Chapter 339

“Hey,” Luca says, giving me a small smile and wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we, too, start towards the castle. “That was insane, as usual.”

“Luca,” I say quietly, looking up at him, brushing off the niceties. “What’s wrong?”

His face tenses and he looks away from me. “Nothing’s wrong.”

I stop in my tracks, not letting him do this. “Luca.”

He sighs and looks back at me. “What do you want me to say, Ariel?”

“I want you to say the truth, Luca,” I reply, staring up at him. “You don’t like this. I can tell that you don’t like this. And you can’t just…hold it in and be silent about it. You’re part of this and you’re my mate – I need to know where you stand.”

Luca huffs a little, looking down at me. “I do like it –“

I take a deep breath, looking up into his face, shaking my head. Because he’s lying and we both know it.

He groans, turning away from me for a moment, putting his hands on his hips and hanging his head. I give him the time, letting him put his thoughts together.

“What do you want me to say, Ariel?” he asks. “I’m not part of your little magic group – I haven’t been one of the ones who’s been talking about magic all semester, experimenting with it. I’ve been actively excluded from that group for months and then I’m summoned by your mom and all of a sudden you ask me to hold your hand and there’s a fire tornado?” He turns back to me, his eyes worried and hurt. “Yeah, I’m a little freaked out by it all!”

I bite my lip, a little at war with myself. Because quite suddenly I’m aware of what Tony pointed out earlier – that Luca here is feeling very real emotions, and he’s allowed to be freaked out by the magic. But he is again making this all about him.

There’s no support for or recognition of the incredible things that I did yesterday and today. It’s just…all about what he feels.

Suddenly, I very much want my mom to send that therapist to the school as fast as she can. Because I am way, way out of my depth regarding how to talk to him and not get bowled over.

“I’m really sorry that you feel that way, Luca,” I say quietly. “But I’ll do whatever I can in the future to ensure that you’re included. And I’m sorry if I didn’t fight for you to be included before – but I didn’t know that we could do this. I’ll try to do better in the future.”

I reach for him then, and he takes my hands and pulls me close. “It’s okay.”

“I’d like your support too, though,” I say, my throat tight. Because I honestly feel like I’m kicking him when he’s down, and I’m not used to advocating for myself and…this is really hard.

He looks up at me in surprise. “What? Do you…do you seriously think that I don’t support you?”

“I think you want to,” I say quietly. “But when I think you could have come and talked to me about how you were feeling last night instead of just sending me a note. And I think you could be more excited for me at this development, instead of standing around quietly with your jaw clenched.”

“I needed space last night,” Luca says, gasping a little. “I’m allowed to take space!”

“You are,” I say, gritting my teeth for a moment against the urge to just agree with him and make him feel better. “But it made me feel really, really sad and worried that you didn’t come to dinner last night without taking a minute to explain it to me and check in on how it made me feel. And today – I can tell you don’t like the magic and we should talk about why. But I shouldn’t have to railroad you into that conversation, Luca…I would hope that you’d want to talk to me about it.”

Luca sighs and drops my hands, putting his arms around my shoulders instead and resting his cheek against my head. “Okay,” he says. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way.”

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him close.

But even as I do, I find my wolf turning away from our bond, not wanting to move down it and nudge the wall that we both feel built up again on the other side. Because it’s too much – a great deal of effort from us, as always, to ensure he’s okay. And very little in return from him.

“I’ll try harder,” Luca whispers, giving me a squeeze and turning me back towards the castle. “I really will. But now, let’s go get you some sustenance, yeah? Probably burned a lot of calories with that fire.”

I just murmur my consent, walking back to the castle with Luca and chatting idly, wishing desperately that he’d truly let me in.

But considering that wall that’s up between us again?

God, I just don’t know if we’re ever going to get there.

We spend the evening celebrating a variety of victories – Tony’s top marks, Rafe’s great win, Jesse’s first command, and my continuing enrollment at Alpha Academy by dint of fire tornado. A great deal of contraband whiskey goes around with lots of merriment and jokes – but the best part?

