Chapter 59

“Of course, I’m not jealous, don’t be ridiculous,” I said, trying to sound casual, but my own words felt off as soon as they left my lips. It felt like I was deceiving not only James but also myself.

With a forced scoff, I attempted to hide my unease, pretending to be nonchalant as I stared at the dirt under my nails. "Besides, what would I have to be jealous of, right? I'm definitely not the jealous type."

James gave me a small smile, tilting his head as he observed me. "You keep repeating that word, 'jealous.'"

It was obvious that I wasn't convincing him. Hell, I wasn't even able to convince myself that I wasn't jealous.

God. This was not good.

Is that what this feeling is? Jealousy?

Is that why I said something so harsh and cruel to Lucas? To hurt him back because I was... jealous?

"No!" I blurted out loud, even though I meant to keep it to myself. My true emotions escaped my attempts to keep them hidden.

"No?" James asked. He was staring at me harder than he was a few seconds ago.

"I'm not..." The rest of my sentence disappeared in my throat as realization sunk in.

I was jealous.

I was jealous because I liked Lucas. I liked Lucas more than a friend— more than a best friend.

When I saw how beautiful Victoria was and saw her walking toward Lucas with a look of familiarity on her face, a pang of anger shot through me. When she looked at him or spoke to him, I wanted to claw her eyes and throat out.

That feeling wasn't normal for best friends to have. I shouldn't have felt so bothered by another woman's presence, but I was.

"Shana, you okay?" James took a step closer to me, putting a hand on my shoulder in an effort to comfort me. "Your face looks like it's in pain."

I wasn't in physical pain... it was more of a mental turmoil.

I was beyond confused.

So confused as to why I was feeling this way about Lucas.

"I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now," I whispered, meeting James's concerned gaze. "I don't know what this is."

James gave me a small smile, shooting me a wink. "I think I know exactly what you're feeling."

"You do?" I asked, feeling hopeful. "What is it?"

James cocked an eyebrow at me as if he didn't believe I was being serious. "You really don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Well, c'mon Shana. It's painfully obvious that you like Lucas," James said bluntly.

I felt my knees weakened, causing me to stumble backward. James shot his hands out to steady me, a concerned look taking over his face. "Whoa there."

What?! What the hell was he talking about?

"Me? Liking Lucas?" I screeched. "You're out of your mind."

"Shana, it's okay to admit it," James urged me. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

James could see right through me. There was no use in lying to him or myself.

I liked Lucas and I was jealous. Those were the facts.

I felt as if I was going to panic, and I think James must have noticed because he started to massage my shoulders in a comforting way.

"Don't stress, I have no problem with you liking Lucas." He gave me a smile. "Actually, I'd be so happy if my two best friends ended up together."

Hearing James say that made me want to panic even more, and I think he noticed his mistake because he quickly tried to recover.

"I get you like Lucas, but you need to understand who is his, and I don't mean the Lucas you used to know. You need to understand the Lucas of today. The Lucas who has a responsibility as an Alpha billionaire's heir."

I froze, realizing that James was right. Ugh, I hated that he was right. Why was he so intuitive?

But I still felt as if I wasn't ready to admit the way I felt out loud. James might know, he might have a suspicion, but I wasn't about to confess all my feelings to him.

"James, I don't have feelings for Lucas," I tried to say with as much muster and conviction as I could.

James slowly blinked at me a few times, and immediately, I knew he didn't believe me. He knew I was still going to keep this from him.

I thought he was going to press me about it more, but he let go of my shoulders, dropping his hands to his side. "Let me take you home, it's getting late."

---

After James left and I was back at home, my mind started racing. I kept replaying Lucas's words about us being best friends and my overreaction today. Was I trying to cage Lucas with my feelings? Was I being too possessive?

I spent a good amount of time pondering it all, and eventually, I made up my mind. I decided to give Lucas the freedom to make his own choices, even if it meant just staying friends. I didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't ready for.

The next day at school, I made it my mission to go and search for Lucas.

I needed to apologize for what I had said and possibly try to hear out his side of the story. I wasn't thinking clearly the day before. The pain had clouded all of my judgment, and I took it out on him.

If I could just have the chance to speak with Lucas and explain myself, then maybe we could both move on from this and try to understand each other better.

We couldn't just waste our friendship and give up on everything.

But as much as I wanted to find Lucas, it felt as if he was trying to hide from me.

It felt as if I looked for him everywhere, but he seemed to have vanished into thin air.

I couldn't find him in our usual meeting spots, like the training room or locker rooms. And he wasn't responding to any of my text messages either.

Frustration and worry ate away at me as I wondered why he was avoiding me.

Unable to contain my concern, I found James during lunch and approached him, asking if he had seen Lucas.

As soon as I brought up Lucas's name, I could see a flicker of hesitation in James's eyes before he spoke.

"Uhh yeah, I did see him earlier," James said carefully. "I think you should give him some space, Shana. He's a bit hurt about what you said yesterday."

"Really?" My heart sank at the revelation. I hadn't meant to hurt Lucas with my honesty, but it seemed like that's exactly what happened.

James nodded. "I think the two of you just need some space away from each other to process all your emotions. Tensions are still high."

I felt a knot forming in my stomach, regretting what I had said to him just because I was upset.

I had wanted to be honest, but I never wanted to lose him as a friend.

What if Lucas didn't want us to be friends anymore?

What would I do without him?