Chapter 314

“When I was a kid,” Luca whispers, still not looking at me. “My wolf was…wild. Completely out of control.”

My hand tightens around his arm in what I hope is an encouraging gesture.

“He would just…flip out,” Luca whispers. “Make me do all sorts of insane things. Like I would just…shift. In the kindergarten classroom.” He glances over at me, I think embarrassed to say it. “And just run around tearing things to pieces. When I could hold back the shift – which was rare - he would just constantly howl in my mind and distract me and do all sorts of ridiculous stuff. It was…horrible. And everyone knew.”

I think back, as Luca takes a moment to collect his thoughts, to all the times when Luca has told me about his troubled childhood, how angry he was after his dad left, how alone and trouble he felt. But I hadn’t realized that his wolf had been part of it.

“My uncle helped me,” Luca said, sniffing hard and raising a hand to wipe at his face. “It was the only thing that worked, and it was way too late,” he shakes his head. “A strict regimen. Working out so much before and after school that I didn’t have the energy to shift. And then keeping a strict, strict leash on my wolf,” he says, turning to me, his eyes sad, almost as if he knows what I’m thinking when he says that.

Because a leash on my wolf…god, the thought of it. I mean, I know wolves need discipline so that we can live normal lives but…leashed? My wolf shakes her fur at the thought of it and I run a mental hand over her sweet face, down her neck.

Never, never, I whisper to her. And she licks my hand once before turning back to the wall, licking that too.

“You don’t understand,” Luca murmurs, hanging his head again, shaking it. “I’m…I’m chaos, without my wolf under strict control. And I’m not letting him out around you.”

“Out from where?” I whisper, desperate to know.

“From…deep down,” Luca murmurs, frowning at the words as he says them. “Where I…keep him.”

Something horrible pangs in me as I realize that that’s how Luca’s been containing his wolf since childhood. That he didn’t go to a therapist, as my brother Mark did when his own wolf was rambunctious and disruptive, learning how to talk and negotiate and understand his wolf’s needs, balancing them with his own. That instead Luca just…shoved his wolf down by force. Made him submit.

“Luca,” I say, lifting my head to look him steadily in the eyes. “Take down the wall.”

“Ariel,” he growls, shaking his head vehemently. “I can’t –“

“Take it down,” I say, soft. And when he doesn’t move, I reach for him, cupping his cheek in my palm, leaning close. “You’re my mate,” I whisper. “You’re mine, which means he’s mine too. Take down the wall.”

Luca pauses, not even breathing.

And then, with a long and shuddering breath, the wall at the other end of my bond with Luca crumbles to the ground. My wolf rises to her feet and softly pads forward, her head low, searching.

But fortunately, it doesn’t take long to find him – despite Luca’s insistence that his wolf is tucked away, deep down…the poor darling wants to be found.

My wolf head turns instantly when she hears his soft whine, her eyes narrowing as she peers into the darkness towards the sound. When the whine sounds again and she trots forward, sniffing hard, searching.

And it’s only when her paw lands on soft fur that she looks down and realizes that he’s…right there. As we peer into the darkness, Luca’s breath catches in his throat as two rich brown eyes open in his soul and his wolf peers up at mine, frightened.

“Oh, Luca,” I sigh, reaching for him, climbing into his lap as my wolf lowers her muzzle and nudges his wolf, just behind the ear, encouraging him to stand up.

“Don’t, Ari,” Luca whispers, shaking his head even as he wraps his arms tight around me, frightened. “He’s going to hurt her.”

“Oh, don’t worry about my wolf,” I murmur, raising my head and running my fingers through his soft hair. “She’s made of tough stuff.”

“Still –“

“Shh,” I say, continuing to scratch his scalp softly with my nails but resting my head against his and closing my eyes, concentrating on our wolves.