The best part comes when everyone leaves and I crawl across the bed and collapse over Jackson’s bare chest.

His breath all leaves him in a woosh before he laughs and wraps me up against him, kicking a foot out and knocking the curtain off its hook so that it slides shut and leaves us in darkness.

“I’m tired,” I mutter, letting myself go limp against him.

“Yes, you had a long day,” he murmurs.

“Yeah,” I say with a sigh, snuggling against him. “Was a traitor. Shot my mate and turned his command over to my cousin. Lost my virginity. Got my mini mark,” I hold up my finger as proof, making him laugh. “Yelled at my Captain and got expelled. Started a fire and reversed my expulsion.”

“Busy girl,” he murmurs, dropping a kiss to my head. “What was the best part?”

“The mini mark,” I say on a satisfied sigh, holding up my finger again.

He laughs sincerely but then growls, wanting a better answer. I grin and sit up, letting my legs fall naturally on either side of him. “No, Jacks, you know what my favorite part was. Of course it was.”

“It was really important to me,” he murmurs, raising a hand and cupping my cheek in his palm. I sigh happily, resting my head there. “I didn’t want you to think that I let it get overshadowed, or that I thought it was just something that happened. It was…probably one of the most important moments of my life.”

“Me too,” I say, utterly sincere. We stare at each other for a long moment before I lower myself softly to his chest so that our faces are very close in the dark. “I love you very much, Jackson. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making that abundantly clear.”

His whole face softens with his emotions and I can feel down the bond that he feels precisely the same. “I regret it now,” he murmurs, letting his eyes drift down to my neck and lifting a hand to the spot. “I should have given you the mark. I’m sorry. I mean, it would have made this whole day even harder because everyone would have flipped - but marking you should have been more important –“

“It’s okay,” I whisper, grinning at him. “Next time.”

He nods, moving his eyes back to mine. “Next time,” he whispers.

Then I gasp a little, remembering something. “OH!”

I bounce away from him, reaching from my dresser and rifling through one of the drawers.

“What on earth are you doing?” Jackson asks, propping himself up on his elbows and frowning at me.

“Looking for…this!” I say, proudly producing the little brown bottle my mom gave me and crawling back to Jacks, reclaiming my spot straddling his stomach. I hold it out to him so he can see.

“What is it?” he asks, confused.

“Birth control,” I say, pulling it back and unscrewing the top.

“Oh,” he says, his eyes going wide. “Where did you get that?”

“Mom,” I say with a shrug. “She likes to be practical.” He watches me quite seriously as I raise the bottle to my lips, but the grim set of his mouth makes me pause. “Unless you…wait, do you not want me to take this?”

He blinks at me. “What?”

My eyes go wide. “I mean, if I don’t, there is a…very real possibility of a little baby McClintock in six months.”

Jackson goes very pale, making me grin. “No, you should definitely drink it.”

I laugh a little, taking a sip like my mom instructed me and then re-screwing the cap and tossing it back in the drawer. Jackson’s eyes follow the bottle and then he reaches for me, pulling me close as I settle again close to him.

“Does it hurt you at all?” he murmurs. “To take that?”

“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Mom says it’s very gentle, that I shouldn’t notice anything.”

I smile a little, because I can hear him frowning. “Should…I take some? Does it work on guys?”

“I don’t know,” I say, turning my head and considering it. “Should we ask Jesse? He’s a hussy, apparently – he’d have an idea –“

Jackson laughs and wraps me up tight. “No, leave him in peace,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my hair. “I want you all to myself a little while longer.”

“Me too,” I whisper, snuggling up warm against my mate, who brings me such joy and peace. And incredible amounts of physical pleasure, apparently. “Meet me in the dream state, though,” I murmur, sleepy. “I want to try something.”

“Yes ma’am,” Jackson murmurs, tucking his hand beneath my pajama top and running his palm, warm and possessive, all the way down my back, letting me know that he, too, has plans for when he gets me alone on that cliffside.