Chapter 488
“Ariel,” dad says, his voice low with warning. Rafe, Mark, and Jesse sit very quiet on the couch, looking between us.
But I ignore all of them, shifting my eyes to mom. “And what about everything you were saying this morning,” I snap, vanishing my flame away. “About being able to have it all, to not have to limit myself simply because I’m pregnant?”
“Baby, I meant every word of that,” mom says, pressing her hands to her heart, her eyes going wide. “But you have to acknowledge the reality that your life is different now – your life is going to change in a very physical way. And if your first pregnancy is anything like mine, you may need a great deal of bed rest! Why don’t you simply…delay your education until the girls are born? Take a minute to –“
“If I stop now,” I say, my voice getting creaky with sadness and worry, “I won’t go back – how many women does this happen to? Who say ‘oh I’m going to just take a step away for a moment,’ and then they never go back? Why not do it now!? Just finish while I’m pregnant and the babies are young enough to sleep most of the day -”
“You’re underestimating how much care and dedication an infant needs, Ariel,” dad says, his voice stern but full of feeling. “Let alone two of them. The Academy is a dangerous place – you were injured and nearly died there several times –“
“So, I won’t do any of the physical stuff!” I blurt out, desperate. “I’ll – I’ll just do the book learning!” I hesitate for a second. “And the sniping!”
“Yes, always a great idea to bring the infant children around the gigantic gun,” Rafe says, going for some humor to lighten the situation. I spin my head to glare at him and he grimaces, putting his hands up in apology.
“Ariel, when the world finds out about your pregnancy you’re immediately going to be a target for kidnapping and ransom,” dad says. “You’ll be much better guarded here –“
“I’ve got magic now to defend myself!” I snap out. “And! I’ll have three huge powerful magical Alphas at my side!” I look around at Rafe and Jesse and Jackson. All of the air and fury goes out of me, though, when my eyes fall on Jackson and I see him looking up at me with a great deal of sadness.
I exhale all my breath in one great gush and step away from him, feeling completely betrayed. Because…the way he’s looking at me…
“What?” I whisper, staring at my mate who so, so clearly agrees with my dad and everyone else in the room. Who doesn’t want me to go back to the Academy anymore. “Are you…serious?”
“Ariel,” Jackson says softly, his voice terribly sad, reaching a hand for me.
“Even you want me to back off, Jackson!?”
“Tiny,” he says, his voice breaking, shaking his head at me as he stands and steps close. “I – I just want you to be safe, I want you all to be safe. And you nearly died over and over again at the Academy. I could barely protect you – and so frequently I couldn’t. And now that I have four?” He shakes his head, looking at me with such pleading in his eyes, wanting me to understand.
But I just drop my gaze to the floor, not wanting him to see my tears in my eyes.
I feel just…so…defeated. Like everyone is against me and no one understands that I can do this. That I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for just because the Goddess decided it was time for me to get knocked up.
It’s just…so completely unfair.
“I can’t believe none of you believe in me,” I whisper, working hard to keep my tears from falling, not wanting Marigold to see them.
“It’s not like that, Ariel,” mom says softly, her voice trembling. Jackson reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder, his fingers tightening, urging me to come closer. But I shake my head and step away, not wanting that kind of comfort right now.
Because if I accept the comfort, it means I’ve given in.
And I’m not ready to do that yet.
I sniff hard and raise my chin, shaking my hair back over my shoulders, putting on my best Princess smile and aiming it at my daughter. “Come on, Goldie. I’ve been kicked out of any position of military authority, so I’ve got some free time. Let’s go hang out and eat chocolate.”
She looks at me for a moment, I think a bit worried, but then she nods and gives me a tiny smile in return.
Jackson sighs behind me as I start to walk away, heading for the hallway and my bedroom beyond.
“Ariel,” my mom calls after me. “Please, come and talk to us –“
“It’s time for the meeting anyway, Ella,” dad murmurs. “She needs space to think and we don’t have any more time to talk.”
As I head into the darkness of the hall Jackson’s voice appears in my mind, soft and apologetic.
Do you want me to come and talk to you? Please – I’m having trouble understanding what’s best right now.
I sigh, holding Goldie closer, and send Jackson a little pulse of love down our bond. Because I’m angry and frustrated and feel betrayed, but he’s still my mate, and he’s just expressing his opinion on what he thinks will be best for our tiny family. His first instinct, after all, is to protect us.
No, I respond back to Jackson, mind-to-mind, doing my best to sound cheerful and not be curt. You go…have your meeting. It’s important. I’ll just…take care of Marigold.
I can almost feel Jackson sigh as I open the door to the room and step inside, because he’s well aware that we’ve just fallen into some gendered roles that we’ve never, ever subscribed to before. And he knows I’m not happy about it.
But I grin at Goldie and wrinkle my nose at her, not wanting her to see or feel any of it. Because the opportunity for an afternoon alone with my daughter – that’s never a bad thing, is it?
“Should we order up a big breakfast, Golds?” I whisper, conspiratorial. “All the good stuff, nothing healthy?”
She beams at me and nods eagerly. I laugh, hoisting my daughter higher on my hip and heading over to the intercom to place our order.
Marigold and I have a very nearly perfect day together. We eat a big breakfast with chocolate-chip pancakes and a side of gummy worms. Then we have more bath time, which she loves, and for the first time I get to pick out an outfit with my little girl and dress her up for her day, an experience that…really demonstrates why my mom loves shopping so much.
Then we go and spend a long, leisurely day in the park with a picnic lunch. Mark comes too, which means our body guards can stand further back, and my baby brother keeps me laughing all day with his high spirits and silly sense of humor. He shows Marigold all of the miniature houses he made and hung for the squirrels, all connected with an intricate series of tiny wooden bridges that delight her.
And as perfect as the day is, the entire time is run through with a dreadful feeling in my soul that…everything has changed and is beyond my control now. That in falling pregnant I’ve lost authority over my life, just when I’d honestly felt like I’d finally gained it. My wolf presses herself warm against my heart, giving me a sad little howl in support, letting me know that she feels it too and encouraging me not to give up hope.
When we get back to the palace in the evening the family apartments are quiet, suggesting that the business with the Community is continuing.
Mark looks at me anxiously, but also glances at the door.
“Oh, go on,” I say, laughing a little and giving him a shove on the shoulder with my free hand, the other supporting Marigold as she drowses against my shoulder. “You don’t have to babysit me.”
“I can though,” Marks says, shrugging sympathetically. “I love you, Ari. I don’t want to leave you alone if you’re all upset.”
“I’m not alone though, right?” I say, smiling at my little girl who yawns and snuggles closer to me.
“Love you, sis,” Mark says, stepping close and pressing a kiss to my cheek.
I tell Mark that I love him too and then laugh and give him another shove away, sending him off to do…well, whatever it is that Mark does. Then I take Goldie into my room, settling her down in her bed for a little nap before dinner.
When the door to my room finally opens again, the sun has long gone down.
Marigold and I are cuddled up in the window seat, a soft blanket wrapped around both of us, reading one of the picture books that Jesse borrowed from Seraphina.
“Dad!” Marigold whispers, turning her head towards him, a big smile spreading across her face.
Jackson can’t help his returning smile, even if the rest of his face and his stance are very serious. He sighs, closing the door and leaning back against it, taking a moment to just look at us.
“Hey, Jacks,” I say softly, reaching a hand out for him, my heart filling at the sight of my gorgeous sweetheart mate, all mine. “Come see us.”
Jackson sighs and pushes himself up from the door, crossing the room to me.
