Chapter 253
“All right. I just…have very little time alone with you now, Ariel,” Luca says, straightening up and slipping his hands into his pockets as he, apparently, adjusts himself to the knowledge that his time-share deal with Jackson is apparently dead. “At least, time without him around. And that’s…difficult for me.”
“It’s difficult for me too,” I say quietly, my eyes going a little wide when I see the sadness on his face, hating it. “But…I mean, at school I have very little time for…anything. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time alone with you, Luca, I just…don’t know when that would be.”
“Well, do you think we could meet in the dream state more?” he says quietly, taking a hand from his pocket and casting it out in front of him, seeking some medium ground. “We haven’t done that in a while and –“
“No,” I say instantly, knowing that it’s impossible, shaking my head.
Luca’s eyes go wide as he stares at me, completely shocked by my answer.
And inside, I know that in terms of giving my mates equal time with me, I’m being completely unfair.
But honestly, the idea of laying physically in bed with Jackson while I meet with Luca in the dream forest, where there’s another bed? And do…the things that we do there?
No. I feel, immediately, a little sick at the idea.
Luca, I see, starts to put together the pieces as I do, his mouth falling open a little bit. “So,” he sputters out – not so much angry now as feeling incredibly sad, and jealous, and a little betrayed, “Jackson still gets nights and I get…nothing?”
My heart breaks as I feel his emotions coming down the bond, as I see the horrible expression on his face. My mouth opens, my throat clicking a little in my eagerness to say something to make it better – anything – but what –
God, maybe he should have some time in the dreamscape – maybe – maybe I should spend some nights with him instead –
But my wolf nips me again – harder this time – and I physically flinch.
No, she growls, fierce. You tell him the truth. He had no trouble telling you what he wanted, after all, even when it upset you. Now it’s your turn.
I slowly close my mouth as I realize that she’s…completely right. And while I hated when Luca did that to me…there has to come a time when I tell Luca, honestly, what I really want right now.
“Luca, I’m really sorry if this is hard to hear,” I say, pressing both of my hands to my chest as my voice cracks with the terrible emotion that I’m feeling right now, “but…my wolf wants me to spend my nights with Jackson right now.”
Luca just gapes at me further, going a little pale.
“I mean,” I say, a little desperate to make it better, taking a step towards him, “you and I had so much time in the dream state alone – for months, before Jackson even knew I was his mate! And –“
“Ariel,” Luca says, shaking his head from side to side, his own voice tight as he stares at me, willing me to see how this is totally different. I wasn’t splitting time then. And I’m not now – but for a totally different reason.
And I stop my words, hanging my head a little and taking a deep breath, working hard to stay steady in my convictions. “I’m sorry, Luca,” I say quietly. “This is…what I want right now – what my wolf wants. At least for the foreseeable future. It’s what my wolf is telling me is right.”
She gives a fierce little yip in my soul, I think attempting to bolster me.
Luca drops his head, heaving a deep sigh, raising a hand to cover his eyes. He stays that way for a long moment, shutting down the flow of emotions down our bond, clearly adjusting to this new reality and finding a way to deal with it.
I stand perfectly still, watching him, waiting, desperate. God, I’m not sure if I’m even breathing.
But then Luca heaves a sudden sigh and drops his hand, and stands up straight, and opens his arms to me. “Come here,” he whispers.
I close the distance in an instant, my arms wrapping tight around his waist as he folds his around my shoulders, pulling me close, ducking his head so that he rests his cheek against my cap.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his chest. “I know that this isn’t want you wanted.”
“It’s okay,” he murmurs back. “What I want is…not the most important thing. I just…feel like I’m losing you, Ariel.”
“What?” I gasp, whipping my head up to look at him.
He shakes his head sorrowfully at me, raising a hand to trace his thumb across my cheek. “I don’t want you to feel bad. I probably shouldn’t have said anything –“
“Of course you should, Luca,” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears. “You’re allowed to have your emotions too – and I want to hear them –“
He just shakes his head again, his mouth a determined line. “You’re growing closer to him. I guess I…didn’t think that would happen – thought that when you spent time with him you’d realize he’s dull as a brick and then come running back to me. But…he’s not, and you’re not. And it’s just…terrifying to me. I don’t want to lose you, Ari.”
“You’re not losing me,” I whisper, pressing myself closer to him, looking desperately up into his face. “I’m right here.”
“I know, gorgeous,” he murmurs, and he traces his thumb over my cheek one more time before he dips his head and kisses me softly. “Just…let me stick around too, okay? While you explore whatever this is with him? And…maybe don’t kiss him in front of me?”
“You got it, Luca,” I say, starting to smile a little, hope burgeoning in me that…that maybe this could work.
“And maybe I could…come to your Blaze workouts?” he whispers. “As long as I’m not a distraction, and he doesn’t mind?”
I nod eagerly, loving the idea of having something that’s just for Luca and I, absent of everyone else.
“Good,” he murmurs, dropping one last kiss to my mouth and then heaving a sigh as he pushes up from the wall, taking me with him so that we’re both standing straight, holding each other tight. “Come on, Shrimp,” he says with a sigh, loosening his grip on me but keeping on arm around my shoulder as he turns towards the door. “Let’s go have dinner with your family and your other boyfriend. And Ben.”
I laugh a little, though I’m still shaken emotionally, kind of unbelieving that this is…all coming together. That Luca not only didn’t lose his temper but…agreed.
Luca pushes open the door and lets his arm fall from my shoulder as the two of us step inside. As one, everyone in the room turns to stare at us.
Jesse, useful as always, breaks the silence by pointing sharply at Rafe. “I stopped him from eating your garlic bread. You’re welcome.”
Rafe just scowls. “They never even would have known that there was garlic bread if there was none left on the table – it was a victimless crime –“
“No way,” Luca says, crossing the room with me and taking his spot in his usual seat which I notice that Jackson has interestingly vacated in order to move to my side of the couch. “I’m Itablio, man, and a wolf. You know I can smell the presence of garlic bread from a mile away.” Almost cheerfully, Luca reaches for his plate as I settle down on a pillow on the floor next to Ben.
Ben gives me a wink as he slides my dinner over to me and my stomach growls audibly as I take it.
“So!” Jacks says, his voice booming out in the room a little, apparently forcing the conversation on for all of our sake as I wrap some spaghetti around my fork and take a big bite. “Anyone…do anything…interesting today?”
He grimaces a little, realizing that he is very, very bad at this.
But Ben chimes in, ever a good conversationalist, and lets us in on the on-goings of the Ambassador track, including the potential to have a conversation with actual ambassadors to Atalaxia next week, about which he’s incredibly excited.
As Ben details the opportunity, I don’t miss the way that Rafe reaches out a hand to clap Luca warmly on the shoulder, murmuring something soft that sounds a great deal like “good man.”
And my heart warms as Luca smiles, concentrating on his plate, apparently making himself get used to our very strange, slightly awkward, new dinner crew.
But even as I feel a little awkward, my wolf pounces around excitedly within my heart like an eager pup. And for her sake, I can’t help but smile as I stab a meatball on my plate and eat it whole.