Slowly, Luca’s wolf gets to his feet and my wolf peers curiously at him as he stumbles a few steps, like he hasn’t gotten up in a long time, and then shakes himself. My wolf steps back a bit, surprised to see that he’s…he’s covered in mud, or whatever the equivalent of that in Luca’s soul is. She steps forward, sniffing, giving him a little nudge.

But Luca’s wolf snarls, turning to snap at her, and Luca goes tense beside me. I just shush softly to him as my own wolf snaps back, narrowing her eyes and telling him with her body language to back the hell off. Luca’s wolf goes still, I think fascinated by mine, not used to being stood up to and not punished in the same breath.

My wolf trots around Luca’s, then, taking in the colors of his sandy brown fur, which is lank and matted, noting the awkward way that he stands, like he hasn’t run or gamboled or played in years. And then she gets back to where she started, right in front of him.

“So what have you been doing, Luca?” I whisper quietly, stroking his hair. “Just…tucking him away? Living as human a life as you can?”

“I let him out when I box,” Luca murmurs, leaning into my fingers. “When I need the rage. But keeping him contained – Ariel, you’ve only me calm, collected, even-tempered Luca.”

I pull back a bit, raising an eyebrow at him, which makes grin a little, though there’s a great deal of shame in it. “Yeah,” he murmurs, leaning close. “So…just imagine what I’m like when my wolf’s not under control.”

Luca’s wolf stands stark still as mine slowly raises her snout and then, very carefully, presses the tip of her nose to his. Luca’s wolf stops breathing, and then so does Luca, as my wolf takes a very deliberate step forward and presses her face against his neck, nuzzling warm against him and using her snout to knock free some of the dirt that’s matted in his fur.

Luca’s arms tense around me as his wolf growls at mine, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to respond except to warn her off, tell her to get away. But she ignores him, continuing her work, pressing herself cozily against his side and getting her scent all over him, knocking some of that dust loose. Even when he lowers his snout and nips at her rear, she just responds in kind and doesn’t back away, letting him know that she’s not afraid.

In my arms, Luca begins to cry.

And in our souls, the wolves connect. My wolf nudges Luca teasingly with her nose and then darts away, falling into a play stance with her front half low to the ground while her tail twitches in the air. His wolf huffs a laugh and takes a few gamboling steps towards her – but he stops, and hesitates, looking around, knowing it’s not allowed. Waiting to be pushed back down, to be shoved away.

“Let them,” I whisper, my voice ringing softly with joy to see Luca’s wolf free.

And then my wolf gives a daring yip and spins, dashing off into the darkness, bidding him follow. And Luca’s wolf can’t resist, letting out a shaking howl and then setting off after her into the woods that form for them, space for them to run.

I recognize the woods, almost instantly, as those of our dreamscape. The place where our wolves should play together, and in which they never have. I press my mouth together, incredibly sorry that I never noticed – but Luca and I, we found each other first, before I ever met Jackson in our cliffside space and realized that it was as much a space for our wolves as it is for us. But of course it is – what else is a magical dream state for, except to connect in our souls?

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, lifting my head and looking into Luca’s face as our wolves dash through the forest, as the mud and dirt starts to shed itself from his wolf’s fur. “I should have noticed sooner.”

But he just shakes his head, and leans forward, bringing his mouth again to mine.

And as he kisses me, all I can feel down the bond is gratitude – gratitude for seeing him, for believing in a different way to treat one’s soul, for not being afraid. But also his fear – that now that he’s wolf’s unleashed that…bad things are going to happen.

I just kiss him back, letting him feel my love, my warmth, my affection. The confidence that we can do this together.

How could I be afraid of you, I murmur to him, mind-to-mind. You’re mine. You’re me – us. And I’ll never let you go.

Luca just sighs, and wraps his arms tighter, holding me close to his chest and tucking me beneath his chin as our wolves continue to run themselves out, nipping and playing as they go. And as we sit quietly in the woods, just holding each other – I have to admit that with this breakthrough, I’ve never felt closer to him.