Chapter 354

I lean hard against Jackson, half awake.

We’re given the rest of the day to rest with plans to ship us back to school that night. Most of my fellow Cadets and friends sleep in the tents provided for us, but I’m unable to find rest. Instead I just sit in a weird little waking coma of grief, staring into space a lot, thinking about Tony, considering how terribly unfair this world is. Hating this stupid, ridiculous war.

Hating Atalaxia most of all.

Ben comes back and we all stay close, but Jackson stays by my side like a burr. Luca too, but not in the same way Jackson does – Jacks, he tries to hide it by dampening our bond, but he’s so, so worried about me, even as I assure him again and again that I’m fine – or, at least, that I will be. He believes me – I know that he does – but still, there’s not a moment when he’s not touching me, bringing me water and snacks, predicting my needs even before I can think to want something.

Dad and Roger get on a video call with mom and Cora at some point and glance my way, talking low about bringing me back to the city for a day or two to rest and process this –

But I end that idea immediately, insisting that I’m going back to school with the rest.

“Ari,” Dad sighs, turning to me. “We’re not pulling you out – you could just rest, let your mom take care of you for a day.”

“Why aren’t you offering this to anyone else!?” I snap, casting out a hand towards all of my friends and family still in the tent with us but encompassing all the other Cadets in their tents too. “We all lost Tony, but I’m the only one you’re offering a luxury suite in the capital. Is it because I’m a girl? Because if so –“

“We’re offering it,” Roger interrupts, crossing his arms and glaring at me a little. “Because you may need it, Ariel. Don’t accuse us of things that you know aren’t true.”

I sigh, and hang my head, and Jackson quietly strokes my back.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur, shaking my head and looking at the floor. “But I want to go back to school. I want…I want to work.”

“I understand,” dad says, and I look up to see him giving me a serious nod.

Then he turns away to have a serious chat with Rafe and Jesse about measures they need to take to keep me safe at school, especially since Gibson slipped under our suspicion that whole time.

A few scant hours after that, I’m climbing the steps onto the train. Dad somehow got the luxury royal caboose sent in time so that I could stretch out and get some rest on the way back to school, but I just cry again the moment I step through the door, remembering that we weren’t close enough with Tony at Midwinter to invite him to go back to the city with us.

And so he never got to ride in it. And he should have.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jacks sighs, scooping me up into his arms and carrying me away to a corner where he bundles me up in his lap, cradles me against his chest, and holds me for hours. Ben, Jesse, Rafe, and Luca stretch out and chat quietly or doze. We ride through the night.

I spend most of the time curled up against Jacks, staring out the window at the black sky, feeling absolutely empty.

When I step out of the shower hours later I don’t really feel…better. I’m still exhausted, and sleep deprived, but…it’s nice to be clean.

When I step out into the main room and all three of my Alphas turn towards me with grim faces, though, I stop in my tracks.

“Oh no,” I say, my shoulders slumping. “What now?”

“We have to tell you something,” Jesse replies, his face sad.

My breath starts to come short.

“Ariel, please,” Jackson says, holding out a hand for me, his voice cracking with the strain of seeing me so continually sad. I cross to him, wanting his strength, feeling incredibly guilty about the fact that he also hasn’t gotten a moment of sleep because he’s been too busy worrying about and taking care of me.

Don’t, he says, right into my mind, as he takes my hand and pulls me into his lap on the couch so I can easily see Jesse and Rafe. I don’t need sleep. That’s what the magic is for.

I press a hand to his cheek and lift my chin to kiss him softly – not something I usually do in front of my brother and my cousin. But everyone lets it pass today.

“What is it?” I sigh, feeling stronger with Jackson’s support as I look over at Rafe and Jesse in the afternoon light that streams through the window.

Rafe sighs. “We have to go meet with the captain,” he says, gesturing between himself and Jacks.

“Why?” My mouth turns down in a frown because…well, because I wanted to keep them close by today.

“He wants reports on how the Cadets performed during the battle,” Jackson murmurs.

“Piss poor,” I say, nodding firmly, my eyes narrowing. “They didn’t land a single damn shot with those guns –“

“Ari!” Jesse says, his face breaking into a smile to see a bit more spirit come into me. “It’s harder than it looks –“

“It’s a big bullet and a big chopper, Jess!” I burst out, leaning forward toward him. “It was like hitting the side of a barn with a big fat tomato! Honestly, you should have just let me do it – train me on one of those big guns, I could do that with my eyes closed –“

Jesse laughs at me, shaking his head. “You arrogant little gun nut –“

“You did enough, Ari,” Rafe says, leaning back in his chair, a little smile coming to his lips. “We didn’t need you on guns too.”

“Clearly you did,” I murmur, raising an eyebrow at him and snuggling back against Jackson, who tightens his arms around me, his wolf growling his pride and support down the bond.

Rafe laughs, shaking his head. “You have to leave something for the rest of us. We can’t just sit around looking pretty.”

“But you do that so well,” I say with a sigh. And for the first time today a little smile finds my lips.

Of course, grief and guilt crashes into my little sliver of happiness immediately – because how dare I be laughing with my brother when Tony is dead and will never laugh again?

I sigh, hanging my head a little.

“We have to go downstairs for a couple of hours, Ari,” Rafe says, seeing my sadness, his voice gentle. “Jesse’s going to take you down to Daphne’s room for a bit. We figured that might be…nice.”

I nod, agreeing to it. It will be good to see her. My friends – they’re more precious to me now than they’ve ever been.

“But you’re also leaving our little bubble,” Jackson murmurs, pressing his cheek to my hair. “Which means we have to…let you in on some information.”

“What?” I say, sitting up straight and looking between them. “What information?” Dread curls in me, wicked and sharp-toothed. More news – and clearly bad news. God, I’m not sure I can take it.

“Tony wasn’t the only Cadet who was hurt,” Rafe says, meeting my eyes evenly, clearly wanting to tell me as fast as possible to alleviate my dread. “Others were hit with Atalaxian bullets when those first choppers got close, before you took them down. You remember, yes? When the medics were called?”

I go a bit cold, staring at my brother. “Who?” I ask, sharp.

“Warrior cadets,” Rafe says, “I’m not sure if you know them. One is in hospital, probably going to be attended to by mom. And two more had superficial wounds – they came home on the train with us. But Redman Blythe...”

My lip starts to tremble as I anticipate his words.

“He died, Ari,” Rafe says, even, holding my gaze. “On the battlefield, instantly. He was shot in the head.”

I clench my teeth and turn my head into Jackson’s neck. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight as I press my eyes shut, tears already leaking from them.

Because Blythe – I mean, we weren’t friends, he was nothing like what Tony was to me. But, I mean, I knew him – he drafted me –

And god, I was such a dick to him…

I groan, regretting everything, crying quietly into Jackson’s shirt as he holds me tight through it. When the worst of it passes, I turn sniffing to my brother and my cousin.

“Someone needs to tell Juniper,” I whisper, my voice still shaky.