Chapter 482

“Oh, baby,” mom says, cupping my cheek in her hand and looking at me sympathetically. “Sometimes…the Goddess has plans for us that go beyond our own.”

“Damn right she does,” I say with a scowl, flumping back into mom’s pillows and shooting a little glare at the crescent moon, which I can see hovering just above the dawn horizon. “Surprise after surprise with that one.”

“Are you unhappy with it?” mom asks, clasping her hands beneath her chin and looking at me, worried. “You…you don’t have to be happy, sweetie. I’m sorry, I should have been more restrained –“

“No, mom,” I say with a sigh, flicking my eyes to her and then down to my stomach, where I press my hands. Where two babies now live, apparently. “I…don’t really know precisely how I feel – I mean, I’m really surprised – and the timeline is not fantastic but…I don’t think I’m unhappy…”

I let my words trail off, trying to figure out how I feel but coming up with an answer that’s split between about twelve different emotions.

A baby. Babies.

Two little babies.

Jackson’s…Jackson’s babies.

A tiny little smile comes to my mouth at that thought because…

I mean. They’re going to be so cute.

My mom squeaks again and I look up, laughing when I see the big smile on her face. “You’re smiling,” she whispers, still holding her hands in fists beneath her chin. “Does that mean…”

“Mommm,” I groan, pitching myself forward, still laughing, a bit hysterical. “I don’t know, okay! Give me…ten seconds to figure it out.” I sigh, putting my head down in her lap, closing my eyes and trying to sort through it.

“You got it baby,” mom murmurs, sweet and kind, starting to stroke my hair. “Ten whole seconds, just for you.”

I grumble something to her, and she laughs again, but I just allow myself to breathe and let myself again adjust to the radical new reality of my life. It takes a long, long time to get it into my head that I’m pregnant.

That there are going to be two more little Sinclairs in the palace. And they’re going to be mine.

But…are we even going to be in the palace?

Didn’t I…weren’t we just talking about going back to school? I sigh deeply, confused, turning my head to press my forehead against my mom’s thigh.

“Tell me, baby,” she murmurs, still stroking her hands through my hair, kind and sweet as she always is.

“Jacks and I were just talking about it last night,” I murmur, my voice a little muffled against her leg. “About…wanting more babies someday. I didn’t think it would be today.”

She laughs a little. “More babies?”

I turn my head up, sighing again even as I smile. “I’m going to adopt Marigold as my own. We talked about it last night. Not right away – we want to let her adjust but…I want to be her mom. Jackson is on board.”

Mom’s face crumples in an instant, tears filling her eyes as she lays herself down next to me on the bed and wraps me up in a hug, pulling me close. “Oh, Ariel,” she sighs, I think as undone with emotion as me. “I…I mean, I hoped you would. I think that’s so fantastic.”

“Me too,” I whisper, smiling as tears prick my own eyes. “Though I guess now she’s getting…siblings. And who knows how she’ll feel about that.”

“Fantastic, of course,” mom mutters, sniffing a bit.

“But, I mean…” I bite my lip, grief starting to curl in me. “I’m…I’m really young for this. Three kids at twenty-three? I mean…I know it’s been done before, but…I…” I sniff, feeling very overwhelmed. “I really liked my life! I’m a really good sniper! I want to be a spy!”

Mom pulls me even closer, letting me cry a little into her shirt, murmuring all sorts of comforting nonsense to me about how fantastic I am, and how it’s fine to be confused, and how we’ll sort it all out. And, as it always does, her warmth and support bring a great deal of comfort.

A few minutes later, mom sits up, taking me with her and clucking over me as she wipes the tears from my face and pushes my hair back behind my ears. “There’s my beautiful Princess,” mom murmurs, stroking her hand over my hair and getting me all in order. “So strong and brave!”

“Enemy armies I can face,” I say with a sigh and a little laugh. “Pregnancy, a whole new thing.”

She laughs at this, patting my cheek and smiling at me again. “As it always is,” she says, giving a bit of a shrug. “Your first pregnancy…is always a bit of a terror, even if you’re happy about it.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy,” I murmur. Then I look down at myself again, pressing my hands against my stomach, which is as flat now as it ever was. “I don’t want them to think I’m unhappy.”

“Well luckily they’re just little cell bundles right now,” mom murmurs with a shrug. “So, they probably can’t feel anything yet.”

“Is that true?” I ask, my face wrinkling as I look up at her. “At what point in conception does the bond form?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’m not a scientist,” mom says, waving a hand at me and dismissing the question. I laugh a little, unable to help it. “We’ll ask Cora in a couple of hours.”

I sigh, nodding, looking back down, tentatively sending a little pulse of warmth and love down the bonds, wanting desperately for the babies to feel…I don’t know. Welcome, I guess.

“You know, it’s how I would have wanted it,” mom says quietly.

I look up at her again, curious.

“If I had it my way?” she says, arching her brows at me. “I would have had it happen precisely like this. I’d have met your dad when I was twenty-two, and taken a good six months to get to know him and let our relationship develop, and then…” she snaps her fingers, grinning at me. “I’d have wanted to start popping out kids.”

I laugh, harder now, starting to feel…I don’t know. A bit more cheerful? Certainly less panicked. “Yeah, but you always wanted to be a mom,” I say, my shoulders slumping a little. “I just started thinking about being a mom like, literally yesterday.”

“Well, wish granted,” she says with a little shrug that makes me laugh.

“I know,” I say, twisting my mouth to the side, trying to parse my emotions. “I just…want other things too.”

“You can have it all, Ariel,” mom says quietly. I study her, kind of impressed with the assurance in her voice. Slowly, she nods to me. “Motherhood doesn’t have to be limiting, especially when you have the help you have. A dad with lots of money, a mom very willing to spend it. A whole extended family to help you with childcare. You can do this – be a mom of three, be a spy, be the sharpshooting Princess our nation needs.”

A little smile comes to my lips as tears come to my eyes.

Because…I have just the best mom. Always so supportive of our dreams, so optimistic.

But then again, I know a little about her life and her trials. There were moments when she, too, felt hopeless – much worse than I’m feeling now. So she knows, far better than me, how important hope and determination is.

And family.

Family, more than all of it.

Because children, as she always says, are forever a blessing.

I sit a little straighter, studying my mom, proud and pleased to be her daughter.