Chapter 364

Mom’s confidence boosts me, even though it is hard to even think about what happened.

“I’m not sure I’m okay,” I say, dropping my head to look down at my glass of wine. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be…who I was. Or I’ll never not…want things to be different.” My hand drifts higher now, my palm cupping the bandage that covers my mark. It’s fully healed, I’m just…not ready to look at it yet.

“I think that makes a lot of sense, baby,” Cora says, nodding to me. “I think…this is probably one of the great tragedies of life, akin to losing a parent. You’re going to be feeling a lot of grief for a long time.”

“But you will get through it,” Daphne says, smiling softly at me and putting a hand on my knee.

I look over at her with a tremulous smile, knowing she knows what she’s talking about. And as I look around at the three women who are being so supportive, my eyes fill with tears because I know that each of their lives has been struck with tragedy.

And yet, here they are. Strong and happy, whole enough to come and help me when I need them.

My eyes fill with tears as I look around at each of them in turn – just so, so grateful.

“Oh god, she’s crying again,” Cora says, sitting up straight and reaching for one of the many bottles of wine that ring the table.

“Quick, her glass!” Mom gasps, over-dramatic, pointing to it in my hand with a shaking finger. “Fill it! Go!”

I burst out laughing, even as tears start their way down my cheeks and Cora refills my glass. “It’s fine to cry!” I protest. “That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it!?”

“Of course, baby,” mom says, leaning forward towards me. “But you can laugh too. It’s…all part of it. We just love you and want to be here with you through all of these hard first couple of hours and days. Until my little bird gets her strength back and can fly again.”

I look at her, my lips a little tremulous. “You really think that’s going to happen? That I’ll…get back on my feet?”

“Oh, trouble,” mom says, her face breaking into a little smirk. “I’m sure of it.”

“To men!” Cora says, impulsive and a little tipsy, raising her own glass. “May they all meet the violent ends they deserve for torturing our poor innocent hearts! And, in their death, leave us enough money in their wills that we can go on more spa trips.”

“Woo!” mom says, laughing and clinking her glass against Cora’s.

I laugh but then scowl around at the three of them. “Oh, please,” I say, smiling just a little. “It’s not like you three don’t have perfect relationships.”

My mom presses a hand to her heart, pretending to be aghast at such a declaration. “If you think that your father has not put me through the emotional ringer, baby –“

“Twenty years ago!” I accuse, laughing and throwing a piece of popcorn at her in turn.

“And don’t get me started on Roger,” Cora murmurs, smirking. “Bane of my existence.”

“Love of your life,” I snarl, sending popcorn her way too. She laughs and grins at me, tacitly admitting it. He does torture her, but she loves every minute.

“Well Daphne saves us, then,” mom says, gesturing toward my suspiciously quiet friend. “She and Rafe broke up, right? So it can’t be all paradise in her little sewing room, can it?”

“Oh, Rafe and Daphne broke up,” I say, a wicked smile spreading over my face. “But I suppose this means Daphne has not yet told you the provenance of a certain tiny kitten?”

As if he knows we’re talking about him – and, considering his attention-loving source of existence, that’s probably true – Mittens climbs up over the back of the couch, meowing and parading back and forth with his tail high.

Mom and Cora’s mouths drop open as they stare first at the shadow cat, and then at Daphne, who bundles him off of the back of the sofa and into her arms.

“I told you to stay hidden, you little menace,” she whispers, blushing and looking down at the cat who gnaws playfully at her thumb.

“Well well,” Cora says, leaning back against her couch cushion and grinning at the love of her son’s life. “I guess Dominic owes me fifty bucks after all.”

I gasp, leaning forward and staring at my mom and aunt. “You bet on our love lives!?”

“No, baby!” mom protests far too innocently, frowning at me like she’s ashamed I’d even suggest it. “We’d never do that!”

“This is so unfair, Cora has an advantage, she’s all of our godparents,” I say, pointing at her.

“That’s why I get terrible odds,” she says with a sigh, nodding. “Roger hates it.”

“You’re both unbelievable,” I sigh, sitting back on the couch and glancing at Daphne, pleased to see that the blush has faded from her cheeks just a bit. But Cora notices it too and pounces, not letting her off that easy.

“So,” she says, leaning forward and peering into Daphne’s face. “Is my boy a good boyfriend? He’d better be polite to you – you have my permission to smack him if he’s not –“

“He’s – he’s very polite!” Daphne sputters out, laughing and blushing again.

