Chapter 369

The room is quiet when I get back in the morning, dressed again in Cadet black with Rafe’s cap on my head. I look around and frown as Jesse and Rafe escort me in, doggedly close to my heels and my side.

Very sweet in thought. Very annoying in practicality.

“Where’s Jacks?” I ask, turning towards them when I realize that he’s not here, as I assumed he would be.

“He went to class, Ari,” Rafe says, quietly shutting the door and watching me carefully.

“Well, why aren’t you in class?” I ask, putting my hands on my waist and glaring at my brother and my cousin.

“Because we’re not letting you out of our sight ever again, you idiot,” Jesse says, cheerful, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me over to the couch where very gently forces me to sit down and then spreads a blanket over my lap. I scowl at him and his over-protective Alpha bullshit.

But then my fears catch up with me as Rafe crosses to his chair and sighs, plopping down into it.

“But…” I bite my lip, looking between them as Jesse sits too. “Jackson…is letting me out of his sight?”

“It’s not like that, Ariel,” Rafe says, sighing and resting his head against his fingertips. “We didn’t know what you wanted – if you wanted to see him immediately. We still don’t know how you’re feeling or where your heart is. What you’re ready for.”

“Oh, but you rashly assumed I was ready for you?” I say, glaring a little.

“She’s healed!” Jesse says, grinning and casting a hand out in my direction. “Look at that! Saucy and cruel, just how we like her!”

“We did what we thought was right, Ariel,” Rafe says, ignoring Jesse and concentrating on frowning at me. “He’ll come later. If you want him to. He’s…been having a really hard time. Let’s all just take it easy, okay? One step at a time.”

“Okay,” I sigh, looking down at my hands pressed tight against my blanket.

“Are you hungry?” Rafe asks.

“No.”

“Are you going to fight us when we try to force food down your throat?” Jesse asks this time.

I sigh and look up at them. “Is it going to be healthy?”

“No,” Rafe murmurs, a small smile coming to his lips

“Then no.”

Jesse grins as he gets up to walk to the dumbwaiter and order something up. I take the moment to look Rafe seriously in the eye, knowing he won’t lie.

“Does Jackson hate me?” The question is barely a whisper.

“Ariel,” Rafe says, leaning forward and holding my gaze. “I promise you – he loves you very, very much. Just…let him take his time with it too, okay? It’s hard.”

I nod and look back down with my hands. Then I sigh and stand, moving for the nook. “I think I’m going to take a nap.”

Rafe watches me go, worried.

I turn towards him. “Will you wake me? If Jackson comes?”

He nods.

I smile softly at my brother and then climb into my bed, shutting the curtain after me.

Even as I cuddle into my pillows I hear Rafe’s worried sigh.

And I smile a little, glad to have a brother who worries about me. Even if he does go a little overboard with those worries…it’s good to feel loved.

I close my eyes on a sigh of my own, praying desperately that Jackson will be here when I wake up.

I bolt straight up in bed a few hours later, instantly aware that he’s near.

My wolf is on her feet, her nails scratching at my soul, howling for Jackson’s wolf.

And even though he’s trying so hard to be cool and calm, I can feel Jackson’s wolf anxiously shifting from foot to foot, turning towards Jacks, begging for permission to run to her. But he’s – he’s being held back –

I drag in a shaky breath and scuttle off my bed, ripping open the curtain and staring around my room, frantic.

“Whoa,” Jesse says, freezing and staring at me from his chair. “Bad dream?”

“What’s wrong?” Rafe asks, jumping to his feet.

“Where is he?” I ask, desperate, looking all around.

But god – fuck – he’s not there.

“Who?” Rafe barks out.

“Jacks!” I bark back, storming around the room like I’m going to find him somewhere – even though – god, where could he hide? – he’s gigantic –

“Ari!” Jesse says, starting to get freaked out. “What are you –“

But then I turn, hearing something shift at the door. I sniff deeply and suddenly know precisely where he is.

Ignoring my brother and my cousin, I stride towards the door and yank it open.

Jackson sprawls backwards into the room and gasps as his head smacks the floor. I just gape down at him while he looks sheepishly up at me, moving a hand to cradle the back of his head where I can feel pain – can feel it radiating down our bond.

