Chapter 179

"Who is it?" Lucas asked, noticing the stricken look on my face.

I showed him my phone screen, his eyes scanning the caller ID. "It's my dad."

"Let me answer it." Lucas held out his hand, and I could see the way his jaw tightened.

I knew he wasn't happy with my father about what he had done to me. Lucas only wanted to start an argument with him.

"No, you're going to yell at him."

"He deserves more than just that," Lucas argued, his eyes hardening. "He's lucky he's in hiding somewhere, otherwise I would pay him a visit and really let him know how I feel."

As harsh as Lucas was being, I agreed with him on some extent and it warmed my heart that he felt so protective over me.

"Fine, if you don't want me to answer it. You answer it," he encouraged, sensing the gravity of the situation. "Do you want a moment of privacy?"

I shook my head, my hand trembling as I answered the call. I wanted Lucas here for moral support, and I wanted him to hear whatever my father had to say.

I put my phone on speaker as I said, "Hello?"

The other end was silent for a while before the sound of my father's voice reached my ears. "Shana?"

It felt strangely distant, as if I hadn't heard it in a long time. He sounded broken, like the weight of the world was currently resting on his shoulders. As much as I was angry with my father, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for him.

My heart ached for him. He was such a damaged person who had made terrible decisions. The only person he had in this world was me. I felt guilty for abandoning him, but I also didn't want to subject myself to living in his toxic environment.

"Shana," he said again, his voice cracking, "I'm so sorry for everything— the gambling and the debt. I just got released from Kendrick's confinement."

My heart stilled, my eyes snapping up to look at Lucas. Lucas looked just as surprised as me.

My father was being held by Kendrick? Where? For how long?

"Did you know that?" I whispered to Lucas so that my father wouldn't hear.

Lucas shook his head no. "Shana, I swear to you, I had no idea my father was keeping your father confined. This is the first I'm hearing of it."

I probably shouldn't believe Lucas after all he had done to me, but I could tell he wasn't lying this time.

"Shana, are you there?" My father asked after I still hadn't replied.

"Yes, I'm here," I said, listening with bated breath. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay," he assured me and followed that with a deep cough. "I'm just so sorry Shana. I never meant for anything bad to happen to you."

As I listened to my father's pleas, my emotions became caught on two opposite ends. His apologies had become empty words that he only seemed to use when things weren't going the way he planned.

His words meant nothing. They were just empty promises. Once his despair and remorse were gone, it would all be forgotten. He wasn't going to change overnight, and he never has.

"I can't believe you," I said, finally finding a voice to defend myself. "How could you drag me into whatever it is you're addicted to? Don't you think I've suffered enough?"

"I'm sorry, Shana. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking about you, or myself, or the consequences of my actions."

"Clearly not. You didn't even think for one second that you could be ruining my entire future? You put me in a compromising situation, and luckily I have Lucas who was able to sort it all out for me... but I would've never been in that situation if it wouldn't have been for your foolishness."

"I know, sweetie. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't think I would lose all of that money. I thought I would be able to win us something—"

"You thought wrong. You always let your impulsiveness cloud your judgement. Don't you have some kind of self control?" I felt my face starting to get hot from anger.

I wanted to get my point across to my father. I wanted him to see, and really understand, that what he did was unacceptable. He had already ruined his own life, I didn't need him ruining mine.

"i promise you, Shana. This time, I mean it." He continued, "I'm going to get the help I need this time, Shana. I've signed up for rehab, and I'm determined to better myself. I hope you can visit me there one day."

How many times had my father told me he would try to get better? How many times had he just fallen back into the same pattern and routine?

I wanted to believe that my father could change, but I knew it was fruitful thinking.

Before I could say anything to him, he hung up the phone. The weight of his words settled over me and I felt an immense sense of dread.

The worst part was, I couldn't tell if my father was actually feeling sorry, or if it was just something he felt in the moment. Did he just feel obligated to call me? Or did he really care?

His actions spoke louder than his words and that trust between the two of us had been broken one too many times.

Tears welled in my eyes as the call ended, the reality of my father's struggles hitting me harder than ever. Even hearing his voice had triggered something.

At least I knew he was okay... well, not okay mentally, but at least I knew he wasn't in danger.

As I sniffed, trying to hold back my tears, Lucas pulled me into his arms. He gave me a comforting squeeze as he whispered in my ear, "It's okay, Shana. It's over now."

But he couldn't be more wrong. This was far from over. The tangled mess of lies, betrayal, and uncertain powers swirling within me created a storm that showed no signs of clearing.

First it was with Lucas, and now it was my father.

It just seemed like things were constantly being piled on and I couldn't catch a break.

In the back of my mind, the thought of my White Wolf lingered. It seemed like the most pressing matter of all, and I still didn't understand what it meant.

The lack of control I had over every aspect of my life terrified me.

What was I going to do? How would things ever feel normal again if it seemed like a never ending cycle of problems?

I wiped away tears, trying to compose myself. "No, Lucas. It's not over. It's only going to get worse."

As I looked into his eyes, I knew he couldn't comprehend the depths of my thought process. "Shana, you need to stay positive. I know things have been shaky lately, but it won't always be that way."

I wanted to argue with him but lacked the energy. The storm within me was brewing, and I was just beginning to understand that I was at its mercy.