“But not like…too polite, right?” Cora says, narrowing her eyes a bit. “I didn’t raise my boy to be too scared to grab his girl and –“

“You come here,” mom says, laughing a little and scootching closer to me, pulling me tight against her side while Cora continues to torture Daphne. I laugh a little too, watching Daphne melt into the couch with embarrassment under Cora’s good-natured teasing.

But I lean against my mom and take a deep breath and a sip of my wine. “It’s good to be here,” I sigh. “Thank you so much, mama.”

“Of course,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to my head.

“Um,” I say quietly, fiddling with the stem of my wine glass. “Do you think I could talk to dad for a little bit? On video chat? I mean, I know why he really couldn’t come – I know he’s at the front –“

“He wanted to, baby,” mom whispers, stroking my hair. “Only something that serious would have kept him away.”

“It’s okay,” I say, nodding and looking at her. “But dad’s…done this before, right? With Lydia?”

She nods slowly. “He wants to talk to you too. But I told him to wait until you were ready for it.”

“Well,” I whisper, “I think I’m ready for it.” My heart sinks in my chest as I wonder if that’s true. “I’d just like to know…what to expect, you know? In the days to come?”

“Of course, sugar,” mom says, beaming at me and getting to her feet. “I’ll call him now, see if he can set a few minutes aside.”

“Oh, are we calling boys?” Cora asks, cheerfully getting up and leaving Daphne alone. Daphne groans with relief, finishing her wine in one big slug and making me laugh.

“Yes, come on, you can talk to your boyfriend after I talk to mine,” mom sighs, waving Cora along with her into the kitchen, where she left her tablet. Cora eagerly follows and I grab the bottle of wine, refilling Daphne’s glass.

“Thank you,” she sighs, and I grin at her. “Is it always going to be like this?”

I laugh. “You picked the wrong Sinclair boy if you didn’t want to be teased,” I say, grinning at her as I settle back into the cushions. “Mom and dad would have been far more polite.”

Daphne sighs dramatically and gives a big shrug like it can’t be helped. “I shall simply have to endure, then.” She scoops Mittens up into her hands and lifts him to her shoulder, where he starts to bat playfully at her curls.

“Daph?” I ask quietly, studying her face. “Is…is Jesse your mate?”

She turns to me, her face quite solemn. “I honestly don’t know, Ari.”

My mouth twists a little. “I mean, you’d know,” I say, trying to be gentle.

But she shakes her head, looking off into the kitchen, I think wanting mine and Jesse’s mothers to be separate from this conversation. “I know what you mean but…it’s more complicated than that,” she murmurs. “The connection with him – it wasn’t instant, and my wolf just…can’t decide. It’s not like other mates – the bond, if there is one, has not snapped into place. But the way we feel about each other? And the way he smells?” She groans and rolls her eyes, tilting her head back against the couch.

“Oh, you’re exaggerating,” I sigh, grinning and tilting my head back too. “Jesse smells like corn chips and despair.”

“Oh, no he doesn’t,” she sighs. “He smells like a chai latte, and old books, and a warm old sweater…”

“So, like wet wool?” I say, my face again twisting with doubt.

Daphne laughs and swats at me. “Shut up. I love it.”

I grin, nodding to her. “I’m just teasing. You know my cousin has my whole heart. But, you’re getting mixed messages? Like, half bond half not?”

“Yeah,” she says, her face falling straight again. “And I wonder if it’s because he’s half human? Or…” she shrugs. “I really don’t know. I think that’s why I tried to deny it for so long but…he’s really special to me, Ariel. Even if he’s not my mate, I want to keep him.”

I smile at her, terribly happy for my friend. “Good. I’m glad to have a new sister-cousin, then.”

She beams at me, I think realizing for the first time that she’s part of the family, even if she doesn’t have his mark or a ring. Just his strange little half-substantial shadow cat, which is very Jesse and likely just as good.

“Thanks, Ari,” she says, leaning forward and wrapping me up in a warm hug. “I’m glad you’re my sister-cousin now too.”

I hold my friend close, taking a deep breath of her own pretty cinnamon scent, feeling cozy and warm.

In the other room, I hear the soft sound of my mom and my dad talking, and my heart soars to think that I get to talk to him soon. And quite suddenly I start to realize that…well, perhaps things are looking up.

But still, my heart sinks, because…

There’s one big thing on my heart that I haven’t touched yet. I hang my head a little, looking down into my wine glass and giving the pretty golden liquid a limp swirl.

“Tell me,” Daphne murmurs. I look up to see her turning her head at me, sweet and thoughtful. “Please, Ari, what are you thinking about? It might help to get it out.”

And I sigh, frightened to touch this line of thinking that I haven’t allowed myself to go to all day, even though it’s been slowly revolving in the back of my mind.

“I’m thinking about Jacks.”