And even though it’s pain I feel coming through a little sob breaks from my throat – because it’s there, our bond, shining and true and strong. And I can feel him all along it – every bit of my Jacks, still the same.

I fall to my knees at his side, my shoulders shaking. “What the hell were you doing outside?” My question is tremulous, a whisper.

“Um,” he says, glancing backwards at Jesse and Rafe. “I was just…being close. Because it was hard to be far. And Jesse said I should let you take charge? And wait until you asked for me, in case you…didn’t want to see me?”

Jesse groans. “That’s not what I said!”

“Why are you listening to Jesse?” I ask, shaking my head as tears well in my eyes. “He’s the worst at emotions.”

“Hey!”

“I don’t know, Ariel,” Jackson murmurs, sitting up and reaching for me the moment he sees me starting to cry. “You’re right – that was dumb – I’m so sorry –“

I groan in relief the moment Jackson wraps me up in his arms, pulling me into his lap and cradling me against his chest, pressing as much of my body to him as he can manage. He murmurs again and again his apologies, and I whisper back for him to stop – that he doesn’t need to – that I need to –

And then I just cry, and Jackson just holds me, and his wolf moves fast across the bond to mine. She shies at first, wary after Luca’s wolf’s attack, but Jackson’s wolf skids to a stop and lets out an encouraging yip, waiting for her to come to him. And when she does, finally pressing herself warm to his side, a fierce and possessive grumble echoes in his chest.

Both Jackson and the wolf.

“Cool, well, we’ll let you…have a minute…” Jesse murmurs, stepping over us and heading out of the room.

“We’ll be back in half an hour,” Rafe says, his voice anxious. I glance up at him to see him looking worriedly down at me, like I can ask him to stay if I want him to.

I sit up straighter, holding my brother’s pretty green gaze. “It’s fine, Rafe,” I say, my voice croaking. “Thank you. It’s fine – we’ll be fine.”

Jackson grumbles his agreement and the door shuts behind us. I turn in Jackson’s lap, taking his face in my hands, tears slipping down my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Jacks,” I whisper, shaking my head at him.

“Ariel, you didn’t do anything –“

“No, I mean – didn’t I?” I shake my head, confused, not remembering correctly – just so…so so filled with grief, and yet so deeply happy to be here with him, to feel him, to smell him.

But then I go rigid, wondering if my scent has changed. I mean, my mom said that it hadn’t – not that she could tell. But she’s not an Alpha. And she’s not my mate.

“Jacks,” I whisper, gulping and looking at him seriously. “I’m not blameless in any of this. I had a lot of time to think about it – and Luca – he was very bad to me, but he…he wasn’t totally wrong – I was bad too -”

Jackson snarls at the very idea of this and I can feel down our bond his line of thinking and the flashes of memory that come along with it – that any attempt to excuse Luca’s rejection of me, the fact that he stormed away from the Castle and left me naked and sobbing in his room –

“Please,” I whisper, shaking my head, shaking all over. “I – I can’t talk about that right now – I can’t think about it.”

Jackson groans, guilty, and wraps me up closer in his arms.

“I’m just really sorry, Jacks,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I know the last three days were really really hard for you. And it’s not going to be…you know, cake. Going forward.”

“Cake?” he asks, pulling back confused. “There’s…cake?”

I laugh a little, the sound sputtering as I shake my head. “It’s an expression,” I whisper. “Like, it’s not all going to be easy.”

He frowns at me. “I didn’t know cake was easy,” he whispers. “I thought it was…hard to make.”

I laugh a little harder now, shaking my head, taking his face in my hands, loving him so terribly, incredibly much. “It’s not important.”

Jackson growls his agreement and leans closer to me, brushing his nose against mine, leaning his forehead close as he takes a deep breath. “Ariel. How are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m a lot better,” I whisper, meaning it. “Mom and Cora and Daphne took good care of me. It was what I needed.”

“Good,” he murmurs, breathing a long sigh of relief. “I mean, I know you’re not…fixed, or whatever. That things have changed. But…good. I’m so glad you’re better.”

I go a little still at his words and take a deep breath, moving slightly away from him so that I’m sitting across from him on the floor. He looks seriously down at me as I sit before him, my shoulders hunched, my eyes wide.

“Have things changed, Jacks?” I whisper, gazing up at him, not sure if I want the answer. “Between us?”