heart swells with pain, and I try to keep it from the bond because I want Luca to tell me these things, even if I know that his core instinct is to just tuck this part of himself away, his dark memories, his sadness. But I pull my mitten off, and wrap my hand around the back of his neck beneath his scarf, wanting to feel my skin on his.

Just for a moment. Just so he knows I’m real, and I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.

Luca smiles at me. “Yeah,” he says, laughing a little, his brashness coming back as he pretends that the memory doesn’t hurt him as much as it does. “Dark days, then. But we’d always come here at Christmas, and…you know, there was always something to eat. And mom would have some drinks, and I’d run around with the other neighborhood kids, and it was always…”

He gets a little choked up, and I press myself close to his side when I see silver line his eyes.

“It was always a good night,” he murmurs, looking out towards the fire, pretending not to notice the little tear that drifts down his cheek.

I do my very, very best not to cry. And I only fail a little bit, but Luca just laughs and wipes my tears away with his thumb. “I’m very grateful to you, Ariel,” he murmurs gently as he does. “For…helping me figure out who I really am. Even if I’m not there yet.”

“You’re magnificent, Luc,” I murmur, taking his cheeks between my hands and pressing a serious kiss to his mouth. “Thank you for letting me in.”

He gives me a wink, some of his cheeky confidence coming back. “Anytime.”

Someone clears their throat behind me, and we both look back to see one of my bodyguards stepping close. He looks significantly at his watch, letting me know that time has run short. Has probably run fully away with me, if I’m being realistic.

I sigh as I look back at Luca.

“Let’s get you home, Gorgeous,” he says, giving me a sly grin and a final kiss before he stands and helps me up.